Post by Jazmyn Rain on Jul 8, 2018 21:11:32 GMT -5
“Life’s About To Get Good”
Date: July 2, 2018
A week after the last Dissension and six days prior to WrestleForce 2, NGW Five Lakes Champion Jazmyn Rain decided to return to Charlotte, largely to get a breather from the spotlight after the rough go of things that she has had lately. With the whirlwind that she’s experienced in NGW, one can’t exactly blame her for how she’s been feeling. But, for the moment, it’s family time as the Five Lakes Champion is stopping by her father’s place for a visit. She finds herself outside in the backyard, facing a setting sun and a gentle breeze. Jazmyn leans against the fence as she stares into nearby woods trying to do everything she can to just clear her mind and get herself as focused as she can be for WrestleForce.
Jazmyn (thinking): It has to get better right? It HAS to get better!
Jazmyn lets out a sigh as she continues to look into the woods.
Jazmyn (thinking): NGW is on deck again. WrestleForce. I’m torn. I’m not sure how much more I can take. The last anyone saw of me… oh gosh, it was embarrassing.
As Jazmyn continues to process her thoughts, she’s completely oblivious to the fact that Tammy, her stepmother, is approaching her.
Jazmyn (thinking): I don’t know what I’m supposed to be sometimes. The shadows are cruel, I’ll say that for a fact.
Tammy: You’re not coming in for dinner?
Jazmyn acts slightly startled as Tammy leans on the fence next to her.
Jazmyn: I’m not hungry, but thanks.
Tammy: Are you good, hon?
Jazmyn: I wish I could say I was.
Tammy: Yeah, I’ve been seein’ you struggle lately. Breaks my heart!
Jazmyn: I’m sorry for being a disappointment lately, Mom.
Tammy: You don’t need to apologize to me.
Jazmyn: It’s just… I can’t get out of the fact that all I’ve done in NGW lately is lose…
Tammy: Sweetheart… that’s the least of your problems right now. I’m not talkin’ about your struggles in your career. I’m talkin’ about how you’ve been copin’ with things lately.
Jazmyn and Tammy turn toward each other.
Jazmyn: Look, I am not in the mood for a lecture right now. I know what I’ve been doing wrong.
Tammy: So why don’t you break it down for me?
Jazmyn: Fine…
Jazmyn sighs.
Jazmyn: So, there’s been my recent futility with NGW as far as singles matches are concerned. I tapped out to Johnny Maverick which killed my confidence. Then Myra comes around and we talked and I’m not going to lie, she was right about what she was saying. It sucked knowing that I was hiding behind this “Guardian Angel” thing. If that wasn’t enough, Cammie betrayed me. She was using me this entire time. I cancelled my book project. Apocalypse is a thing again in GCW. I’ve been trying to help Victoria cope with her relationship ending. I told off Catarina and gave her everything I had been holding back for years. Yeah, I’d say not much has been right in the last two months.
Jazmyn sighs again, having recapped all of the drama that she has found herself surrounded by lately.
Tammy: And do ya feel you’ve been doin’ right by yourself through all this?
Jazmyn: I try, that’s all I can do. I know with firing Cammie and taking her to court for money she stole from me, I did the right thing. Trying to be human and giving myself a chance, that’s a good thing. But, I regret the way I’ve handled my NGW adversity lately. I feel so guilty about it. I just feel like I haven’t been doing right by myself there these days. And between you and me? I even regret the way I talked to Catarina on Mother’s Day.
Jazmyn is able to maintain her composure as she pours out the downs that she’s experienced and the wrongs that she has committed along the way in terms of dealing with them.
Tammy: Jaz…
Jazmyn: Yeah? Hold on… before you get any further, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not in the mood for lecturing right now, with all due respect.
Tammy has a soft chuckle in response to what Jazmyn just said.
Tammy: I wasn’t going to lecture you, sweetheart. You’re thirty-four years old now. At this point, if I told you what I thought about all that you just said, I wouldn’t be tellin’ ya anything you already know. You know that you’ve done wrong along the way. It hurt my heart seein’ ya have that breakdown last weekend after ya lost again. You know you’re better than that. You’ve got the whole world ahead of ya, all these great things.
Jazmyn: It doesn’t seem like it sometimes. It seems like the more I accomplish in my career, the harder life gets.
