Post by teevee on Jul 6, 2018 16:52:33 GMT -5
The scene opens to a cacophony of noise and flashing lights. The sounds of bells, buzzers, and some teeny bopper pop song du'jour playing over a loud speaker merge with squealing and yelling children. It appears to be the game floor of a Chuck E Cheese's "restaurant."Standing out among the swarms of ten year olds and a few adult chaperones is Tee Voland, looking out of place in black jeans, boots, and leather motorcycle jacket. Those unfamiliar with the Voland family would likely find it even more incongruous that she's playing whack-a-mole on two adjacent tables simultaneously with a mallet in each hand. Her younger brother, Lex, clad similarly plus a pair of dark tinted wraparound sunglasses and his blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, walks up next to her. He crosses his arms, looking bored.
Lex: So tell me again, why are we here?
Tee continues whacking away even as she answers.
Tee: Because I'm training for a chaotic endurance match they have whack-a-mole here. Your brother does the same thing, helps tune your reflexes. Also, Milla likes to play skee-ball.
*whap thud boom*
Lex: Milla's less than half your age. If it's an endurance match then shouldn't you be focusing on conditioning?
Tee hammers out a six hit combo, going back and forth between the tables with both mallets.
Tee: I work out for at least three hours a day five days a week. I jog forty miles a week, plus weight training, all around gymnastics practice, sparring with trainers, and I also teach a pole dancing class Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think my conditioning is just fine.
Lex glances down at the trails of prize tickets hanging from the machines. He then leans over the edge of one table where Tee's glass of cola is perched and sniffs at it.
Lex: We've been here for an hour and a half and that's all you've won? Did you sneak a flask of hooch in here or something? or something?
Tee bangs out another drum solo on the machine, this time just barely missing Lex's face with the follow through from a backhanded strike. In fact, if he hadn't flinched in time she would have knocked the obnoxious shades off of his face. Then she keeps on hammering away while pointedly ignoring the brief scowl on her brother's face.
Tee: Milla came by a few minutes ago and I gave her my tickets. She had just about as many herself though.
The time on her round finally runs out and the scoreboard flashes all nines, then the machines vomit a few dozen tickets each. Dropping the mallets, Tee bends to rip off the tickets and hands them to Lex.
Tee: Go get yourself a Power Rangers decoder ring or whatever.
Lex: Ha ha. Since when am I the one telling you to focus on your match. It's for a title and you're facing five other wrestlers in a free for all.
Tee: Seven, dingus. Six if you don't count John Blad. Because why the hell would you count John Blade? As to my real opponents, they're all some kind of nutcase yahoos. I guess that's par for the course in professional wrestling but a few of them have actually been patients in psych wards. I think they think that's supposed to scare me like they're unpredictable and shit. If I want to see something scary from Jazmyn Rain I'd check out the bathroom of her hotel room after she checks out. The closest person to being mentally stable in this match is one of the most generic redneck farm boys I could imagine.
Lex: Says the woman who once swung at a referee with a turbo weed wacker.
Tee: That was one time! Once! And I was supposed to bring in a weapon of my choice. There was no stipulation against that choice including a two stroke engine. That ref had it coming. I knew exactly what I was doing, I'm "unpredictable" by design, by distraction and misdirection. I don't rely on being a loony bin parolee to form a strategy or however that Granger kid comes up with her stuff. That one's a special kind of fruit loop, just smart enough and crazy enough to be dangerous. To society in general, I mean. Not so much in the ring, I think.
On the other hand, it's going to be a long match for most of us if we want to win that Five Lakes Championship at the end. People get tired, distractable, fresh opponents enter. That's where conditioning and awareness come into play, which is why we're at this cardboard pizza slinging, epileptic seizure inducing kiddie arcade.
Lex: Is there a reason you insisted on ordering an extra large cardboard pizza before "training?"
Tee: I figured trying to think and move quickly with all that greasy paper product churning around in my guts might prepare me for seeing Granger up close.
Before Lex can pursue any further questions, their youngest sibling, Milla, a full foot shorter than the other two, walks into view carrying a giant pink teddy bear that appears to be nearly as big as she is.
Milla: You done yet? I can barely see past this thing but I don't want to set it down on the floor. Stupid little shithead brats need better parental supervision.
Lex pulls an iPhone out of his jacket and snaps a picture of his kid sister.
Milla: What'd you do that for?
Lex: So I have something to remind you and everybody else nearby just how ridiculous you look right now to be complaining about kids.
