Post by Jazmyn Rain on Mar 18, 2018 17:27:30 GMT -5
“Chapter Five”
Excerpt from Jazmyn Rain’s currently unnamed and unpublished autobiography…
“Myra Lynwood didn’t go easy on me after she took me under her wing. She was quite harsh at times. She hardly gave me a break and she told me exactly what was on her mind and I had my moments where I doubted myself and whether I could truly make it in professional wrestling. The one thing that I could hang my hat on was the absolute fact that Myra was an upgrade light-years better than Mason Randall and nothing that Myra could ever do to me would ever come close to matching the humiliation, the hazing and the abuse that I would take on a monthly basis from him. Within two weeks of Myra taking me under her wing, I realized that not only my trainer had changed, but my lifestyle as well. My training hours were longer and Myra only ramped up the intensity the more I came along. But toward the end of 2010 and going into 2011, I finally commenced wrestling in front of a live audience. Albeit, they were audiences of less than a hundred in a high school gymnasium in small towns largely concentrated in the south… and my “Southern belle” character was still a thing, but I couldn’t complain when I was being trained by one of the best wrestlers in the world man or woman and I was finally wrestling on a more regular basis.”
“However, it took a toll on me. Bless my father for keeping me away from the painkillers! He was willing to help me financially by having me go to a spa or to a rehabilitation clinic to heal from injuries. Those two practices, I wholeheartedly endorse far more than painkillers. Injuries were one thing, harsh reality was another. Myra never sugar coated anything for me and her micromanaging caused my confidence to waver and my emotions to break down. Still, she managed to secure me an interview with Pure Revolutionary Wrestling. Yet, I still had ways to go. Before I went to that interview, Myra made it blatantly clear that I HAD to work on my self-esteem: the one thing in my life that was an Achilles heel for an endless string of years during my teenage and adult lives…”
Date: February 24, 2011 (FLASHBACK)
The 26-year-old Jazmyn Rain is in her bedroom located within her father’s Charlotte, North Carolina home and on this night, she seems a bit conflicted as she walks out of the closet sporting a plain white, t-shirt, a basic pair of jeans and sneakers to match the shirt. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail while she sports a white visor on her head. She walks toward the mirror to look at herself and she lets out a sigh as if she’s not exactly satisfied with the way she looks.
Jazmyn: Myra’s not going to like this outfit. There’s no way this would pass an interview.
Jazmyn sighs some more as she removes her visor and tosses it to the side and pulls the hair tie out of her ponytail, undoing it and letting her light brown hair of the time fall on her shoulders. She lets out a frown as an indication that she doesn’t like what she sees in the mirror and she walks back inside the closet that she came out of. A few minutes later, she comes back out wearing a black, pinstripe pencil skirt with a sleeveless black top. Carrying a light, black-colored overcoat over her shoulders and wearing a matching pair of heels, Jazmyn looks in the mirror again. She smiles slightly, but she still doesn’t look comfortable. Her hair is still down and accompanied by a pink headband just to add some color, but she’s still unsure of herself.
Jazmyn: I’m not used to this… *sighs*
Jazmyn puts on the overcoat and buttons it up, which draws a bigger smile out of her.
Jazmyn: This will do.
Jazmyn straightens her headband and walks out of the room. Walking down the hallway, she’s still feeling a little strange considering she’s not used to dressing so professionally for a night out. Taking a right turn into the living room, a familiar presence stops her in her tracks.
Jazmyn’s dad: Jazmyn?
Jazmyn turns around and looks at him with uncertainty in her eyes. Tammy, her stepmother, comes into view standing behind her father.
Jazmyn: Y...yeah?
Tammy: You look wonderful tonight! Going out?
Jazmyn: Yeah… Myra is picking me up at 7.
Jazmyn’s dad: Myra again? Well, she is helping you along but before you go meet her, we need to talk. Take a seat, if you don’t mind.
Jazmyn grows confused as she walks to a chair in the living room and sits on it. Her father and stepmother join her in the living room as they sit on the couch.
Jazmyn’s dad: How happy are you with this… wrestling career of yours?
Jazmyn: It’s… fine. I’ve made a lot of progress and everything.
Jazmyn’s dad: Are you sure you’re happy? Because Tammy and I have noticed that whenever you come home, you seem tired and or miserable.