Tammy: And sittin’ there on camera feelin’ sorry for yourself is the way to handle it?
Jazmyn expresses guilt through her eyes, knowing how wrong she was. Thinking back to her breakdown on Dissension, she even cringes a little bit, feeling a slight bit of embarrassment knowing that she was overbearing, even if that wasn’t what she intended to be. Jazmyn answers Tammy’s question by shaking her head.
Tammy: I wasn’t disappointed in ya for losin’. But I was very disappointed in ya for how you handled it.
Hearing those words brings more guilt home for Jazmyn as her eyes narrow for a split second to indicate how much those words stung her. Even though Tammy isn’t her mother by birth, Jazmyn still feels the guilt of knowing that she disappointed her.
Jazmyn: I’m going to be better about it, I promise you. I just had enough of catching bad break after bad break. Everything with NGW built up to that point and I know I acted the wrong way. I can’t change the past. I can’t do anything about the way I acted. The only thing that I can do is just take the next challenge for what it is and do everything that I have to do in order to overcome it. When I first started there, I admit, I acted like I knew that everyone knew who I was. But then I found out it wasn’t like that. I didn’t realize GCW was so BAD at promoting their product that so little of the roster actually knew who I am. It scared me. It’s like being a kid and going to a new school and not knowing any of the other kids. And I’ve taken everything personally like… I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. I thought that confronting Catarina and telling her off and putting her down the exact same way she used to put me down growing up was going to fix everything and that I wouldn’t be so hard on myself anymore. I thought getting payback against her was the one thing that would stop me from questioning myself all the time. I attacked her with hate… thinking it was the solution to everything.
Tammy: But it wasn’t, was it?
Jazmyn: No. It actually made things worse. I felt so guilty about it the next day and then things have been kind of snowballing from there. I’ve expressed so much hate in my heart: whether it’s the Destroyers in NGW, Apocalypse in GCW, Catarina and the way she brought me up, people that doubt me, the idea of being in the shadows, and… I hate to admit it but the burdens that came with being a Guardian… it’s nothing personal against Adrien or Jess. They know that. But they’re also right that I’ve had it the best out of all the Guardians.
Tammy: Exactly. They are. You’ve got it so darn good, but you’re not enjoying it because you’re so caught up in childhood pain.
Jazmyn: Yeah, I’m not going to deny that.
Tammy: I can tell you that it’ll get better, because it will. But I can’t get you to believe that. That’s got to come from you. You know what you are. You know what you need to do. You know how to solve your problems. Again, I don’t need to tell you how because you already know how.
Jazmyn: Not with hate… that’s obvious. But I admit it, I’ve screwed up. Not to mention that I burned my bridge with Catarina for good. If she didn’t have a valid reason to hate me before, now she does. And knowing that I burned the bridge…
Tammy: Jazmyn…
Jazmyn: What?
Tammy: Quit it!
Jazmyn: Quit what?
Tammy: Feelin’ sorry for yourself. You’re already jumpin’ to conclusions when you don’t know the whole story. How do you know that she hates you and that the bridge is burned? Have you talked to her? Don’t answer that. I already know you haven’t.
Jazmyn: How?
Tammy: Because if you’ve made any attempt to smooth things over, she wouldn’t be mailing this to you….
Jazmyn: Mailing what? Huh?
Tammy reaches into her back pocket and pulls out an unopened envelope. Jazmyn gently takes it and sees that her mother mailed something to her using her father’s address. The Five Lakes Champion nervously opens the envelope.
Jazmyn: It’s a letter… she wrote me a letter…
Jazmyn pulls out the letter and she’s on pins and needles as she unfolds it and begins to read it aloud.
Jazmyn (reading aloud): “Jazmyn…
I forgive you for the way you talked to me on Mother’s Day. I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve come to realize that I deserved it. You are right. I wasn’t there for you during your rock bottom moments or your down times… until now. I’ve caught up on your career. I’ve been watching on television. I see that you’ve been in pain and that you’ve been going through plenty. You’re doubting yourself. You’re struggling, trying to put on a brave face when you know that you’re in pain. I see it. And now I understand the pain that I caused you growing up. I know that you’re like that because of what I’ve done to you. So, I want to say that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry about treating you like a burden and not a child.
I’m sorry that I broke your self-esteem.
