Post by Jazmyn Rain on May 13, 2018 20:55:54 GMT -5
“Mother’s Day”
Date: May 13, 2018
“Are you sure you are ready for this?”
That was the text message that Derek sent Jazmyn as she’s moments away from seeing her biological mother for the first time in about seven years. Jazmyn takes a deep breath, obviously being nervous but she closes her eyes while she nods and responds to Derek’s text message.
“Yes, I am. I know that I am confronting something I wasn’t strong enough to do… until now. But have faith in me! I know I can do this!”
Jazmyn sends the text and then takes another deep breath. Thoughts run through her mind, though she doesn’t really know whether they are good thoughts or bad thoughts. All she’s focused on is seeing her biological mother face to face and overcoming every ounce of negativity she has ever had to deal with from her. Wearing a bright, yellow, sleeveless dress that cuts off just above the knees, Jazmyn compliments her style with a light, orange overcoat and a pair of yellow, Louboutin shoes. She knows in her mind that she already looks great, regardless of whatever criticism Catarina, her biological mother, may have about her style. She walks toward an outdoor restaurant where Catarina waits. Catarina, who was busy with her phone, looks up and sees her daughter. Her eyes widen in surprise as she is taken aback by what she is looking at.
Catarina: Jazmyn?
Jazmyn stands in front of her biological mother as she stands up to greet her. Catarina extends her arms for an embrace which is surely awkward for Jazmyn, but nonetheless, the Five Lakes Champion accepts this and embraces her. They both sit down at the table, which was prepared with food in advance. Jazmyn chooses to munch on some fruit as Catarina begins to talk to her.
Catarina: It’s been so long! When was the last time we saw each other? About three years ago?
Jazmyn: It was seven.
Jazmyn maintains her composure knowing that her mother couldn’t have paid attention to such a thing.
Catarina: Right of course. The last time I saw you, you were barely starting this wrestling career of yours. And to think, I thought you were foolish to pursue such a thing.
Jazmyn: Uh huh… I remember.
Catarina: You look fantastic by the way. You would have made one hell of a fashion model if you ask me!
Jazmyn continues to focus on her food.
Jazmyn: Thanks. So, how’ve you been? How’s the modeling agency you wanted me to be part of seven years ago?
Catarina: It’s alright. We’re still afloat and we’re still doing good things. So I hear you’re this… big time star now!
Jazmyn looks at her mother and nods.
Catarina: And I hear you’re engaged and going to get married in September. I’m so happy for you. Who’s the lucky man?
Jazmyn: It’s Derek.
Catarina: Derek? Derek… who?
Jazmyn: Derek Cordova… from high school.
Catarina: Oh…
Catarina raises her eyebrows, looking a little surprised.
Catarina: Not who I would have chosen for a husband, but you do you!
Jazmyn rolls her eyes as she is already annoyed by her biological mother’s ignorance and the fact that she’s focusing on all of the bigger things in her life instead of what’s happened between them in the past. Jazmyn knows in her heart that Catarina is merely wanting to talk to her because she amounted to something when the last time they spoke face to face, she was told that she wouldn’t. There’s an awkward pause in the conversation for a few moments as they both get through their lunch before the Five Lakes Champion decides to break the ice.
Jazmyn: Catarina…
Catarina: Jazmyn, you can call me “mom” just like you’ve always done…
Jazmyn: I prefer to call you by your name, if you don’t mind Catarina.
Catarina: Alright…
Catarina looks slightly uncomfortable at the idea of Jazmyn calling her something other than “mom” or “mother”, but nevertheless, she takes a breath to compose herself and to keep up with the conversation.
Jazmyn: Do you remember the last time we saw each other? You told me, and don’t deny it because you know you said it, that I was never going to amount to anything. Remember that?
Catarina drops the spoon she was using on the table, surprised that Jazmyn would bring that up.
