'The Jew Blazer' Josh Goldstein- ...and a bag of chips

“What’s up, everybody! It’s your boy Josh G and when I’m not downing Capri Suns, Dunkaroos, or playing Ocarina of Time which is BY FAR the best Zelda game I am wrestling up a storm in NGW! Most of you know me as a huge fan of the 1980’s but everyone knows the 80’s are TOTALLY played out now! I mean, neglect that Stranger Things is immensely popular and all that and boom! No one cares about the 80’s. So I’ve decided I need to get with the times and move on to a decade no one is really talking about, the 90’s! As I sit here in my hotel in the country that gave us The Spice Girls and Oasis I can’t help but feel as if a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like all that as well as a bag of chips! Especially ever since adopting this 90’s superhero attire.” Josh says. The Camera zooms out to show that Josh is wearing a new Jew Blazer Costume with no cape that has an excessive amount of pouches and Josh seems to have a large fake firearm slung across his back.

“Now this morning as I woke up next to my wife under a big pile of Beanie Babies and right after I had my morning bowl of Oreo O’s as I counted all of my Pog’s, I wondered the question we all wonder….no not ‘What’s in a Wonder Ball’? but where am I going from here? Obviously on the other side of things, The Radicalliance are facing off with my fellow Guardians in an effort to move on to face off for the tag team titles and I wish both teams the best of luck but that doesn’t mean I can’t also work on me! I can be a member of a team and do solo stuff as well, just like Justin Timberlake who NEVER EVER made everything about him and gave equal attention to the rest of N’Sync!” Josh says enthusiastically.

“Bop It is a fun and challenging game! Dan Schneider is innocent of all the terrible stuff he’s been accused of? Could a pervert have given us ‘All That’ and ‘Kenan and Kel’? No way! STREET SHARKS IS WAY BETTER THAN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES and BEAST WARS WAS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL TRANSFORMERS!” Josh says, his eye twitching. He strains to lift his arm up and give a thumbs up as his new Superhero costume was much heavier than the spandex he was used to.

“I’m ready to have some fun out there RC, but keep in mind that in NGW beating me is about as difficult as putting together the Shrine of the Silver Monkey in Legends of the Hidden Temple. JOLT COLA! POWER RANGERS!” Josh says manically. His breathing is getting heavy. Finally he starts tearing off his costume.

“ARGH I CAN NOT KEEP THIS UP! IT’S KILLING ME! SOMEONE PLEASE TURN ON THE GOONIES AND BRING ME MY STACK OF BACK ISSUES OF MUPPET MAGAZINE! CRANK UP THE VAN HALEN! APRIL FOOLS IS THE WORST!” Josh says. Kaylee emerges from a side room and wraps him in his A-Team bedsheets she had ready in case of an emergency and hugs her husband tight and he leans on her shoulder and releases big ugly sobs.

“I DON’T WANNA LISTEN TO LIMP BIZKIT AND THE BACKSTREET BOYS ANYMORE!” Josh says between violent sobs as Kaylee strokes his hair and shushes him comfortingly. She motions to the camera to ‘cut’ and the promo ends.