Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Apr 28, 2018 23:17:23 GMT -5
RONNIE NORTH
Voice-To-Text
Voice-To-Text
“I mean, she’s already seen it at this point so it seems a little redundant to open with that but….I mean I don’t have any other openers!” Ronnie says as his neighbor and best friend Joshua helps him unpack some of the stuff that got packed way when he lost his memory.
“You know…most people don’t open conversations with people with pictures of their genitals. Just saying. I feel like we’ve had this talk before and if not we probably should’ve had it a lot sooner.” Josh says. He’s wearing medical gloves as he handles Ronnie’s things.
“Are the gloves really necessary?” Ronnie asks.
“I couldn’t find a full hazmat suit.” Josh responds as he sets a box down on a counter.
“Maybe if I photograph it from a creative angle?” Ronnie asks.
“Ronnie. If you like this girl just say ‘Hi, we met at the wedding…’” Josh says.
“Oh we did more than meet.” Ronnie says.
“Yes I know tha-“
“I had sex with her.” Ronnie interrupts. Josh pauses in case Ronnie has more to say.
“I know tha-“ Josh finally tries to say.
“With my peni-“
“JUST SAY HI AND ASK HER OUT!” Josh says, gesturing so wildly his glove tears. In a panic he tears off both gloves, applies some hand sanitizer, and puts on a new pair in a flash.
“What? Are you crazy? That’s not how this works.” Ronnie says. He starts to consider the creative ways he could style his pubic hair.
“Dude, all you have to do is be yourself. She seems to like YOU not just whatever you did in bed with her.” Josh says.
“Oh most of it wasn’t in bed.” Ronnie says.
“I am trying to help you here. I could just leave.” Josh says, folding his arms then yelping when he realizes he’s touched his bare forearms with the gloves. He begins to coat his arms in sanitizer.
“You’re right. Sorry, man. What do I do though?” Ronnie asks.
“Just ask her out to dinner or something, man. I promise you it is not nearly as hard as you’re making it out to be.” Josh says, going at his skin with a small scrub brush now before sealing the brush in a plastic bag and throwing it in the trash.
“Okay, hang on. Let me just get my bearings…..okay I think I can do this. I’ll just do it without thinking and it’ll be fine right? ” Ronnie says. He takes out his phone.
“I mean…you wanna think a little.” Josh says as Ronnie sends a tweet without really even looking at the screen. He sends it and realizes what he has done. Josh takes out his phone and looks.
“’You want dinner me?’ All caps.” Josh says.
“Oh. Oh no. This is bad isn’t it?” Ronnie says, starting to panic. He presses the button on his screen that looked like a little microphone.
“Delete that! Siri, how do you delete things?” Ronnie says and presses the send button which he assumes sends it to Siri. Josh is still looking at his phone.
“You hit voice-to-text and just posted what you said as a tweet.” Josh says.
“SON OF A BITCH.” Ronnie says.
“There’s another. It even capitalized it for you. Can voice to text tell if you’re shouting or did you accidentally double tap the shift button?” Josh asks.
“This is all your fault! I shoulda just sent her a picture of my wing-wong!” Ronnie says.
“She said yes to dinner.” Josh says.
“Wait, what?” Ronnie says, yanking his phone back to his face so fast and hard he ends up smacking himself in the face with it and falling backward into a pile of his dirty clothes. He curses slightly as he stands to his feet.
“Yeah man. She said she’s up for dinner. Go get her, champ.” Josh says before being pulled into Ronnie’s embrace and hugged tight just as he climbed out of a pile of his dirty clothes.
“I love you, you beautiful skinny Unicorn.” Ronnie says before kissing him on the cheek.
“You uh….I’ll leave the camera here so you can do your actual promo….I’m gonna take a run through the local car wash.” Josh says.
“Have fun, buddy!” Ronnie says as Josh leaves and Ronnie sends a tweet back. He tosses his phone on the bed and looks up at the camera.
“Avery Miles! How’s it going pal! You were right about me. I definitely have goals outside of promoting my adult material even though….you know. Everyone please go support my work so we can keep the lights on, we’re coming off a bit of a hiatus because of Marty messing up my mind-meats and I need to pay people. I do my best to offer my workers a competitive wage so uh….Editor guy? Make sure the website runs along the bottom of the screen as a crawl for the rest of the promo.” Ronnie says and sure enough at the bottom of the screen the web address for Ronnie’s website goes along the screen.
“I had a title shot that I couldn’t adequately compete in because my brain was all effed up and junk but now I’m ready to show the world what a Ronnie at full capacity can do on his own! You’re a good man, Avery but it is in my best interest to make sure that this match goes like most of my films do… with the other person on their back and me on top… in this case for a 3 count but in the case of my films? For considerably longer. The Prince of Pleasure is coming to DC, everybody and by the time you all get an eyeful? They’ll have to make the Washington Monument bigger because it’ll look inadequate next to what I’m packing.” Ronnie says, he walks off-camera.
“I...I was talking about my penis. It’s really big. Did you not get that? It’s unmanageably huge. It’s starting to be a problem.” Ronnie says, poking his head back into frame before pulling away and the letting the scene fade out.