Milla: Do you see me puking that greased up compost they call pizza all over the place? Even you are potty trained and don't bite, usually.
Tee: Okay, okay, already, we get it. I'm clearly a superior parental figure because you're such a smart and well behaved little shithead, right?
If Milla has a comeback, it's muffled by her humongous teddy bear as the three walk out of the frame and the screen fades to black.
Lex: So tell me again, why are we here?
Tee continues whacking away even as she answers.
Tee: Because I'm training for a chaotic endurance match they have whack-a-mole here. Your brother does the same thing, helps tune your reflexes. Also, Milla likes to play skee-ball.
*whap thud boom*
Lex: Milla's less than half your age. If it's an endurance match then shouldn't you be focusing on conditioning?
Tee hammers out a six hit combo, going back and forth between the tables with both mallets.
Tee: I work out for at least three hours a day five days a week. I jog forty miles a week, plus weight training, all around gymnastics practice, sparring with trainers, and I also teach a pole dancing class Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think my conditioning is just fine.
Lex glances down at the trails of prize tickets hanging from the machines. He then leans over the edge of one table where Tee's glass of cola is perched and sniffs at it.
Lex: We've been here for an hour and a half and that's all you've won? Did you sneak a flask of hooch in here or something? or something?
Tee bangs out another drum solo on the machine, this time just barely missing Lex's face with the follow through from a backhanded strike. In fact, if he hadn't flinched in time she would have knocked the obnoxious shades off of his face. Then she keeps on hammering away while pointedly ignoring the brief scowl on her brother's face.
Tee: Milla came by a few minutes ago and I gave her my tickets. She had just about as many herself though.
The time on her round finally runs out and the scoreboard flashes all nines, then the machines vomit a few dozen tickets each. Dropping the mallets, Tee bends to rip off the tickets and hands them to Lex.
Tee: Go get yourself a Power Rangers decoder ring or whatever.
Lex: Ha ha. Since when am I the one telling you to focus on your match. It's for a title and you're facing five other wrestlers in a free for all.
Tee: Seven, dingus. Six if you don't count John Blad. Because why the hell would you count John Blade? As to my real opponents, they're all some kind of nutcase yahoos. I guess that's par for the course in professional wrestling but a few of them have actually been patients in psych wards. I think they think that's supposed to scare me like they're unpredictable and shit. If I want to see something scary from Jazmyn Rain I'd check out the bathroom of her hotel room after she checks out. The closest person to being mentally stable in this match is one of the most generic redneck farm boys I could imagine.
Lex: Says the woman who once swung at a referee with a turbo weed wacker.
Tee: That was one time! Once! And I was supposed to bring in a weapon of my choice. There was no stipulation against that choice including a two stroke engine. That ref had it coming. I knew exactly what I was doing, I'm "unpredictable" by design, by distraction and misdirection. I don't rely on being a loony bin parolee to form a strategy or however that Granger kid comes up with her stuff. That one's a special kind of fruit loop, just smart enough and crazy enough to be dangerous. To society in general, I mean. Not so much in the ring, I think.
On the other hand, it's going to be a long match for most of us if we want to win that Five Lakes Championship at the end. People get tired, distractable, fresh opponents enter. That's where conditioning and awareness come into play, which is why we're at this cardboard pizza slinging, epileptic seizure inducing kiddie arcade.
Lex: Is there a reason you insisted on ordering an extra large cardboard pizza before "training?"
Tee: I figured trying to think and move quickly with all that greasy paper product churning around in my guts might prepare me for seeing Granger up close.
Before Lex can pursue any further questions, their youngest sibling, Milla, a full foot shorter than the other two, walks into view carrying a giant pink teddy bear that appears to be nearly as big as she is.
Milla: You done yet? I can barely see past this thing but I don't want to set it down on the floor. Stupid little shithead brats need better parental supervision.
Lex pulls an iPhone out of his jacket and snaps a picture of his kid sister.
Milla: What'd you do that for?
Lex: So I have something to remind you and everybody else nearby just how ridiculous you look right now to be complaining about kids.
Milla: Do you see me puking that greased up compost they call pizza all over the place? Even you are potty trained and don't bite, usually.
Tee: Okay, okay, already, we get it. I'm clearly a superior parental figure because you're such a smart and well behaved little shithead, right?
If Milla has a comeback, it's muffled by her humongous teddy bear as the three walk out of the frame and the screen fades to black.