I’m sorry that because of me, you struggled with your confidence and still do occasionally.
I’m sorry that I made you feel worthless.
I’m sorry that I made you feel insecure.
I take responsibility for your rock bottom, and for your drug addiction from a few years ago because if I cared for you and nurtured you the way any mother should, you would have never fallen into that habit to begin with.
I take responsibility for all the pain you’ve felt, and to a smaller extent, still feel today.
I want to let you know that you’re not a burden and you never were. But what you are?
You are my daughter and a champion that I missed out on! You are beautiful, you are strong, you are brilliant, you are the most amazing human being that I could ever know. You have grown into an incredible woman… someone that any child would love to have as their mother and when the day comes that you do have children of your own, I have no doubts that you are going to be a far better mother to them than I ever was to you. I love you with everything in my heart and I deeply regret raising you the way I did and missing out on such an indomitable spirit that only gets stronger. You don’t deserve to hurt from the past anymore. I want you to be happy and to enjoy the good times you are experiencing now.
I love you Jazmyn. I love you, my daughter…
My strong, brilliant, beautiful daughter!
Love,
Mom”
Jazmyn is initially shellshocked reading aloud those words from Catarina, words that she never thought she would ever read or hear from her.
Tammy: Wow…
Jazmyn: I.... I don’t….
Tammy: How does it feel?
Jazmyn: I feel like… like…
Jazmyn is able to maintain her composure as she goes through her feelings.
Jazmyn: I feel like life really IS good now! I feel like my childhood pain has finally healed. I have no reason to break the way I’ve broken lately again. Everything seems so clear to me now! And you know what this means for WrestleForce?
Tammy: Hmm?
Jazmyn: I’m… I’m going to win…
Tammy smiles for a few seconds, happy that her stepdaughter has seen the light.
Jazmyn: I know it! I am going to win!
Tammy: That’s my girl!
Jazmyn and Tammy exchange a hug that lasts for about a minute before Tammy heads back inside to leave Jazmyn to her thoughts. Jazmyn leans against the fence, looking at the letter that was sent to her.
Jazmyn (thinking): Life really IS about to get good… REALLY good!
Jazmyn takes it all in as she lets her childhood pain melt away at last.
Date: July 2, 2018
A week after the last Dissension and six days prior to WrestleForce 2, NGW Five Lakes Champion Jazmyn Rain decided to return to Charlotte, largely to get a breather from the spotlight after the rough go of things that she has had lately. With the whirlwind that she’s experienced in NGW, one can’t exactly blame her for how she’s been feeling. But, for the moment, it’s family time as the Five Lakes Champion is stopping by her father’s place for a visit. She finds herself outside in the backyard, facing a setting sun and a gentle breeze. Jazmyn leans against the fence as she stares into nearby woods trying to do everything she can to just clear her mind and get herself as focused as she can be for WrestleForce.
Jazmyn (thinking): It has to get better right? It HAS to get better!
Jazmyn lets out a sigh as she continues to look into the woods.
Jazmyn (thinking): NGW is on deck again. WrestleForce. I’m torn. I’m not sure how much more I can take. The last anyone saw of me… oh gosh, it was embarrassing.
As Jazmyn continues to process her thoughts, she’s completely oblivious to the fact that Tammy, her stepmother, is approaching her.
Jazmyn (thinking): I don’t know what I’m supposed to be sometimes. The shadows are cruel, I’ll say that for a fact.
Tammy: You’re not coming in for dinner?
Jazmyn acts slightly startled as Tammy leans on the fence next to her.
Jazmyn: I’m not hungry, but thanks.
Tammy: Are you good, hon?
Jazmyn: I wish I could say I was.
Tammy: Yeah, I’ve been seein’ you struggle lately. Breaks my heart!
Jazmyn: I’m sorry for being a disappointment lately, Mom.
Tammy: You don’t need to apologize to me.
Jazmyn: It’s just… I can’t get out of the fact that all I’ve done in NGW lately is lose…
Tammy: Sweetheart… that’s the least of your problems right now. I’m not talkin’ about your struggles in your career. I’m talkin’ about how you’ve been copin’ with things lately.
Jazmyn and Tammy turn toward each other.
Jazmyn: Look, I am not in the mood for a lecture right now. I know what I’ve been doing wrong.
