Carry The Zero

(The world is dark and calm. I am who I am. All is calm and peaceful at this very moment. Breathe in......and breathe out. Find your Nirvana and call it home.......because this is your time of the day to be calm. Put all that rage and anger that you've accumulated over the years and put it behind a door. Lock the door. And let the quit take over. No more voices of violence. No more of the hatred in your soul telling you want to do. That anger......that's for training and for your matches. But this isn't angers time. This is time for peace and quit. So calm your soul and be one with the universe.)

(I break from my mini meditation to the sound of steak sizzling in front of me. Has it been a minute, or has it been longer? I usually like to cook my steaks 3 minutes per side because I still like to have some of that blood spill out when I make that first cut. I flip the steak and I'm satisfied of the color. While I wait for the other end to cook, I get ready for my lunch. Already pre-made, I place a kale smoothly on a nearby table along with hard boil eggs. Along with the steak, this is going to be a great meal. Plenty of nutrients and vitamins to keep me healthy and give my muscles plenty of food to recover and grow. While so many other wrestlers eat fatty fast food shit that will only shorten their careers, I do the opposite and eat healthy so that I can have a long and satisfying career.)

(All is calm and peaceful in the world. Let the light of the world consume me and let it make me be a better man.)

(Three minutes are up and now it's time to take the steak off. Placing the steak on a plate, I quickly place it on the table and let it set for a few minutes. You do this to let all the juices get soaked up by the meat. You don't want the taste to escape with a first cut or puncture. So while I wait for my steak to cool off, I start to eat the hard boiled eggs. Five to be precise. Always hate the smell of hard boiled eggs but it's healthy and good for you so I suck it up, just like I've been doing for the past 15 years. The kale smoothie isn't better, but the sweetness of the blueberries I added helped make it drinkable.)

(Breathe in the positivity, let out the negativity. Be one with the universe.)

(My apologies but this mind frame I am in right now usually happens after I get done with yoga. Every Wednesday for me is a cool off period from the week of training. Helps the body to recover from destroying my body from the past week. I start my Friday mornings at 5 in the morning with a five mile run. I follow that with a quick 2 mile swim. After I dry off, an hour or two of yoga to give my body a good stretch and calm my body and soul. Lunch is now with a healthy variety of foods with heavy nutrients and proteins. After lunch, I get a massage to help relax my muscles. Finally I watch film on my future opponents. Today, Trixie. No last name. Just a first name.)

(While finishing up my second egg, I remember Chris wants me to do a promo for Ultimate Resolve. I don't see why I need to do a promo. I don't see why we're having another match. What else is there to be said? What else is there to be done. It's all the same narrative at the end of the day. You suck and I rock says opponent one. Opponent two counteracts with a reply of you suck more and I'm better. How civilized a conversation that truly is and yet that's what wrestling is these days. Premadonnas acting like a bunch of girls in a high school fight. Silly insults are thrown around and then it goes to slapping hands around like morons and also the occasional pulling of the hair. At the end, nothing gets done. But people will watch it because it simple and easy to understand.....and there's always that possibility of a boob popping out.)

(What is there to be done. Does Trixie honestly think she can beat me? I wasted her last time she was in the ring with me. But of course, she has to save face. Tells everyone that it's for Redemption and the fans. But she's doing it because she's only human. Revenge is what she wants. No one takes advantage of me like that and gets away with it. What a silly little girl. She doesn't know that she's lost the match already. Revenge is on her mind, making her blind to the fact that she doesn't stand a chance.)

(The only thing killing the silence in the room is that of Cursives Ugly Organ album playing on my record player. The song Recluse plays and it help brings me back to my home in Omaha, Nebraska......mostly because that's where Cursive is from. I know, boring info but again......I'm in a zen like mood and it's one of the few times where I can be perfectly calm.)

(Finishing up the last of the eggs, I can now begin to work on the steak. Picking up a knife and fork, I begin to cut away at the meat and enjoy my work. It taste like heaven as I taste the salt and pepper that I seasoned it with. Strangely enough, I think of my father as I look at the camera. Ok.....I think I got something for a promo. So with food still in my mouth, I begin to talk for the first time to the camera crew.)

Jack Tillman: "You know why my parents named me Jack......well it was my Dads idea mostly. To answer that, I have to explain that I was born into a wrestling family. My father was Boris "The Butcher" Tillman who was a legend in the Mid West. Multiple title reigns, sold out buildings and even ran a fed for 3 decades. My mother was Nicole Tillman who was a rising star in the wrestling scene before marrying my dad. She quit to help raise a family that consisted of three boys and two girls. Me being the youngest out of everyone. My father was such a mark for the industry, he hoped that his children would follow him not the industry. So he gave all of us names that would sound good for the wrestling industry. I was named Jack for the sole purpose of my wrestling name being.......Jack "The Ripper".......just like it is today. Unfortunately for my father......none of my brothers and sisters wanted to be wrestlers like him. He pushed them to hard and simply pushed them away from the industry. So instead of a Tillman dynasty to rule the wrestling industry......there's only myself to continue the Tillman name.

