Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on May 5, 2018 21:57:47 GMT -5
JOHNNY MAVERICK
Tin Crown and Shitty Pants
Tin Crown and Shitty Pants
A red balloon.
A pointy metal pin.
POP!
“Amazing the kind of impact one prick can have, isn’t it? Though I will admit this is one exceptionally big prick.” Johnny says, looking at the pin, then down at his groin…at the NGW Heavyweight Championship, get your mind out of the gutter. Johnny looks a little pale and has bags under his eyes but seems otherwise fine.
“One prick that everyone was so convinced wouldn’t amount to much and now? It’s gotten so big that some people are afraid of it.” Johnny says.
“I’m noooooooot. I’ve had time to adjust.” A sing-songy female voice with a British accent says offscreen.
“Danni I’m…I’m kinda doing a thing here.” Johnny says. She leaves with a little giggle and a slightly flustered Johnny clears his throat and turns to look back at the camera.
“Look…I could sit here and spout obtuse penis metaphors all day. Believe me, I could. That is a threat. We could be here for at LEAST a week if I so willed it. In fact, LOCK THE DOORS!” Johnny says. There is a pause. The cameraman is not buying his bluff.
“Right. Anyway, Matt Shields. Now I know that I could spend the entirety of this promo holding up the NGW Title with a smile on my face and nothing would piss Matt off more but I actually do have some shit to say.” Johnny says, taking off the belt and slinging it over his shoulder.
“I don’t hate you, Matt. I don’t really hate anybody. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a productive or useful emotion. I don’t benefit from carrying hatred into battle with me. How could I hate you, really? You’ve never really done anything to me. I mean sure, in general you walk around backstage like a vile disgrace of a human being, throttling women for no reason and offering flimsy justification for being a garbage human but for all of this venom you level at me with your words? You never seem to come looking for me. That’s odd. I’m not hard to find. There’s a dressing room with my name on it and everything. If you’ve ever wanted to say a single word of any of your issues with me to my face then you’ve had your chance. I mean, I know I’m not a 120 pound woman with no in-ring experience but uh… oh wait that’s the REASON you don’t do it, isn’t it?” Johnny says, raising an eyebrow.
“Because for as much as you seem to talk about me? You haven’t shown me shit. You told me on twitter that I need to watch my mouth when I speak about you. Why would I ever need to do that? I’m not afraid of everyone who thinks I suck and has at some point pleasured themselves to a back issue of Fangoria which coincidentally is the entry requirements for ‘The Matt and Martin Secret Backstage Bonding Club’. If you ever find a room in the back with a big poster of Elvira and an exceptionally sticky floor… Yeah you found their clubhouse. DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. Just back away slowly and realize that no amount of Salt Baths can wash away the shame.” Johnny says, miming trying to scrub away the dirty feeling.
But seriously, Matt. What have you done that is supposed to scare me? Time after time the Destroyers threatened to hurt me, maim me, ‘destroy’ me and on and on and on and every single time? I stood up and walked away. On the other side of that spectrum, I backed up everything I said I was going to do to the Destroyers in return. As soon as I was given a fair shake at Kayla without the Destroyers interfering or her trying to run off? I won and won the World Title. I got put across from Jack Tillman who with an attitude adjustment? Will be the future of this company and a serious contender for this World Title. I went at him on his own terms without him even asking me to and I knocked his ass out. When it came time for Underdog Johnny Maverick to step in the ring with Matthew Shields? Matt. Tapped. OUT. Now Matt was quick to tell us all that he lost because the referee was biased and it’s all a conspiracy and….well then I have an important question for Matt. Why do you think this is gonna be any different? I mean, you’re already making excuses for your upcoming loss on twitter so how about you cut out the middleman, put your money where your mouth is, and you just fuck off outta this company? I’ll tell you EXACTLY why you don’t so that. It’s because you don’t believe for a second that that’s the truth. The moment I realized I was being treated unfairly by Devlin Scott I walked into his office and said ‘Hey fuckface. We’re fighting.’ And so it came to pass and what do you know? Shit changed. You’re content to spew self-aggrandizing nonsense and not do anything to make a change because you are aware of the actual problem. It’s you. You just can’t admit that so you have to try and spin it.” Johnny says, making a spinning motion with his hands.
“You have been given chance after chance after chance to prove me and everyone else wrong about you and every single time you are given one you shit your pants and blame everyone around you for putting shit in your pants. That is the legacy of Matt Shields. The King of The Heavyweights with his tin crown and shitty pants.” Johnny says while shaking his head.
“So go ahead and put on a stupid fucking clown mask and hold a balloon and be every bit the gimmick you keep telling Martin Karloff he is. Tell me ‘We all float down here’ and watch as I laugh right in your masked face. You can go ahead and float all you want, Matty. I’ll be too busy soaring to care.” Johnny says, another red balloon passes by and Johnny pops it with his pin, the camera cutting out as soon as the pop is heard.