Ronnie North- Fred Flintstoning

“You ready to film your promo?” Josh asks his best friend currently afflicted with memory loss. Ronnie lifts up his sunglasses and examines his surroundings.

“Why do I have to stand on the ‘X’?” Ronnie asks, looking at the X that was taped on the floor of Josh’s apartment.

“Because I went ahead and framed the shot for you already. The lighting is perfect.” Josh says. Ronnie shrugs and stands on the ‘X’.

“I mean… yeah I guess I see what you’re saying. The lighting is pretty alright. I look good?” Ronnie asks.

“You look GREAT buddy, just shift a little to the right?” Josh says, holding a string that was connected to a bookshelf right above Ronnie.

“Hey Josh?” Ronnie asks.

“Hm? What’s up man?” Josh asks.

“What is the string for?” Ronnie asks.

“Oh that’s a uh…uhm…” Josh says, but before he can come up with an excuse he yanks on the string and a large book falls and bonks Ronnie on the head.

“Ow! What the-“ Ronnie says as he rubs his head.

“Sorry I was just uh… adjusting my bookshelf with a string like normal people do.” Josh says. Ronnie shrugs, seemingly agreeing that that was a thing that normal people did and NOT a contrived excuse to bonk him on the head to see if it brings back his memories.

“Did you just install these shelves?” Ronnie asks.

“Yes.” Josh answers.

“They’re really high up.” Ronnie says.

“I like them that way.” Josh says with an ‘innocent’ shrug.

“They don’t look very stable.” Ronnie says.

“All the more reason to adjust them with these strings that are attached to them.” Josh says, yanking another string, causing a dictionary to come falling down onto the skull of his best friend.

“SON OF A-“ Ronnie says.

“You’re right, they are not as stable as I’d like them to be.” Josh says.

“Can we move this into the kitchen maybe?” Ronnie asks, a little dizzy from that last blow to the head. He looks up at the shelves and squints.

“Is that a bowling ball?” Ronnie asks, starting to get suspicious.

“Maybe.” Josh says, playing his cards close to the vest on this one.

“I’m pretty sure that’s a bowling ball.” Ronnie says.

“Oh that? Yeah that’s definitely a bowling ball.” Josh admits.

“Why is there a bowling ball, Josh?” Ronnie asks.

“I mean, where do you keep YOUR bowling ball? It’s not like there’s some universal space where everyone keeps their bowling ball. Last I checked it was a free country and a man could keep his bowling ball anywhere he darn well pleases.” Josh says, hoping that getting a little patriotic, Ronnie puts his hands on his hips and steps forward out of range of the X.

“Josh, be honest with me. Are you trying to Fred Flintstone me right now?” Ronnie asks.

“What? I don’t even know what that means.” Josh says, realizing he’s been caught but trying to play it cool. Phorry yaps.

“Phorry is lying.” Josh adds.

“HOW DOES EVERYONE UNDERSTAND THE DOG?!? Why does everyone here think everything operates on Hanna-Barbera Logic! ” Ronnie says. It had been bugging him for some time.

“Hey guys, how’s it going? We still Fred Flintstoning Ronnie” Johnny Maverick asks as he enters with a comically oversized mallet that couldn’t possibly serve any purpose outside of a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

“I knew it!” Ronnie says. Josh sighs and climbs up the stepladder and takes down the bowling ball.

“Look… I’m sorry. We were just trying to restore your memory and this is all we could come up with because we aren’t medical professionals. We’re just two dudes who happen to watch a lot of cartoons.” Josh says apologetically as he sets the bowling ball down on the ground.

“It’s….it’s okay you guys. I understand but I’m doing my best to try and be the Ronnie you guys seem to miss so much even though from everything you all have said he seems kind of like a terrible person but… maybe it’s time you guys accept that I’ll never really get that memory back and learn to embrace the new Ronnie. It would be nice to be accepted for who I am even if I’m not a…womanizing adult film star who repulses every woman on the roster.” Ronnie says in a rare genuine heartfelt moment.

“Ronnie…buddy. You’re always gonna be my best friend no matter what. We’re in this together til the end. New Ronnie…Old Ronnie….no matter what happens I’ll be there for you. No more pressure or Fred Flintstoning. I promise.” Josh says. The two share a big hug. Phorry yaps.

“It really is heartwarming.” Johnny says, agreeing with Phorry.

“So we’re filming. I guess we should jump into this promo.” Josh says.

“Right, who am I facing again? I know you gave me some stuff to research but then I started watching MacGyver and forgot to look at any of the research.” Ronnie says.

“You’re facing off against two of my fellow Guardians, Adrien Cochrane and Jessica Sears. Hang on, I’ll show you pictures of them.” Josh says taking out his phone. He shows Josh a few pictures of Adrien and Ronnie nods but then he switches to a few pictures from Jessica’s twitter and… Ronnie reaches out slowly and takes the phone from Josh. Synapses began to fire. Systems began to reboot. Puzzle pieces began to fall into place.

“Dat...Ass…” Ronnie says as he is overcome with something he couldn’t describe.

“Ronnie? Are you okay buddy?” Josh asks.

“Josh. Josh. I…” Ronnie says, unable to look up from the phone.

“What is it, Ronnie?” Josh says, starting to get concerned.

“I…I remember. I remember everything!” Ronnie says. Johnny facepalms.

“Of course he does. Well that’s a relief. Thinking about it, it was very likely all that bowling ball was going to do was give him a concussion.” Johnny says. Phorry yaps.

“Yes, I remember you, Phorry.” Ronnie says. Phorry smiles and wags her tail. Ronnie finally unglues his eyes from the phone and turns to the camera.

“The Radicalliance and The Guardians may share a common thread in The Jew Blazer but now that the time has come for us to reclaim tag team supremacy? There is nothing that can stand in our way. The Radicalliance has made it our commitment since day one in IPW not to be just okay, not to get ourselves noticed to split up for a singles run… Josh and I are brothers and our goal was to be the best Tag Team in the World from jump street. Our numbers have grown by one and we added a sister… a sister that one of us is married to. Yeah no I didn’t think this metaphor through ahead of time… I just got my brain back shut up. The fact remains that we are still dedicated to that goal. Yeah, some of us do singles stuff on occasion but the Unit remains strong. And believe me, I know a thing or two about strong units, A-plus dick joke!” Ronnie says, raising his hand up for a high five and Johnny obliges him.

“The Guardians were created to end The Destroyers and that is an admirable goal, but when it comes to holding down the tag division? You are stepping into the domain of the Raddest Team on the Planet! And when it comes time to face The Destroyers? Oh you KNOW Ronnie North is ready to tangle. We beat them once, we can do it again with just two of us. It’s time for a change! The NGW crowds will transform into a sea of Zubaz, mullets, and brightly colored sunglasses and the world will rejoice! The Radicalliance will save wrestling forever from the boring status quo of whoever is NGW Champion right now.” Ronnie says. Johnny clears his throat.

“You have a cold or something?” Ronnie asks.

“Dude, Johnny IS the current NGW Champion.” Josh says.

“Oh….yeah, I don’t watch this show.” Ronnie says.

“Yeah, that’s definitely really him.” Johnny says.

“That’s cool though! So you beat the uh…was it the Japanese guy?” Ronnie asks. Johnny shakes his head and walks away, knowing that his memory WAS back he just had no clue who the NGW Champion was before him.

“Welcome back, Ronnie.” Josh says. Phorry yaps.