Now my father was nick named The Butcher because.......well he was a butcher on his off days from wrestling. He came to America from occupied Poland during the Cold War. Smuggled himself to the states in a cargo freight as a teen. Only had 50 dollars in his pocket. Didn't know a lick of English, but he knew how to cut meat and he wanted to live the American dream. He told me he moved to Omaha because that's where all the damn meat was at. So there was plenty of work for a guy like him to do. And on the side to make a few extra bucks, he'd go wrestle because.....well he was good at beating the crap out of people. When the booker of the fed figured out that he was a butcher.......well that was a good enough ring name. So Boris "The Butcher" Tillman was born and everything after that is history."

(Looking back down at my steak I can't help but think that was a crappy way to start a promo. Kurt Newman, my mentor and teacher, always made it look so easy. Chris is a natural when it comes to promos. Myself, I need to get use to this whole promo stuff. Eventually I'll get it down. Kurt always said just start talking. Eventually you'll say something smart. So with a deep breath, I begin to talk again.)

Jack Tillman: "I know it's not the most exciting tib bit of information of myself or my old man......but there's a reason why I have Chris do most of the talking for me. Its because I've been trained to wrestle. That's what I am folks......I'm a wrestler. I exceed in the ring. That's where I do most of my talking. I'm better at telling a story in that ring with my move set than I am trying to talk to you about one. If you want a performance, well you'll get one in that ring. If you want to be entertained, well you'll get it in that ring. If you want a bloodshed......that's right.....in that ring.

But if you want to be entertained out of that ring.......well I guess you can go talk to someone like Trixie. I'm not for everyone. Your part time wrestling fan probably won't like me because I'm not edgy enough or don't speak my mind to often. It's not the type of human being that I am. Maybe one day I'll get a better personally......but I'm 21......I still have plenty of time to find myself and express myself better. But I'm not going to fake something that I'm not. I'm not going to sell myself to be something someone else wants me to say or be. Thats fine for someone like Trixie because she needs that crutch to make herself relevant in this industry. But not me. My Dad and Kurt brought me up better than that."

(I'm as calm as the ocean. In with the good air, out with the bad.)

Jack Tillman: "Now Trixie I know you've put up a promo already. Have I watched it?"

(Looking up to the camera, I give the most serious face as I've ever given as I reply to my question.)

Jack Tillman: "No."

(I quickly look back down at my plate as I go back to finishing up my steak.)

Jack Tillman: "What's the point of me watching your promo Trixie? Is it going to magically change my opinion of you and convince me that you're not a loser? Are you going to strike fear with how you describe yourself and that you magically got better since our last encounter a month ago? Because I know what you can actually do in that ring Trixie because I have tape on you. I know what type of fighter that you are, so my opinions of you aren't going to change because of what you say. Why should I care what an Scrawny little girl has to say about me and my skills in that ring anyways? You're going to lie off your ass and give everyone fake news while trying to make yourself sound better. I already know what you're going to say. That I suck, you're the best, and sprinkle in a bunch of the fans have my back in there."

(One last bite of my steak and it's as good as the first bite. Putting my fork and knife on my plate, I place the plate into the nearby sink. Walking back, I grab the chair and move it on the other side of the table so that nothing can be in the way between myself and the camera. Sitting down on the chair, I stare into the camera with a calm and collective expression on my face......because I am at peace with myself. I slowly grab the Genesis title and hold it in front of the camera as I start to talk again.)

Jack Tillman: "You've had a month to prepare for this match Trixie. One month to figure out how to defeat me. Have you watched any of my videos? Has your cardio improved since your last match? Have you learned not to drop your left shoulder when your about to throw a right fist? How you blink more when you get nervous? Or how your left foot begins to twitch when you're about to shoot on someone.

Trixie, the tapes don't lie. I know you better than you know yourself in that ring.....and anything coming out of your mouth is utter none sense if you disagree with me. Hell, I know what move that you'll try to perform before you even think of it. I'll be five moves ahead of you Trixie while you're still trying to figure out if you got hit by an elbow or a knee from me. You're so predictable because your move set is that of a crappy gimmick wrestler. You think you can perform these one of a kind moves and yet they're sloppy and they aren't performed well. Every time I see you in that ring, I can tell that you've only had about a month of real wrestling training because your feet are at the wrong place, you don't use your legs enough to lift people, and you blindly strike opponents without thinking if it's actually doing something. You're a child in that ring Trixie and it shows."

(I am at one with myself. I am at peace. I am.......and then it hits me as I notice that my left leg is starting to twitch. The voices are coming back. The anger that fuels me is slowly clawing at the doors and wanting to make its way out to my subconscious. Talking to Trixie isn't helping me out as I play out a game plan of my match with Trixie in my head. Talking about Trixie is bring that part out of me because it wants to fight the girl that everyone wants to win.)

