Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on May 6, 2018 21:26:31 GMT -5
RONNIE NORTH
The Evil Beekeeper Plan
The Evil Beekeeper Plan
“I mean we’ve tagged once? Twice since our return?” Ronnie asks, leaning against the wall and noisily chewing on a piece of gum as he poses in the mirror as Josh is bench-pressing probably more weight than someone his size should be.
‘Believe me. I’ve noticed. I’ve been pretty not happy about it.” Josh says, straining under the weight as he lifts it once more.
“Just thrown into random singles matches we lose because we’re not given any particular reason to care because we’ve been vocal about the point that we want to be tagging.” Ronnie says, not noticing his best friend now struggling underneath the bar.
“Ronnie…Ronnie I need…” Josh says.
“I know. We need to make one hell of a showing before our shot at the tag titles. We can’t go out there and half-ass it. We need to show that we can function together or apart equally.” Ronnie says as he flexes in the mirror in his Def Leppard t-shirt and Zubaz. Josh’s legs start flailing.
“Ronnie….I can’t….feel…” Josh says.
“You can’t really feel the burn? No problem buddy. Let’s get some more weight on that bar. Oh. Oh, you uh…you’re dying aren’t you?” Ronnie says, finally looking at his best friend. He helps him get the weight off of his chest and rack it. Josh pulls in deep breathes that soften the purple color that had begun to overtake his face.
“Sorry little buddy.” Ronnie says.
“It’s...it’s fine. So what is your strategy against this uh…” Josh says as he grabs his water and stands on wobbly legs.
“Vee Toland? I think that's her name. Iunno. Go out there and be rad and hope it just kinda works out?” Ronnie says with a shrug.
“That isn’t really in line with all the stuff you said earlier about us not half-assing this and getting some momentum going into our tag title match.” Josh says, seeming to have regained his composure after his near-death experience.
“You already said ‘no’ to the idea with the bees.” Ronnie says.
“We aren’t talking about this again. You bring this up every few weeks and you know I’m not on board.” Josh says, frustrated.
“Just hear me out.
“No.”
“Before the match I stash a beekeeper outfit under the ring along with several boxes full of active hives. Partway through the match I get changed into the beekeeper outfit and release all of the bees. I just have to convince the ref I had nothing to do with the bees.” Ronnie says.
“Aside from every other reason that plan is the most insane thing I have ever heard of…Part of your plan involves you wearing a beekeeper outfit. I’m pretty sure the ref will know you had something to do with it.” Josh says, unimpressed with his plan.
“Yes BUT you can’t really tell it’s me under the outfit. For all the ref knows, my opponent will be being pinned by a mysterious beekeeper. Of course maybe then I’ll have to start living a double life on the roster. Having to switch back and forth between my life as carefree wrestling dickslinger Ronnie North and an evil vengeful wrestling apiarist. Gosh, the costume changes alone would be rough. How do you deal with it?” Ronnie asks.
“Deal with what?” Josh asks.
“The whole secret identity thing. Isn’t that part of your whole superhero deal?” Ronnie asks.
“Ronnie… I’ve never had a secret identity and for like the past 8 months I’ve been wrestling under my real name with ‘The Jew Blazer’ as a nickname. I’m literally on camera out of costume RIGHT NOW.” Josh says, rubbing his temples.
“Huh, weird. Yeah, I don’t watch this show. I just assumed they like blurred you out in these videos. Maybe altered your voice. Like on COPS.” Ronnie says, he turns to the camera and gives a little wave, having apparently just realized they were there.
“No bees.” Josh says sternly.
“Aw, man….Bees aren’t THAT big a deal! I mean, you’re facing off against some dude who might set you on fire.” Ronnie says, folding his arms.
“I think he was just speaking metaphorically.” Josh says.
“What was the metaphor?” Ronnie asks.
“Uh…I think the fire was metaphorical?”
There is a long pause.
“I’ll have someone at ringside with a Fire extinguisher.” Josh says.
“Yeah, but I can’t really afford to buy Epi-Pens for the whole audience. This Bee idea is terrible. Why do you keep trying to talk me into it?” Ronnie asks, shaking his head at the silly hare-brained schemes of his pal Josh Goldstein.
“You’re right…I don’t know what came over me…” Josh says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes.
“It’s okay pal.” Ronnie says.
“So what do you know about your opponent.” Josh asks.
“Close to nothing. I know you sent me footage to study but I’ve been distracted. If you know what I mean.” Ronnie says, wiggling his eyebrows.
“I know exactly what you mean Ronnie and there is absolutely no need to elaborate.” Josh says, trying to shut it down early.
“Yeah but like….I mean I kinda want to elaborate? Mya and I…”
“FOCUS.” Josh says exasperatedly.
“Right. My opponent… She’s...Pale. That’s gotta be something. Maybe if I paid off the lighting guy and got him to crank up the lights really high I can cause her to combust?” Ronnie says, rubbing his chin.
“I’m almost certain that’s not how that works and even if it was I think we should settle on an agreement of some sorts that no one at this show will end up on fire or attacked by bees. It feels bad that rules like this need to be put in place but I mean, here we are.” Josh says with a sigh.
“I don’t think bees like fire.” Ronnie says.
“How is that at all relevant to what we’re doing here?” Josh asks.
“Because like…” Ronnie says, but the silence hangs heavy in the air for a very long time. He puts his hands on his hips when he can’t come up with anything.
And then the promo just ends.