Jazmyn: When I was growing up, you put food on the table, you put clothes in my closet, you put a roof over my head and I appreciate you doing that for me when I was a little girl, but when it came to bonding with me and raising me, you couldn’t care less. You NEVER wanted anything to do with me because you always felt like I was in the way. You didn’t see me as your daughter, you saw me as an inconvenience that stymied your fashion modeling career. You were so happy when I left Miami for Charlotte during the summer to be with my dad and you were so miserable when I came back in the fall to go back to school. You emotionally hurt and neglected me because you never saw anything in me and I find it so interesting that now that I’ve made something of myself, you suddenly want to sit down and have lunch with me!
Catarina’s jaw drops in shock. Jazmyn is shaking on the inside, clearly dealing with nerves as this is the first time that she has ever had the courage to stand up to her mother this way.
Jazmyn: Why? Why now? Why do you suddenly want to be my mother when I’m doing great things with my life?
Catarina: Jazmyn… I… I don’t know what to say. I love you and I always have. I just had a funny way of showing it. Maybe I should have raised you differently, but I raised you the best way that I could.
Jazmyn: Leaving me with self-esteem issues for much of my life until 2016 is the best way you could raise me?
Jazmyn is now really angry at this point.
Catarina: Jazmyn… honey…
Jazmyn: Leaving me an emotional wreck for so many years and making me feel like a piece of shit is the best way you could raise me? HUH? You were NEVER THERE for me on an EMOTIONAL level! You NEVER made the effort to bond with me when I was at my worst. You chose a business meeting over my high school graduation! You skipped my college graduation entirely. You belittled me when I lost my job at the behavioral health clinic! You mocked me for wanting to be a wrestler! All you did was beat me down and abuse me, not literally… but EMOTIONALLY… that is what you did! You SCARRED ME, Catarina and now you want to just act like none of that ever happened? You want to act like our relationship was ROSES? WHAT relationship? You had ONE JOB, and that was to be my MOM and you never were aside from the basic provisions! You weren’t there when I was struggling to break into wrestling! Instead, you beat me down and told me that I would never amount to ANYTHING!
Catarina: Jazmyn… please… this isn’t what I wanted….
Jazmyn: And what DID you want? To jump on the bandwagon and superficially start over just so you can get a piece of me? Is that it? Just so I can be one of your company’s fashion models on the side?
Catarina suddenly swallows some saliva and she’s completely frozen in shock. Her empty eyes tell the story and Jazmyn just laughs as she knows that such non-verbal communication is all that she needed to know.
Jazmyn: That’s what this is about, isn’t it?
Catarina: I thought maybe we could finally form that bond…
Jazmyn: Over what? YOUR fashion modeling agency? NO! If you had a contract for me in your purse, keep it in there! If you really wanted to bond with me, you would have been there for me when I suffered my rock bottom as a result of my drug issues five years ago… but you weren’t! If you truly cared for me, you would have been there for me when I was trying to get back in the business, but you weren’t there! You weren’t there when I suffered the most heartbreaking night of my career two years ago in GCW when my first ever world championship reign came to an end. You weren’t there when I suffered a cardiac arrest and DIED for three minutes before Derek revived me, saved my life and took care of me at the hospital! And when my life and career turned around for the better after that, you had no involvement in it at all! You had so many opportunities to be there for me and YOU WEREN’T THERE! And now… NOW… you want to “bond” with me… but it’s a superficial cover for the TRUTH and the TRUTH is… you only want to “bond” with me to make money off of me!
PERIOD!
I DESERVE better!
I DESERVED to have the woman that gave birth to me be a MOM instead of someone that emotionally ran me into the fucking ground again and again and again!
Jazmyn begins to shake with anger as she continues to let out EVERYTHING that she has ever wanted to tell Catarina, who at this point, is just stone cold frozen in shock, more or less trapped in a catatonic state.
Jazmyn: But you couldn’t give me that… all because I “negatively affected” your modeling career! I could NEVER call you “mom”... especially when I already have someone in my life that I CAN call that! I’m so grateful for my father and the fact that he remarried to someone who is ten times the woman you’ll ever be! I know what I am, Catarina.
I am beautiful!
I am powerful!
I am strong!
I am intelligent!
I am the best person I can possibly be!
I’m a WARRIOR!
I’m a WINNER!
I’m a CHAMPION!