Jazmyn: Dad, seriously. It’s fine. Sometimes I’m in so much pain from wrestling a match, you know that. Sometimes I need a break. It happens. Why the cause for concern?
Tammy: Jazmyn… you’re not aware of this… well, not until now, but we stopped by for a visit while you were training with Myra.
Jazmyn raises her eyebrows.
Jazmyn: And… I didn’t know about this?
Jazmyn’s dad: That was part of the plan. We wanted to get a look at how she treats you, especially after what you had to deal with at VCWA. And… well…
Tammy: We’re concerned…
Jazmyn: Concerned? About what? Myra treats me fine, much better than that jackoff in Virginia ever could.
Tammy: She does treat you fine. But we noticed that when she was giving you constructive criticism, you were taking it very hard.
Jazmyn’s dad: Exactly. I observed you being on the verge of tears once or twice. We saw you question Myra quite a lot and apologizing for things that you shouldn’t have had to apologize for.
Jazmyn: I don’t know what to say… I mean… why do you guys care?
Jazmyn’s dad: I’m your father and I know Tammy isn’t your mother by birth, but she deeply cares for you too. So, we decided that we’re going to tell you something that you have needed to hear for so many years.
Jazmyn: Oh no…
Jazmyn’s eyebrows drop as she squints her eyes, almost as if she’s bracing for the worst.
Tammy: Case in point! You’re already worrying that it’s going to be a bad thing.
Jazmyn’s dad: It’s not a bad thing, Jazmyn, but if you want to make it in this world, whether it’s professional wrestling or not, you have to work on one HUGE thing: your self-esteem!
Jazmyn: Um… okay…
Jazmyn’s dad: Your outfit is a good start…
Tammy: A GREAT start, as a matter of fact.
Jazmyn’s dad: But… but….
Her father pauses and clenches his fists, letting out a sigh as he looks down on the ground and shakes his head.
Jazmyn’s dad: I can’t do it. I don’t want to risk breaking her heart.
Jazmyn’s eyes widen again in surprise.
Tammy: I’LL do it! Jazmyn…
Tammy grabs a hold of her husband’s hand.
Tammy: You have always had this tendency to let things get to you too much, especially the smaller stuff. If someone even says “you need to work on this”, you take it as a personal attack and you crawl back into your shell feeling sorry for yourself thinking you screwed up and that you’re not good enough to do anything. You take one iota of negativity and you let it bring you down. Remember what happened with your job in the clinical psychology field when you got laid off? You gave up and spent the next two years partying. We’re worried that you don’t have the adequate coping skills to sustain yourself out there. Professional wrestling is rather cruel as you’ve described to us before…
Jazmyn: I’m sorry… I…
Tammy: You don’t need to apologize, hon!
Jazmyn: I can’t help it! I know what’s wrong, but I don’t know how to fix it. Like… I know how and why I have all these um… self-esteem issues and take things to heart so much and it all goes back to this one thing…
Jazmyn’s dad: Not your mother and I divorcing, I hope…
Jazmyn: No Dad, it’s not a “what”. It’s a “who”. It’s my “mother” if you can call her that. Catarina verbally abused me all the time, you know that!
Tammy: I understand hon, but you’ve got to find a way to fight that.
Jazmyn: I don’t know HOW! I mean… she said that I’d never amount to ANYTHING.
Jazmyn’s eyes begin to fill up with tears as she continues to recount the verbal abuses her birth mother put her through.
Jazmyn: She never said “thank you” for anything I did for her around the house. She made it very clear how happy she was when I’d come up to live with you for the summer and how miserable she was when I had to go back to her for the school year. She told me countless times that she lost her beauty queen career because I “had the audacity to exist”.
Tears begin to flow down her face.
Jazmyn: How do I confront that? I know I have to in order to be somebody but…
Jazmyn’s dad: You ARE somebody! You’re trying extremely hard to make a living and a goal for yourself. You just need to affirm to yourself that you’re better than everything Catarina ever said about you. In our eyes, you already HAVE proved her wrong.
Jazmyn: It doesn’t FEEL like it…
Tammy: But you’re strong for enduring what she put you through without self-destructing into a life that none of us want you to get into.
Jazmyn wipes away some tears and takes a deep breath to compose herself.