Jack Tillman: "Look at the two of us Trixie. Both 21 and yet I am better than you in every way possible when it comes to wrestling. Why? Because while you're on twitter tweeting about shit that no one cares about......I'm training. While you're texting your boy Devlin Scott about how much you miss him and want to see him tonight for dinner at that one restaurant where they make the best appletini, I'm watching film on my opponents. While you're starving yourself to be around that 130 pound mark so that you can keep your girlish figure, I'm in the gym getting stronger and faster so that I can beat my opponents."

(The anger........it's.........I am calm.....I am at one I am a river......I am.......I am the bird Hermes, eating my wings to keep me tame.)

Jack Tillman: "Trixie! While you're playing Barbie in this world of make believe that you play in.......being a model first, a gold digger second, and a social media darling third......I am a professional wrestler first, second, and third. This right here.....this is my world. This industry.....this is my life. I bleed for this Trixie while someone like you make it a joke every time you step in that ring. This industry.....it isn't a play ground that you can just frolic around and be this magical place where you can play make believe. This is an industry that you can get hurt from......and I showed you that last week when I took that scrawny ass of yours.....and I beat it. I took your career in my hands and I showed you and everyone else that thought you were something.....and I showed that you are actually nothing but a waste of time. That everything that you've ever accomplished before our match was nothing but Devlin giving you cup cake matches against people that he paid off so that you could win. Trixie I was the first opponent in your sad career that actually knows what the hell he's doing in that ring and that I wasn't going to lose to you Trixie.


(I let the hate and anger run through my veins as I think of Trixie and her cocky grin.)

Jack Tillman: "I could had ended your career Trixie. I could had easily snapped your neck and moved on with my life. It would had been so easy with that skinny little neck of yours. But you're still young. Still a chance in life to start over with life in a different career. I gave you an opportunity to walk away. To realize this this industry just isn't for you. But your human. You want revenge. So you got it. You got your revenge. And because of that revenge......I'm going to knock a year off of your short lived wrestling career."

-Leaning closer, I can't help but have a little grin on my face as I lower my voice and address the camera again.

Jack Tillman: "Trixie Rules. I can only imagine how you got that stipulation. You cried and whined to the boss man. With tears in your eyes you begged to your daddy to help you out. Let you get a leg up in your rematch with me because God knows you can't beat me one on one. You would do anything for daddy to get some type of crutch since you're to weak to beat me one on one. So you got on your hands and knees in front of your daddy.....opened up wide for him......looked him right in the eyes, just how he likes it........and gave him the time of his life.

I'm sure the feminist movement is so proud of you right now. Equal rights. You can do what ever a man can do. I am woman.....hear me roar........or at least in your situation.....I am woman, hear me DADDY! Save me from the big old meanie who hurt me."

-The grin is soon gone as I hold the Genesis title up so that it's next to my face.

Jack Tillman: "Trixie......I am the Genesis Champion and there is nothing you can do in your powers to beat me. You are nothing to me because you have accomplished nothing worth wild. Oh! But you're such a hot deal here in Redemption! Only because you're fucking the owner of the company. If it wasn't for the fact that you're bumping uglies with Devlin.....you'd just be another piece of ass here in Redemption. Me on the other hand, undefeated, unstoppable, and the most dangerous man in this company.

Oh! You're undefeated in EWC with the PRIME brand. Congrats.......you're doing great things on the D show of the company that's filled with wrestlers that are use to wrestling in bingo halls and High School Basket Ball Courts. Me on the other hand, I'm on the A show with Brawl where I'm the current X-Division Champion.

Redemption......EWC......and even GOL.....I am a dominate force and making a name for myself as being the most dangerous man in the wrestling industry today because I take little jokes like you Trixie.....and I show them to the masses what they truely are.....and that's frauds. Trixe I plan on beating that scrawny ass of yours once again and show to the Redemption world that you are nothing.......while I am the real deal. Daddy ain't going to help you. Your friends in the back.....they aren't going to help you. The fans......they aren't going to help you either. The only one that's going to help you.....is yourself Trixie.....and you're not going to help yourself because as soon as I step in that ring with you.....flashes of our last match will enter your mind and you'll be frozen in your little boots.....frozen with fear that you're going to get your ass beaten one more time.

One month Trixe......you had one month to evolve. So.....show me what you got because if you don't........if you're frozen in fear......your career will die by my hands."

(Lifting up my hands, I glare into the camera as I slowly begin to breath in deeply.)

Jack Tillman: "Trixie with my two hands........I will tear you apart and cover that ring with your blood and show everyone here in Redemption why I am......Jack "The Ripper" Tillman."

(Slowly making my way towards the camera, I lean towards the camera and slowly tap on the camera lens as I give off a sinister grin.)

Jack Tillman: "Die.......Trixie......Die."

(With that.......end scene.)