I’m not that scared little girl you wanted to run into the ground! I’m a grown, confident, woman that will NEVER be anchored by negativity that emanated from you again and again and again! THAT, Catarina… is what I’VE amounted to and I used to feel so guilty for so many years feeling like I missed out on having a relationship with you! I didn’t miss out, Catarina… YOU DID!!!
YOU missed out and that is ALL… YOUR… FAULT!!!!! How can you live with yourself knowing what you missed out on? I discovered far more potential than you ever believed I ever had! You need me more than I need you and you know deep down that you missed out on me! It’s your loss! If you didn’t love me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best!
Thank you for the lunch, thank you for giving me life and thank you for providing the hardest obstacles I will ever have to overcome to be the strong person that I am today! So…
Catarina doesn’t say a word or even move a muscle as Jazmyn stands up from her seat.
Jazmyn: I’ve finally found it in my heart to forgive you for everything you put me through. Thank you for giving me that opportunity today. Happy mother’s day, Catarina.
Jazmyn begins to walk away, but Catarina has one last thing to say.
Catarina: ...I’m sorry. I… should have treated you better. I should have been there for you through good times and bad. I wish… I could go back in time and fix everything. I… I don’t deserve your forgiveness. If I was that horrible of a mother to you… how can you forgive me?
Jazmyn: Because… I know that’s what’s best for me.
Jazmyn’s eyes well up with tears of joy.
Jazmyn: I love you, Catarina… I always did!
Those tears stroll down her face, a pure indicator of how hard it was for her to say everything she’s said.
Jazmyn: It’s a shame that you never had it within your heart to love me back the same. But… I’m okay. I’ve proven to myself that I don’t need your acceptance or approval because that’s the incredible champion I have become! I wish you the best and know that I will never stop loving you in my heart because you’re my mother. We can never have a real relationship, not after what you’ve done… but you know what? I’m at peace with that. Are you?
Jazmyn takes a deep breath and walks away from her biological mother having said all that she needed to say. Still in tears, the Five Lakes Champion smiles through them, feeling incredibly strong within herself having finally confronted Catarina and being able to get through it regardless of how hard it was for her. Wiping away those tears, Jazmyn takes a deep breath and keeps on walking to continue her journey of being the champion that she always knew she could be in her heart!
Date: May 13, 2018
“Are you sure you are ready for this?”
That was the text message that Derek sent Jazmyn as she’s moments away from seeing her biological mother for the first time in about seven years. Jazmyn takes a deep breath, obviously being nervous but she closes her eyes while she nods and responds to Derek’s text message.
“Yes, I am. I know that I am confronting something I wasn’t strong enough to do… until now. But have faith in me! I know I can do this!”
Jazmyn sends the text and then takes another deep breath. Thoughts run through her mind, though she doesn’t really know whether they are good thoughts or bad thoughts. All she’s focused on is seeing her biological mother face to face and overcoming every ounce of negativity she has ever had to deal with from her. Wearing a bright, yellow, sleeveless dress that cuts off just above the knees, Jazmyn compliments her style with a light, orange overcoat and a pair of yellow, Louboutin shoes. She knows in her mind that she already looks great, regardless of whatever criticism Catarina, her biological mother, may have about her style. She walks toward an outdoor restaurant where Catarina waits. Catarina, who was busy with her phone, looks up and sees her daughter. Her eyes widen in surprise as she is taken aback by what she is looking at.
Catarina: Jazmyn?
Jazmyn stands in front of her biological mother as she stands up to greet her. Catarina extends her arms for an embrace which is surely awkward for Jazmyn, but nonetheless, the Five Lakes Champion accepts this and embraces her. They both sit down at the table, which was prepared with food in advance. Jazmyn chooses to munch on some fruit as Catarina begins to talk to her.
Catarina: It’s been so long! When was the last time we saw each other? About three years ago?
Jazmyn: It was seven.
Jazmyn maintains her composure knowing that her mother couldn’t have paid attention to such a thing.
Catarina: Right of course. The last time I saw you, you were barely starting this wrestling career of yours. And to think, I thought you were foolish to pursue such a thing.
Jazmyn: Uh huh… I remember.
Catarina: You look fantastic by the way. You would have made one hell of a fashion model if you ask me!
Jazmyn continues to focus on her food.