Jazmyn: I’m so...no… this is who and what I am right now. I should never apologize for that. I want to grow strong so I’m not so sensitive anymore. If I can’t do that, I can’t make it in wrestling long term. I know I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem and… um… starting tomorrow, I will! I’m going to start giving myself positive affirmations every morning so I can beat this and be a success in what I want to do!
Jazmyn’s dad: I’m proud of you! That’s a great start!
Jazmyn: Thank you both, I needed that.
Their conversation is interrupted by the sudden ringing of the doorbell.
Tammy: I take it that’s Myra?
Jazmyn nods.
Jazmyn: I’ll see you guys when I come back. I’m going to think about everything you guys just said, I promise!
The three of them stand up and Jazmyn exchanges a hug with her father and stepmother. Walking toward the door, she opens it to greet Myra whose eyes widen a little at Jazmyn’s outfit.
Myra: Look at YOU!
Jazmyn steps out and shuts the door behind her.
Jazmyn: What?
Myra: Dress rehearsal for your PRW interview?
Jazmyn: Yeah… I guess.
Myra: Hold on though…
Jazmyn becomes a little perplexed as Myra unbuttons her overcoat, but doesn’t remove it, revealing some of her top.
Jazmyn: Um…
Myra: Jaz… have some confidence. You don’t need to hide! And… I’d lose the headband if I were you.
Jazmyn sighs slightly, briefly feeling like she was being put down, but she clears her throat and looks right into Myra’s eyes.
Jazmyn: I personally like it. It doesn’t hurt to have a LITTLE color with what I’m wearing so… I’m going to keep it.
Myra shrugs.
Myra: Alright, your choice. Either way, you look fantastic! You’re so going to ace that PRW interview next week!
Jazmyn smiles.
Jazmyn: Thank you!
Myra: Come on, let’s have some fun!
Myra leads Jazmyn to her car and once they’re both in it, she wastes little time pulling out of the driveway and heading out into the street. Jazmyn meanwhile, is feeling a little good about herself.
Jazmyn (thinking): You know… standing up for myself over something silly like a headband and not getting shut down… that does feel nice. It’s a baby step, but I’ve already started to build my self-esteem just in that brief moment!
Jazmyn wears a smile on her face, feeling confident in herself as her night out with Myra is about to begin.
Excerpt from Jazmyn Rain’s currently unnamed and unpublished autobiography…
“Myra Lynwood didn’t go easy on me after she took me under her wing. She was quite harsh at times. She hardly gave me a break and she told me exactly what was on her mind and I had my moments where I doubted myself and whether I could truly make it in professional wrestling. The one thing that I could hang my hat on was the absolute fact that Myra was an upgrade light-years better than Mason Randall and nothing that Myra could ever do to me would ever come close to matching the humiliation, the hazing and the abuse that I would take on a monthly basis from him. Within two weeks of Myra taking me under her wing, I realized that not only my trainer had changed, but my lifestyle as well. My training hours were longer and Myra only ramped up the intensity the more I came along. But toward the end of 2010 and going into 2011, I finally commenced wrestling in front of a live audience. Albeit, they were audiences of less than a hundred in a high school gymnasium in small towns largely concentrated in the south… and my “Southern belle” character was still a thing, but I couldn’t complain when I was being trained by one of the best wrestlers in the world man or woman and I was finally wrestling on a more regular basis.”
“However, it took a toll on me. Bless my father for keeping me away from the painkillers! He was willing to help me financially by having me go to a spa or to a rehabilitation clinic to heal from injuries. Those two practices, I wholeheartedly endorse far more than painkillers. Injuries were one thing, harsh reality was another. Myra never sugar coated anything for me and her micromanaging caused my confidence to waver and my emotions to break down. Still, she managed to secure me an interview with Pure Revolutionary Wrestling. Yet, I still had ways to go. Before I went to that interview, Myra made it blatantly clear that I HAD to work on my self-esteem: the one thing in my life that was an Achilles heel for an endless string of years during my teenage and adult lives…”
Date: February 24, 2011 (FLASHBACK)
The 26-year-old Jazmyn Rain is in her bedroom located within her father’s Charlotte, North Carolina home and on this night, she seems a bit conflicted as she walks out of the closet sporting a plain white, t-shirt, a basic pair of jeans and sneakers to match the shirt. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail while she sports a white visor on her head. She walks toward the mirror to look at herself and she lets out a sigh as if she’s not exactly satisfied with the way she looks.
