'The Jew Blazer' Josh Goldstein- The Cory Matthews Paradox

The sound of the water had cradled him to sleep that night after several hours of passion between him and his new wife. Joshua Goldstein fell asleep considering himself one of the luckiest men alive. The beautiful luxury suite he was staying in in Tahiti was an amazingly well-furnished and comfy overwater bungalow. He wakes up well before the sun and puts on a pair of basketball shorts and his Def Leppard tank top before stepping out onto the deck and leaning against the rail, looking out over the beautiful blue lagoon waters.

He considered himself so very fortunate.

Yet still one question plagues his very existence. It kept him awake at night on more than one occasion. He could feel it burn to the very core of him on more than one occasion. The look on his face tells the tale, which is why his wife picks up on it so quickly. She joins him on the deck wrapped in their blanket and wraps her arms around his arm and leans her head on his shoulder.

“Joshie? What’s wrong baby? You can tell me.” Kaylee asks her husband.

“It’s nothing.” Josh says, still looking out at the water.

“No no, none of that. I’m your wife now. You’re my husband. We tell each other everything.” Kaylee says, placing a kiss to his cheek.

“…Okay, so.” Josh says, taking a deep breath.

“Go on, hun.” Kaylee says, nuzzling into his neck and listening.

“So like… why was Cory Matthews the only Jewish member of his family on ‘Boy Meets World’?” Josh asks.

There is a long pause.

Kaylee considers being mad at her new husband for waking her up over this for several moments until it hits her.

“No he’s…wait. What? Oh God! He’s…” Kaylee says.

“Yeah, he looks nothing like the rest of his family. He has the frizzy hair, the nose… He even starts talking like a Jewish Grandpa by the time he’s like 16.” Josh says.

“I feel like reality is crumbling around me… he really doesn’t look like Eric at ALL” Kaylee says.

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. You’re gonna be thinking about it all the time too.” Josh says. Josh had his phone out on the little tripod he had for it and video was recording because unable to sleep he had been ramping up to film a promo out here, but he abruptly turns the camera to face the beautiful waters of the lagoon when his wife drops her blanket as she thought about this Boy Meets World realization revealing she hadn’t put on anything underneath it. Fortunately (?) his reflexes were fast enough that we didn’t see anything on the tape.

“By the time Cory is 16 he is talking like a Mel Brooks character!” Kaylee says. The camera cuts out as Josh stops the recording to try and talk his wife down.

___________________________

The sun was up now. Kaylee required much loving to shake her out of the existential Nightmare that the ‘Cory Matthews Paradox’ had created. Josh had his hair tied back and was wearing an unbuttoned blue and white Aloha shirt over his Def Leppard tank top and had sunscreen on. He looked like he was starting to get tan, which was kind of an odd look for him but he at least looked relaxed. He had on a pair of aviator sunglasses.

“Hey guys, Josh here. So I got eliminated from the tournament and that kinda really sucked but I mean….I’m over it. At the very least I now get a chance to prove myself against not only the man who taught me how to fight but the New NGW Champion! Now I know the NGW Championship isn’t on the line but I’ll be darn sure to fight Johnny like it is. Can student surpass the master? I think so.” Josh says.

“Look, I’m over the moon with happiness for Johnny for finally winning that title off of Kayla. From the start The Guardians have said that so long as it isn’t around the waist of a Destroyer or, as unlikely as this seems, Julianna Dimaria that things would be much better and at the start Johnny seemed to be an ally of The Guardians but… what happened Johnny? I mean, I can understand the frustration of people interfering in your matches but to just come out and say ‘Eff every stable’? I’m in one of those stables, Johnny. Jessica is in one of those stables and I know you care about her like family. You’ve got Adrien doubting whether or not you were ever really friends and believe me, I know this Johnny. This Johnny that’s afraid to let people get to close because he thinks down in his core he’s a bad person and he just can’t change it. This Johnny likely feels bad that so few people in the company congratulated him for winning the NGW Championship but saw it as ‘proof’ of his theory that he’s the least liked member of the roster. Johnny, you forced yourself into this lone wolf role out of…what? I dunno. I guess you can’t argue with results, right? I suppose the ends justify the means but… The Destroyers don’t forget and forgive stuff like this. I mean Shields just assaulted Jessica for, from what I can tell, not wanting to sleep with him so I can only imagine what they’ve got cooking for you. Who is gonna show up to help you the day that happens, Johnny? I know I’ll do my best but I’m just one man.” Josh says, trying to get through to his mentor and friend. He sighs and takes a moment to listen to the water.

“I know your strengths and I know mine, Johnny. I know you’re a technician…a suplex, submissions, and strikes specialist. Well I have speed speed speed and an acrobatic flair on my side and I will throw absolutely everything I can at you to show the world that The Jew Blazer is the Cory Matthews of the NGW family. The weird Jewish outlier who kinda looks like he doesn’t belong but is actually the protagonist who ends up with a really hot wife! Hey! I already did that last part! Blazer out!” Josh says before lowering his shades to wink and the promo ends.