Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on May 27, 2018 15:33:03 GMT -5
RONNIE NORTH
Porn and Yoga
Porn and Yoga
“I gotta say, I’m starting to understand why you took to yoga so quickly. If you’re halfway as flexible as the actors you have in your films then...yeah.” is the ending Kaylee settles on for that sentence. Offscreen something very adult is happening and we can hear some of the exaggerated moaning. Ronnie is scratching his chin as he watches what we can’t see and Kaylee is trying to process it. She thought she’d seen it all but… well Ronnie is a visionary.
“I mean I also co-own a rec center and gym so…you know… I’m not out of shape.” Ronnie says.
“Little self-conscious about your body there?” Kaylee asks, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.
“Heck no! I am Two hundred and fifty pounds and 69 ounces of pure 80’s American Beefcake and I know it!” Ronnie says.
“Hey, quiet on the set.” Kaylee says to him.
“You can’t tell me to…Would you please get out of my chair? It’s a director’s chair and I’m the Director.” Ronnie asks.
“Maybe I should get a Guest Directors credit. I said ‘harder’ earlier and they seem to have been listening.” Kaylee suggests.
“They already know to do that. I have it down to a science. They know their timing well. It’s called the Ronnie method. It’s what is gonna win me an AVN one of these days if I can keep working by the time Axel Braun retires. Man I hate that guy…” Ronnie says, balling his fist. A woman walks by who is very familiar to Kaylee.
“Uh…Ronnie? Is that me?” Kaylee asks.
“Hm? Oh yeah, that’s Kaylee Assie….still haven’t come up with a new name for her since you got married but I’m working on it. I had to cut her scene today because the Goo Blazer called in sick.” Ronnie says as he turns back to focus on the scene.
“So…you’re free for the rest of the day then?” Kaylee asks, suddenly very interested in the parody version of herself.
“Completely free. No plans at all.” The Parody Kaylee says.
“Hmmm….interesting.” Real Kaylee says.
“Hey! Kaylee! Are you hitting on yourself?” Ronnie asks, his focus being pulled away from his work.
“Yes.” Both Kaylee’s say. Ronnie turns to look at his work.
"Huh….well honestly if you bring a second Kaylee home it'll probably be an even bigger day for Josh than when he saw the Unicorn." Ronnie says. There is no response.
“Kay I guess I can give you a guest director cred-and they’re gone.” Ronnie says, turning around sighing when he realizes both of the Kaylee’s are gone.
“You’re welcome, Josh.” Ronnie says.
__________________________________________
“Don’t call it a comeback!” Ronnie says in his dressing room.
“The Radicalliance had to take a little bit of a break so I could recover from an injury I sustained attempting something on a Merry-Go-Round that has to be seen to be believed and is now available on the website and YES it is part of the Memorial Day sale. Josh had to let his singles flag fly but the Radicalliance coming back was always going to happen and we knew when we did it we were going to do it big. Frankly things got to a bit of a rocky start but now it is our time to claim what is ours. The NGW Tag Titles belong around the waist of a team that cares about the tag division and The Radicalliance? Man, that’s our thing. We’ve been the supreme advocates for this division since day one. Josh would’ve loved to be here and challenge for the titles as well but he has a war to win and all the power to him. When we win he WILL be defending the titles with us though. We all worked it out with Devlin that any pair of us can function as a tag team. I think it’s called the Furby Rule or something. Yes, that’s definitely it’s actual name. The Furby Rule.” Ronnie says with a shrug.
“They all thought the Radicalliance was gone but we came back bigger and badder than ever and now we are ready to reclaim our throne as the most Entertaining Tag Team in all of wrestling not to mention by far the most attractive. Seriously I don’t understand what women see in Josh but it’s…it’s crazy. We can’t go out in public without women running their hands through his hair. He thinks people are just being nice but… no. I think I just figured out what one of the Jew Blazer’s actual superpowers is... aside from how much he eats which is just….it isn’t human.” Ronnie says.
“I find myself against someone I have much in common with as we are both the muscle of our respective teams and we both know the industry a little bit…and I’m not talking about wrestling. Mason is a good dude who I have no issues with aside from the fact that it is freaking IMPOSSIBLE to cast an accurate parody actor for him. Seriously, dudes that big are NEVER packing heat downstairs and man is it the bane of my existence.” Ronnie says with a sigh.
“Now I don’t know what your lady did to piss off Kaylee because I’ve never watched this show but MAN can she not wait to get her hands on her in a way that will likely not be hot even to me and I can get into some weird stuff. "I’m not gonna tell you the things I’ve done with tapioca pudding in my life and now I don’t have to because in this moment you have now imagined every single thing I could possibly do with tapioca pudding and your existence has been irreversibly changed for the better because of it." Ronnie says with a firm nod. He looks around for a moment before his phone buzzes and he opens it.
“Right…Mya just sent me a picture and uhm… I forgot absolutely everything I was talking about so this is probably a good place to end this promo…so uh….” Ronnie says, his hand waves off the cameraman as his eyes remain transfixed to his screen.