Jazmyn: Myra’s not going to like this outfit. There’s no way this would pass an interview.
Jazmyn sighs some more as she removes her visor and tosses it to the side and pulls the hair tie out of her ponytail, undoing it and letting her light brown hair of the time fall on her shoulders. She lets out a frown as an indication that she doesn’t like what she sees in the mirror and she walks back inside the closet that she came out of. A few minutes later, she comes back out wearing a black, pinstripe pencil skirt with a sleeveless black top. Carrying a light, black-colored overcoat over her shoulders and wearing a matching pair of heels, Jazmyn looks in the mirror again. She smiles slightly, but she still doesn’t look comfortable. Her hair is still down and accompanied by a pink headband just to add some color, but she’s still unsure of herself.
Jazmyn: I’m not used to this… *sighs*
Jazmyn puts on the overcoat and buttons it up, which draws a bigger smile out of her.
Jazmyn: This will do.
Jazmyn straightens her headband and walks out of the room. Walking down the hallway, she’s still feeling a little strange considering she’s not used to dressing so professionally for a night out. Taking a right turn into the living room, a familiar presence stops her in her tracks.
Jazmyn’s dad: Jazmyn?
Jazmyn turns around and looks at him with uncertainty in her eyes. Tammy, her stepmother, comes into view standing behind her father.
Jazmyn: Y...yeah?
Tammy: You look wonderful tonight! Going out?
Jazmyn: Yeah… Myra is picking me up at 7.
Jazmyn’s dad: Myra again? Well, she is helping you along but before you go meet her, we need to talk. Take a seat, if you don’t mind.
Jazmyn grows confused as she walks to a chair in the living room and sits on it. Her father and stepmother join her in the living room as they sit on the couch.
Jazmyn’s dad: How happy are you with this… wrestling career of yours?
Jazmyn: It’s… fine. I’ve made a lot of progress and everything.
Jazmyn’s dad: Are you sure you’re happy? Because Tammy and I have noticed that whenever you come home, you seem tired and or miserable.
Jazmyn: Dad, seriously. It’s fine. Sometimes I’m in so much pain from wrestling a match, you know that. Sometimes I need a break. It happens. Why the cause for concern?
Tammy: Jazmyn… you’re not aware of this… well, not until now, but we stopped by for a visit while you were training with Myra.
Jazmyn raises her eyebrows.
Jazmyn: And… I didn’t know about this?
Jazmyn’s dad: That was part of the plan. We wanted to get a look at how she treats you, especially after what you had to deal with at VCWA. And… well…
Tammy: We’re concerned…
Jazmyn: Concerned? About what? Myra treats me fine, much better than that jackoff in Virginia ever could.
Tammy: She does treat you fine. But we noticed that when she was giving you constructive criticism, you were taking it very hard.
Jazmyn’s dad: Exactly. I observed you being on the verge of tears once or twice. We saw you question Myra quite a lot and apologizing for things that you shouldn’t have had to apologize for.
Jazmyn: I don’t know what to say… I mean… why do you guys care?
Jazmyn’s dad: I’m your father and I know Tammy isn’t your mother by birth, but she deeply cares for you too. So, we decided that we’re going to tell you something that you have needed to hear for so many years.
Jazmyn: Oh no…
Jazmyn’s eyebrows drop as she squints her eyes, almost as if she’s bracing for the worst.
Tammy: Case in point! You’re already worrying that it’s going to be a bad thing.
Jazmyn’s dad: It’s not a bad thing, Jazmyn, but if you want to make it in this world, whether it’s professional wrestling or not, you have to work on one HUGE thing: your self-esteem!
Jazmyn: Um… okay…
Jazmyn’s dad: Your outfit is a good start…
Tammy: A GREAT start, as a matter of fact.
Jazmyn’s dad: But… but….
Her father pauses and clenches his fists, letting out a sigh as he looks down on the ground and shakes his head.
Jazmyn’s dad: I can’t do it. I don’t want to risk breaking her heart.
Jazmyn’s eyes widen again in surprise.
Tammy: I’LL do it! Jazmyn…
Tammy grabs a hold of her husband’s hand.