Jazmyn: Thanks. So, how’ve you been? How’s the modeling agency you wanted me to be part of seven years ago?
Catarina: It’s alright. We’re still afloat and we’re still doing good things. So I hear you’re this… big time star now!
Jazmyn looks at her mother and nods.
Catarina: And I hear you’re engaged and going to get married in September. I’m so happy for you. Who’s the lucky man?
Jazmyn: It’s Derek.
Catarina: Derek? Derek… who?
Jazmyn: Derek Cordova… from high school.
Catarina: Oh…
Catarina raises her eyebrows, looking a little surprised.
Catarina: Not who I would have chosen for a husband, but you do you!
Jazmyn rolls her eyes as she is already annoyed by her biological mother’s ignorance and the fact that she’s focusing on all of the bigger things in her life instead of what’s happened between them in the past. Jazmyn knows in her heart that Catarina is merely wanting to talk to her because she amounted to something when the last time they spoke face to face, she was told that she wouldn’t. There’s an awkward pause in the conversation for a few moments as they both get through their lunch before the Five Lakes Champion decides to break the ice.
Jazmyn: Catarina…
Catarina: Jazmyn, you can call me “mom” just like you’ve always done…
Jazmyn: I prefer to call you by your name, if you don’t mind Catarina.
Catarina: Alright…
Catarina looks slightly uncomfortable at the idea of Jazmyn calling her something other than “mom” or “mother”, but nevertheless, she takes a breath to compose herself and to keep up with the conversation.
Jazmyn: Do you remember the last time we saw each other? You told me, and don’t deny it because you know you said it, that I was never going to amount to anything. Remember that?
Catarina drops the spoon she was using on the table, surprised that Jazmyn would bring that up.
Jazmyn: When I was growing up, you put food on the table, you put clothes in my closet, you put a roof over my head and I appreciate you doing that for me when I was a little girl, but when it came to bonding with me and raising me, you couldn’t care less. You NEVER wanted anything to do with me because you always felt like I was in the way. You didn’t see me as your daughter, you saw me as an inconvenience that stymied your fashion modeling career. You were so happy when I left Miami for Charlotte during the summer to be with my dad and you were so miserable when I came back in the fall to go back to school. You emotionally hurt and neglected me because you never saw anything in me and I find it so interesting that now that I’ve made something of myself, you suddenly want to sit down and have lunch with me!
Catarina’s jaw drops in shock. Jazmyn is shaking on the inside, clearly dealing with nerves as this is the first time that she has ever had the courage to stand up to her mother this way.
Jazmyn: Why? Why now? Why do you suddenly want to be my mother when I’m doing great things with my life?
Catarina: Jazmyn… I… I don’t know what to say. I love you and I always have. I just had a funny way of showing it. Maybe I should have raised you differently, but I raised you the best way that I could.
Jazmyn: Leaving me with self-esteem issues for much of my life until 2016 is the best way you could raise me?
Jazmyn is now really angry at this point.
Catarina: Jazmyn… honey…
Jazmyn: Leaving me an emotional wreck for so many years and making me feel like a piece of shit is the best way you could raise me? HUH? You were NEVER THERE for me on an EMOTIONAL level! You NEVER made the effort to bond with me when I was at my worst. You chose a business meeting over my high school graduation! You skipped my college graduation entirely. You belittled me when I lost my job at the behavioral health clinic! You mocked me for wanting to be a wrestler! All you did was beat me down and abuse me, not literally… but EMOTIONALLY… that is what you did! You SCARRED ME, Catarina and now you want to just act like none of that ever happened? You want to act like our relationship was ROSES? WHAT relationship? You had ONE JOB, and that was to be my MOM and you never were aside from the basic provisions! You weren’t there when I was struggling to break into wrestling! Instead, you beat me down and told me that I would never amount to ANYTHING!
Catarina: Jazmyn… please… this isn’t what I wanted….
Jazmyn: And what DID you want? To jump on the bandwagon and superficially start over just so you can get a piece of me? Is that it? Just so I can be one of your company’s fashion models on the side?
Catarina suddenly swallows some saliva and she’s completely frozen in shock. Her empty eyes tell the story and Jazmyn just laughs as she knows that such non-verbal communication is all that she needed to know.