Tammy: So why don’t you break it down for me?
Jazmyn: Fine…
Jazmyn sighs.
Jazmyn: So, there’s been my recent futility with NGW as far as singles matches are concerned. I tapped out to Johnny Maverick which killed my confidence. Then Myra comes around and we talked and I’m not going to lie, she was right about what she was saying. It sucked knowing that I was hiding behind this “Guardian Angel” thing. If that wasn’t enough, Cammie betrayed me. She was using me this entire time. I cancelled my book project. Apocalypse is a thing again in GCW. I’ve been trying to help Victoria cope with her relationship ending. I told off Catarina and gave her everything I had been holding back for years. Yeah, I’d say not much has been right in the last two months.
Jazmyn sighs again, having recapped all of the drama that she has found herself surrounded by lately.
Tammy: And do ya feel you’ve been doin’ right by yourself through all this?
Jazmyn: I try, that’s all I can do. I know with firing Cammie and taking her to court for money she stole from me, I did the right thing. Trying to be human and giving myself a chance, that’s a good thing. But, I regret the way I’ve handled my NGW adversity lately. I feel so guilty about it. I just feel like I haven’t been doing right by myself there these days. And between you and me? I even regret the way I talked to Catarina on Mother’s Day.
Jazmyn is able to maintain her composure as she pours out the downs that she’s experienced and the wrongs that she has committed along the way in terms of dealing with them.
Tammy: Jaz…
Jazmyn: Yeah? Hold on… before you get any further, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not in the mood for lecturing right now, with all due respect.
Tammy has a soft chuckle in response to what Jazmyn just said.
Tammy: I wasn’t going to lecture you, sweetheart. You’re thirty-four years old now. At this point, if I told you what I thought about all that you just said, I wouldn’t be tellin’ ya anything you already know. You know that you’ve done wrong along the way. It hurt my heart seein’ ya have that breakdown last weekend after ya lost again. You know you’re better than that. You’ve got the whole world ahead of ya, all these great things.
Jazmyn: It doesn’t seem like it sometimes. It seems like the more I accomplish in my career, the harder life gets.
Tammy: And sittin’ there on camera feelin’ sorry for yourself is the way to handle it?
Jazmyn expresses guilt through her eyes, knowing how wrong she was. Thinking back to her breakdown on Dissension, she even cringes a little bit, feeling a slight bit of embarrassment knowing that she was overbearing, even if that wasn’t what she intended to be. Jazmyn answers Tammy’s question by shaking her head.
Tammy: I wasn’t disappointed in ya for losin’. But I was very disappointed in ya for how you handled it.
Hearing those words brings more guilt home for Jazmyn as her eyes narrow for a split second to indicate how much those words stung her. Even though Tammy isn’t her mother by birth, Jazmyn still feels the guilt of knowing that she disappointed her.
Jazmyn: I’m going to be better about it, I promise you. I just had enough of catching bad break after bad break. Everything with NGW built up to that point and I know I acted the wrong way. I can’t change the past. I can’t do anything about the way I acted. The only thing that I can do is just take the next challenge for what it is and do everything that I have to do in order to overcome it. When I first started there, I admit, I acted like I knew that everyone knew who I was. But then I found out it wasn’t like that. I didn’t realize GCW was so BAD at promoting their product that so little of the roster actually knew who I am. It scared me. It’s like being a kid and going to a new school and not knowing any of the other kids. And I’ve taken everything personally like… I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. I thought that confronting Catarina and telling her off and putting her down the exact same way she used to put me down growing up was going to fix everything and that I wouldn’t be so hard on myself anymore. I thought getting payback against her was the one thing that would stop me from questioning myself all the time. I attacked her with hate… thinking it was the solution to everything.
Tammy: But it wasn’t, was it?
Jazmyn: No. It actually made things worse. I felt so guilty about it the next day and then things have been kind of snowballing from there. I’ve expressed so much hate in my heart: whether it’s the Destroyers in NGW, Apocalypse in GCW, Catarina and the way she brought me up, people that doubt me, the idea of being in the shadows, and… I hate to admit it but the burdens that came with being a Guardian… it’s nothing personal against Adrien or Jess. They know that. But they’re also right that I’ve had it the best out of all the Guardians.
