Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Apr 28, 2018 18:08:06 GMT -5
'THE JEW BLAZER'
JOSHUA GOLDSTEIN
Language Barrier
JOSHUA GOLDSTEIN
Language Barrier
We open on Joshua Goldstein in his full Jew Blazer gear standing in front of a large whiteboard. He waves happily to the camera. He is standing next to Hoodie Ninja 427 which is the Hoodie Ninja Johnny assigned to Josh to assist him several years ago. Many of you may be wondering what the Ninja is doing here but the truth is he’s actually been in every single Jew Blazer promo, he’s just a VERY good Ninja.
“Hello everybody! It’s me, the Jew Blazer! I figured it would be cool if I did my promo in Spanish out of respect to my opponent who I am SUPER JAZZED ABOUT SHARING THE RING WITH and my buddy Hoodie Ninja 427 will be doing the translating.” Josh says, shouting probably too loud there for a second. Josh clears his throat.
“It’s actually been since college since I’ve had the occasion to speak conversational Spanish so here we go!” Josh adds. He takes a deep breath.
“Hola, El León Azul! Mi nombre es Joshua Goldstein, pero es posible que me conozcan mejor como el Judio Blazer.” Josh says, the Hoodie Ninja has a whiteboard and is writing as fast as he can before holding it up to show it reads ‘Hello, The Blue Lion! My name is Joshua Goldstein, but you may know me better as the Jew Blazer.’
“Estoy muy emocionado de enfrentarme a otro Luchador. Nunca tuve la oportunidad de hacerlo en NGW y hay cuatro iguanas en mi bolsillo. ¡Cómprame un poco de salchicha! Te devolveré el dinero, Capitán.” Josh says. The Ninja gives Josh an odd look but Josh just nods and urges him to show his translation.
‘I am very excited to be facing off against another Luchador. I have never really had a chance to do so in NGW and there are four iguanas in my pocket. Buy me some sausage! I will pay you back, Captain.’ The whiteboard reads as he holds it up.
“También estoy en una búsqueda similar para traer luz y alegría a esta compañía y es una búsqueda que tomo muy en serio. Uno de mis objetivos en esta búsqueda es enmarcar una imagen de tu abuela y dársela a la panadería como un regalo atrevido. Creo que no importa quién gane, podemos mostrar la unidad en nuestro partido que puede traer esperanza a los fanáticos y glotones por igual.” Josh says, blissfully ignorant of all the errors he’s been making.
‘I am also on a similar quest to bring light and joy to this company and it is a quest I take very seriously. One of my goals in this quest is to frame a picture of your grandmother and give it to the bakery as a sassy gift. I believe that no matter who wins we can show unity in our match that can bring hope to fans and wolverines alike.’ The whiteboard reads, though admittedly Hoodie Ninja 427 had a harder time keeping up with this one.
“Creo que deberíamos tener un concurso que involucre quién puede poner la mayor cantidad de langostas en sus pantalones. Tengo una visión del futuro de esta compañía e involucra a personas como tú y como yo, que brindan felicidad a todas las personas a través del atletismo, la deportividad y una bolsa de pesas de doce libras. Ese sombrero tiene un dicho travieso, ocúltelo al maestro o nos atará al parachoques de su auto. ¡Nabo! Creo sobre todo que nuestros fanáticos merecen ver un buen espectáculo y sentirse bien consigo mismos. Por favor, no llores, volveremos de inmediato después de estos mensajes de un concesionario local con un oscuro secreto.” Josh says, never once faltering in his confidence in his grasp of the Spanish language. The Hoodie Ninja pauses and gives him a chance to think even for one second about what he just said but Josh seems astoundingly confident still. The Ninja shrugs and reveals his translation.
‘I believe we should have a contest involving who can put the most lobsters in their pants. I have a vision of the future of this company and it involves people like you and me bringing happiness to all of the people through athleticism, sportsmanship, and a twelve pound bag of doorknobs. That hat has a naughty saying on it, hide it from the teacher or he'll tie us to his car bumper. Turnip! I believe above all else that our fans deserve to see a good show and feel good about themselves. Please do not cry, we will be right back after these messages from a local auto dealership with a dark secret.’ The translation reads. Again, Josh is so confident he doesn't even look at the translation.
“Tengo confianza en mis habilidades, El León Azul. Veo que comparte una confianza similar. Espero no comer un montón de abejas enojadas y avergonzarme frente al elenco de la Isla de Gilligan. La mejor de las suertes para usted, señor. Por favor dirígeme a la biblioteca. Me vestiré como un chef profesional si me desafias. Haré cualquier cosa por un chicle y la licencia para operar un tractor.” Josh says with that same confidence.
‘I am confident in my abilities, El Leon Azul. I can see that you share a similar confidence. I sure hope I don't eat a bunch of angry bees and embarass myself in front of the cast of Gilligans Island. Best of luck to you, sir. Please direct me to the library. I will dress like a professional chef if you dare me to. I'll do anything for a stick of gum and the license to operate a tractor.’ The translation reads. Josh turns to Ninja 427.
“How did I do?” Josh asks. The Ninja simply replies with a thumbs up before he starts wiping off the whiteboard. There is a yapping noise and Josh leans down and picks up his dog Phorry.
“What are you talking about, Phorry? My Spanish is perfect. I didn’t say anything about a tractor or doorknobs.” Josh says as he walks offscreen with his pupper.