Post by Alice Knight on Jan 17, 2017 18:47:29 GMT -5
Bearded Man- Give me all your money, jewels, and tampons! NOW!!
She spins around about to clock him in the face with fists but recognizes the individual.
Alice- Oh my god! Zed is that you? What are you doing in Japan? On the run from the law? Did you kill someone?
Zed- ALICE, YOU KNOW I'M INNOCENT!!! (closes his eyes, sticks teeth out and does a horrible Asian impression)- WHO OWDARD POWRK WIF RICE!?!?!?!
Alice(laughs)- That is SO racist. So racist. I thought you were working at the dump in Jersey?
Zed- Totes. But i'm on Va-Va!
ALice- Valerie's-Vagina? I thought you and Val broke up? After you stole and sold her false teeth for beer money.
Zed- No. No Alice. Vacation. I won two tickets to Japan on this lotto thingy. Long story short. Sold the other ticket for eating money, I'm in Japan, with lots of eating money. Eating money aside, what are you doing here? I thought you were doing the wrestling thing again?
Alice- I am! I'm actually on a Japanese Tour for Glory, this company i'm working for, Redemption Wrestling is paying for everything. Got this huge Genesis title match against this awesome talent, Trixie at the next show. But the thing is i'm kind of on a losing streak, Which sucks. Sucks Pork balls. My confidence level is at 100...
Zed- 100? That doesnt sound too bad...
Alice- ... OUT OF 60 BILLION!!!!!!
Zed- Whoa, you had me at 100...
Alice(nodding)- Yep, had you at a 100 and then i did the switch-a-roo and...
Zed- Yep... 60 billion. Crazy. Switched-Da-Roo on me...
Alice- Yes. 60 billion. You thought everything was HONKEY dory at 100 but...
Zed- It's not HONKEY dory. It's HUNKY dory.
Alice(confused)- I thought I said hunky.
Zed- No. No. You said HONKEY!
Alice- Whatever we're getting off topic, here. Listen. I got to hit the gym in a few hours. Wanna grab lunch? I'm making some pretty sweet cash in Redemption Wrestling. So my treat. Plus it be nice to vent about my huge title match with Trixie with an old friend instead of that weird Japanese janitor at my hotel who I always catch digging in my drawers and ....
Zed grabs ALices lips and shuts her up.
Zed- You had me a free food. Let's dine!!!
ALice- You smell like urine by the way, Zed.
Zed- Yeah, alot!
- - - - -
Kaikaya by the Sea
4:30pm
Alice and Zed can be seen sitting at a table side by side in a crowded Japanese restaurant.
Zed- ... then i spent a brief sentence for manslaughter after I threw this haunted typewriter out of my building. Landed on 5 kids riding a bicycle. Not sure how they all fit on the one bike... but the typewriter destroyed any remains of the bike and children and... look at me rambling on about me. Me this. Me that. Me this thaty thissy that! What about you, Alice? What have you been up too? How's this 'rassling thing going?
Alice- Well it started on such a high, Zed. Not like a gasoline in a garbage bag, super glue on a napkin kind of high. But the real kind. The kind you pay for. Like, i totally won this number one contender ship title shot at Winter Solstice. For the Genesis title in the main event. In front of 8,000 people. Against Trixie of all people. This is I believe her first title defense, so i know for a FACT she doesn't plan on losing it right away. Especially to some nobody like me.
Zed- Aw, Alice you're not a nobody. Who's the girl that took Online Championship Wrestling by storm... you Alice Knight. Who is the girl who made a semi decent impact in the IWA. You, Alice Knight. And who is the girl that can do a mean Jack Nicholson impression like no other? Not that it has anything to do with anything... but... c'mon... do it....
Alice(blushing)- No... no... um... okay.... (she makes a creepy smile and points her eyebrows down while speaking in a scratchy voice) WAIT UNTIL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME! HERE's JOHNNY! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! SHOW ME THE MONEY! THE NEED... FOR SPEED!!!
Zed- Niiice. I think you went in the Tom Cruise direction near the end there, but still. You can do this. Get that 60 Billion of confidence back in you. I mean you won a few championships before. And this is the same Alice Knight who i met with Ferguson eating garbage out of trashcans outside of Tim Hortons. You have come a long way. Heyyyyy.... you should try aroma therapy.
Alice - Ray Romano Therapy? Sounds hilarious.
Zed- No. A-rom-a. Aroma therapy. It's where, and i may be wrong, but not likely, i'm never wrong, but it's where you use your sense of smell. You just inhale oils and plants through your nose. And it relaxes you or something. I'm usually stoned when i do it. But you should smell all kinds of stuff too fully utilize the aroma therapy. Trust me, do this sniffing on a daily basis and you will walk into Glory against Trixie and become the Peter Gabriel champion or whatever...
Alice - Funny you bring it up, i kind of already do this 'aroma therapy' if it consists of sniffing and smelling things. I have this blanket i had since i was a little girl that was given to me by uncle Pete. It's full of all kinds of stain patches around the blanky and each area has a different scent. From apple juice and dried blood, to dried blood with a hint of pine needles, to smoked meat bordering on newly opened DVD case smell with a mix of dried blood, each whiff fills my lungs with the youthful energy of life and loose blanket fibres with a possible turpentine component.
Zed- I meant more natural smells, but whatever works for you. Relaxation is your first step to winning this belt you want.
Alice- Zed. I respect your ideas and your spirit. But I don't see how this will help me beat Trixie at Glory. I can seriously doubt that she is smelling old rags to prepare for this match. I'm sure she gets motivation from her mother, from what I read they are really close. I don't have anybody to push me and look out for me. I even looked to GOD once. Yes, laugh if you will, Zed. But GOD and religion can motivate you in these kinds of situations. To put it simply, I believe that if you keep God happy, he will let you live a long a wonderful life. If you make him angry, he will also let you live a long life, but you have to host Family Feud for several years. I plan to keep him happy, I may not go to church every week, month, year, whatever. But on his birthday I leave him cookies and milk and even mini carrots for his reindeers. And for that, is it too much to ask that GOD injures or gives Trixie a cough-due-to-a-cold making her not 100% for our match at Glory? And this time i mean 100 out of a 100. Not that 60 Billion nonsense. But I know that won't happen. I need to face the facts. Trixie is gonna be really ready for me, and if i want to get out of this losing streak rut I'm in, i need to bring it as much as I can. This is a huge match for both of us. Well... for me anyway.
Alice laughs and takes sip of white wine.
Zed- Damn Alice. You seem really nervous. Never seen you like this before.
Alice- Yeah I am a little nervous. But once i hit the gym, lift some weights, do some stretches, hit the punching bag and put on some Gerry Rafferty while I youtube matches of Trixie I should be fine. Oh yeah. All at once. I'm going the whole 9 yards for this match. Have you seen how sexy this new Genesis Championship belt is? It's so lovely it is. I won't need a boyfriend or any new friends if i can win this championship. But then again, it could make me miss popular around the business. Yeeeeeah. That be great too.
Zed- So you're kind of like Pauley Shore and that one Rudy dude from Encino Man!!?!? Not popular, or cool, kind of stupid, lame, dorky, dumb...
Alice- OKAY!! TO THE POINT, PLEASE!
Zed- But when you find the Encino Man iced in the backyard, aka, the Genesis Title, he/it makes you cool... making it... the Encino Genesis... and... and... and... man i wish I had Netflix.
Alice(sighing)- Always a time wasting pleasure with you, Zed. Thanks though.
Zed- I'll drink to that.
Zed chugs down his beer as Alice frowns with uncertainty about her match with Trixie as she takes another sip of the wine. The scene fades out.
