Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Nov 20, 2016 13:54:01 GMT -5
RONNIE NORTH
The 1.3 Percent
The 1.3 Percent
“Well....Harambe and Bernie Sanders beat you in a landslide.” The Jew Blazer says, looking at the poll numbers.
“We sort of expected that would happen.” Ronnie says.
“BUT, coming in with 1.3% of the write-in vote...Ronnie North!” Josh says.
“What? Are you serious?!” Ronnie says, flipping out.
“Yup. You did it. The Twitter campaign worked. A lot of very.....very dumb people wrote your name in and you won your stupid bet.” Josh says.
“YES! OH GOD DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!?!?!” Ronnie announces, tearing himself out of the suit and tie he was wearing to reveal his bare hairy chest.
“If I remember correctly it means you have enough money to go on the 'International Ronnie North F-Word Jamboree and Ice Cream Social'” Josh says.
“That's right! I already have my budget mapped out! Drums of Lube. DRUMS OF IT. Contact Ben and Jerry! I demand a flavor be created in my honor.” Ronnie says.
“Look I'm coming along to make sure you don't get into any serious trouble but I swear if I find a SINGLE hair in my ice cream I'm killing you, then myself.” The Jew Blazer says.
-SEVERAL DAYS LATER-
“I think I'm going to die.” Ronnie says, holding a icepack over his crotch.
“Were your eyes bigger than your appetite?” The Blazer asks, enjoying his ice cream.
“No, quite frankly I could have gone on for weeks....MONTHS even but...man....poor little Ronnie overworked.” Ronnie says, sitting up.
“Uh-huh. Any words for our opponents or...?” The Blazer says.
“Two gifted tag teams to be sure, but they show up on OUR turf and expect to just get one over on us? Dial B for 'Bogus'.” Ronnie says.
“Right. We reminded everyone what we are capable of on the last episode of Glory and we have no intentions of slowing down. We have a lot of work to do and eventually we have some tag team titles to win. You all seem good but you have the misfortune of being in our way. Thems the breaks.” The Jew Blazer says.
“It's...spongy. My dick is spongy.” Ronnie says.
“Well, that's a mental image I wish I could have lobotomized right out of my skull. Thanks for that.” The Blazer says as he eats another spoonful of ice cream.
“Not as bad as me catching you with Kaylee on the kitchen counter. That's where food gets made, JB! Food that I occasionally eat!” Ronnie says.
“I can stop inviting you over for dinner if you want. You can go back to Chef Boyardee making all of your meals.” The Blazer says.
“...Just please clean the counter regularly.” Ronnie says.
“Just like...we'll clean the clocks of our opponents!” The Blazer says. He looks to Ronnie who shakes his head.
“No...well alright then, this was stupid.” Josh says before the camera fades to black.