Jazmyn: That’s what this is about, isn’t it?
Catarina: I thought maybe we could finally form that bond…
Jazmyn: Over what? YOUR fashion modeling agency? NO! If you had a contract for me in your purse, keep it in there! If you really wanted to bond with me, you would have been there for me when I suffered my rock bottom as a result of my drug issues five years ago… but you weren’t! If you truly cared for me, you would have been there for me when I was trying to get back in the business, but you weren’t there! You weren’t there when I suffered the most heartbreaking night of my career two years ago in GCW when my first ever world championship reign came to an end. You weren’t there when I suffered a cardiac arrest and DIED for three minutes before Derek revived me, saved my life and took care of me at the hospital! And when my life and career turned around for the better after that, you had no involvement in it at all! You had so many opportunities to be there for me and YOU WEREN’T THERE! And now… NOW… you want to “bond” with me… but it’s a superficial cover for the TRUTH and the TRUTH is… you only want to “bond” with me to make money off of me!
PERIOD!
I DESERVE better!
I DESERVED to have the woman that gave birth to me be a MOM instead of someone that emotionally ran me into the fucking ground again and again and again!
Jazmyn begins to shake with anger as she continues to let out EVERYTHING that she has ever wanted to tell Catarina, who at this point, is just stone cold frozen in shock, more or less trapped in a catatonic state.
Jazmyn: But you couldn’t give me that… all because I “negatively affected” your modeling career! I could NEVER call you “mom”... especially when I already have someone in my life that I CAN call that! I’m so grateful for my father and the fact that he remarried to someone who is ten times the woman you’ll ever be! I know what I am, Catarina.
I am beautiful!
I am powerful!
I am strong!
I am intelligent!
I am the best person I can possibly be!
I’m a WARRIOR!
I’m a WINNER!
I’m a CHAMPION!
I’m not that scared little girl you wanted to run into the ground! I’m a grown, confident, woman that will NEVER be anchored by negativity that emanated from you again and again and again! THAT, Catarina… is what I’VE amounted to and I used to feel so guilty for so many years feeling like I missed out on having a relationship with you! I didn’t miss out, Catarina… YOU DID!!!
YOU missed out and that is ALL… YOUR… FAULT!!!!! How can you live with yourself knowing what you missed out on? I discovered far more potential than you ever believed I ever had! You need me more than I need you and you know deep down that you missed out on me! It’s your loss! If you didn’t love me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best!
Thank you for the lunch, thank you for giving me life and thank you for providing the hardest obstacles I will ever have to overcome to be the strong person that I am today! So…
Catarina doesn’t say a word or even move a muscle as Jazmyn stands up from her seat.
Jazmyn: I’ve finally found it in my heart to forgive you for everything you put me through. Thank you for giving me that opportunity today. Happy mother’s day, Catarina.
Jazmyn begins to walk away, but Catarina has one last thing to say.
Catarina: ...I’m sorry. I… should have treated you better. I should have been there for you through good times and bad. I wish… I could go back in time and fix everything. I… I don’t deserve your forgiveness. If I was that horrible of a mother to you… how can you forgive me?
Jazmyn: Because… I know that’s what’s best for me.
Jazmyn’s eyes well up with tears of joy.
Jazmyn: I love you, Catarina… I always did!
Those tears stroll down her face, a pure indicator of how hard it was for her to say everything she’s said.
Jazmyn: It’s a shame that you never had it within your heart to love me back the same. But… I’m okay. I’ve proven to myself that I don’t need your acceptance or approval because that’s the incredible champion I have become! I wish you the best and know that I will never stop loving you in my heart because you’re my mother. We can never have a real relationship, not after what you’ve done… but you know what? I’m at peace with that. Are you?
Jazmyn takes a deep breath and walks away from her biological mother having said all that she needed to say. Still in tears, the Five Lakes Champion smiles through them, feeling incredibly strong within herself having finally confronted Catarina and being able to get through it regardless of how hard it was for her. Wiping away those tears, Jazmyn takes a deep breath and keeps on walking to continue her journey of being the champion that she always knew she could be in her heart!