Tammy: Exactly. They are. You’ve got it so darn good, but you’re not enjoying it because you’re so caught up in childhood pain.
Jazmyn: Yeah, I’m not going to deny that.
Tammy: I can tell you that it’ll get better, because it will. But I can’t get you to believe that. That’s got to come from you. You know what you are. You know what you need to do. You know how to solve your problems. Again, I don’t need to tell you how because you already know how.
Jazmyn: Not with hate… that’s obvious. But I admit it, I’ve screwed up. Not to mention that I burned my bridge with Catarina for good. If she didn’t have a valid reason to hate me before, now she does. And knowing that I burned the bridge…
Tammy: Jazmyn…
Jazmyn: What?
Tammy: Quit it!
Jazmyn: Quit what?
Tammy: Feelin’ sorry for yourself. You’re already jumpin’ to conclusions when you don’t know the whole story. How do you know that she hates you and that the bridge is burned? Have you talked to her? Don’t answer that. I already know you haven’t.
Jazmyn: How?
Tammy: Because if you’ve made any attempt to smooth things over, she wouldn’t be mailing this to you….
Jazmyn: Mailing what? Huh?
Tammy reaches into her back pocket and pulls out an unopened envelope. Jazmyn gently takes it and sees that her mother mailed something to her using her father’s address. The Five Lakes Champion nervously opens the envelope.
Jazmyn: It’s a letter… she wrote me a letter…
Jazmyn pulls out the letter and she’s on pins and needles as she unfolds it and begins to read it aloud.
Jazmyn (reading aloud): “Jazmyn…
I forgive you for the way you talked to me on Mother’s Day. I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve come to realize that I deserved it. You are right. I wasn’t there for you during your rock bottom moments or your down times… until now. I’ve caught up on your career. I’ve been watching on television. I see that you’ve been in pain and that you’ve been going through plenty. You’re doubting yourself. You’re struggling, trying to put on a brave face when you know that you’re in pain. I see it. And now I understand the pain that I caused you growing up. I know that you’re like that because of what I’ve done to you. So, I want to say that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry about treating you like a burden and not a child.
I’m sorry that I broke your self-esteem.
I’m sorry that because of me, you struggled with your confidence and still do occasionally.
I’m sorry that I made you feel worthless.
I’m sorry that I made you feel insecure.
I take responsibility for your rock bottom, and for your drug addiction from a few years ago because if I cared for you and nurtured you the way any mother should, you would have never fallen into that habit to begin with.
I take responsibility for all the pain you’ve felt, and to a smaller extent, still feel today.
I want to let you know that you’re not a burden and you never were. But what you are?
You are my daughter and a champion that I missed out on! You are beautiful, you are strong, you are brilliant, you are the most amazing human being that I could ever know. You have grown into an incredible woman… someone that any child would love to have as their mother and when the day comes that you do have children of your own, I have no doubts that you are going to be a far better mother to them than I ever was to you. I love you with everything in my heart and I deeply regret raising you the way I did and missing out on such an indomitable spirit that only gets stronger. You don’t deserve to hurt from the past anymore. I want you to be happy and to enjoy the good times you are experiencing now.
I love you Jazmyn. I love you, my daughter…
My strong, brilliant, beautiful daughter!
Love,
Mom”
Jazmyn is initially shellshocked reading aloud those words from Catarina, words that she never thought she would ever read or hear from her.
Tammy: Wow…
Jazmyn: I.... I don’t….
Tammy: How does it feel?
Jazmyn: I feel like… like…
Jazmyn is able to maintain her composure as she goes through her feelings.
Jazmyn: I feel like life really IS good now! I feel like my childhood pain has finally healed. I have no reason to break the way I’ve broken lately again. Everything seems so clear to me now! And you know what this means for WrestleForce?
Tammy: Hmm?
Jazmyn: I’m… I’m going to win…
Tammy smiles for a few seconds, happy that her stepdaughter has seen the light.
Jazmyn: I know it! I am going to win!
Tammy: That’s my girl!
Jazmyn and Tammy exchange a hug that lasts for about a minute before Tammy heads back inside to leave Jazmyn to her thoughts. Jazmyn leans against the fence, looking at the letter that was sent to her.
Jazmyn (thinking): Life really IS about to get good… REALLY good!
Jazmyn takes it all in as she lets her childhood pain melt away at last.