Tammy: You have always had this tendency to let things get to you too much, especially the smaller stuff. If someone even says “you need to work on this”, you take it as a personal attack and you crawl back into your shell feeling sorry for yourself thinking you screwed up and that you’re not good enough to do anything. You take one iota of negativity and you let it bring you down. Remember what happened with your job in the clinical psychology field when you got laid off? You gave up and spent the next two years partying. We’re worried that you don’t have the adequate coping skills to sustain yourself out there. Professional wrestling is rather cruel as you’ve described to us before…
Jazmyn: I’m sorry… I…
Tammy: You don’t need to apologize, hon!
Jazmyn: I can’t help it! I know what’s wrong, but I don’t know how to fix it. Like… I know how and why I have all these um… self-esteem issues and take things to heart so much and it all goes back to this one thing…
Jazmyn’s dad: Not your mother and I divorcing, I hope…
Jazmyn: No Dad, it’s not a “what”. It’s a “who”. It’s my “mother” if you can call her that. Catarina verbally abused me all the time, you know that!
Tammy: I understand hon, but you’ve got to find a way to fight that.
Jazmyn: I don’t know HOW! I mean… she said that I’d never amount to ANYTHING.
Jazmyn’s eyes begin to fill up with tears as she continues to recount the verbal abuses her birth mother put her through.
Jazmyn: She never said “thank you” for anything I did for her around the house. She made it very clear how happy she was when I’d come up to live with you for the summer and how miserable she was when I had to go back to her for the school year. She told me countless times that she lost her beauty queen career because I “had the audacity to exist”.
Tears begin to flow down her face.
Jazmyn: How do I confront that? I know I have to in order to be somebody but…
Jazmyn’s dad: You ARE somebody! You’re trying extremely hard to make a living and a goal for yourself. You just need to affirm to yourself that you’re better than everything Catarina ever said about you. In our eyes, you already HAVE proved her wrong.
Jazmyn: It doesn’t FEEL like it…
Tammy: But you’re strong for enduring what she put you through without self-destructing into a life that none of us want you to get into.
Jazmyn wipes away some tears and takes a deep breath to compose herself.
Jazmyn: I’m so...no… this is who and what I am right now. I should never apologize for that. I want to grow strong so I’m not so sensitive anymore. If I can’t do that, I can’t make it in wrestling long term. I know I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem and… um… starting tomorrow, I will! I’m going to start giving myself positive affirmations every morning so I can beat this and be a success in what I want to do!
Jazmyn’s dad: I’m proud of you! That’s a great start!
Jazmyn: Thank you both, I needed that.
Their conversation is interrupted by the sudden ringing of the doorbell.
Tammy: I take it that’s Myra?
Jazmyn nods.
Jazmyn: I’ll see you guys when I come back. I’m going to think about everything you guys just said, I promise!
The three of them stand up and Jazmyn exchanges a hug with her father and stepmother. Walking toward the door, she opens it to greet Myra whose eyes widen a little at Jazmyn’s outfit.
Myra: Look at YOU!
Jazmyn steps out and shuts the door behind her.
Jazmyn: What?
Myra: Dress rehearsal for your PRW interview?
Jazmyn: Yeah… I guess.
Myra: Hold on though…
Jazmyn becomes a little perplexed as Myra unbuttons her overcoat, but doesn’t remove it, revealing some of her top.
Jazmyn: Um…
Myra: Jaz… have some confidence. You don’t need to hide! And… I’d lose the headband if I were you.
Jazmyn sighs slightly, briefly feeling like she was being put down, but she clears her throat and looks right into Myra’s eyes.
Jazmyn: I personally like it. It doesn’t hurt to have a LITTLE color with what I’m wearing so… I’m going to keep it.
Myra shrugs.
Myra: Alright, your choice. Either way, you look fantastic! You’re so going to ace that PRW interview next week!
Jazmyn smiles.
Jazmyn: Thank you!
Myra: Come on, let’s have some fun!
Myra leads Jazmyn to her car and once they’re both in it, she wastes little time pulling out of the driveway and heading out into the street. Jazmyn meanwhile, is feeling a little good about herself.
Jazmyn (thinking): You know… standing up for myself over something silly like a headband and not getting shut down… that does feel nice. It’s a baby step, but I’ve already started to build my self-esteem just in that brief moment!
Jazmyn wears a smile on her face, feeling confident in herself as her night out with Myra is about to begin.
