A Very Radical Wedding

“You’re gonna pace a fucking hole in the floor if you keep that up.” Johnny says to Josh, still messing around with his tie. He wore them so infrequently that even when he had it right it didn’t look quite right to him.

“Hm?” Josh says. Josh had been going over his vows for probably the 8 billionth time. He had them down of course. The room full of Groomsmen watched as he paced.

“Relax, man.” Ollie says.

“I’m not nervous. I’m...I’ve wanted to married to Kaylee since our first date. I’m… I dunno.” Josh says, taking a deep breath.

“Take it from someone who has done this before. These jitters are completely normal and almost to be expected. In fact, it would be worse if you WEREN’T nervous, buddy.” Adrien gives an encouraging grin to his stablemate as the Dropkick King hopes his words help him relax a little.

“We’re here for you brother...unless you try to run. Kaylee made me promise to break your ankle if you tried to run.” Johnny says, backing up Adrien by trying to lighten the mood.

“I believe in you and I know fewer than half the people in this room.” Ronnie says.

“Do you think if I piledrove him hard enough he’d get his memory back?” says Allen Chaney, SAP Superstar and former training partner of Josh.

“I’m usually all for wacky sitcom logic but it took a long time to get Ronnie looking presentable so I’d say save it for later.” Johnny says. Josh actually chuckles at the antics of his best man and groomsmen.

“Okay...okay guys. I feel better. Thank you.” Josh says, smiling at his friends.

“Hey. She’s ready.” Josh is told as someone peeks into the room.

“How bout you, skinny? You ready?” Allen asks Josh. Josh takes another deep breath and nods.



Joshua Goldstein had once had the thought that the whole ‘Here Comes the Bride’ thing was a weird tradition because the guy didn’t even get his own entrance theme. It was after the fourth of his friends advised him not to emerge before his wife and walk down the aisle in a ‘fancy wedding cape’ to ‘Livin On a Prayer’ by Bon Jovi that he finally accepted the tradition but it wasn’t until the old song cued up and he first saw Kaylee in her wedding gown that he understood why. He felt his heart do a thing it had never done before, like the left and right ventricles had somehow previously been tangled up and the sight of his bride had untied them. He released a noise that didn’t really make an audible sound. He knew definitively in that moment that there was no more room for doubt. He was going to be with that woman for the rest of his life or die trying.

Kaylee stood looking out to the crowd of people, but her eyes and her focus was on one man; Joshua Goldstein. The man that she decided to go out for the hell of it and fell for instantly. Josh was a man of integrity, humor, passion, wisdom… and he was so damn cute, too. Seeing him, she instantly lit up with a smile as she knew this is the day she had wanted since she was a little girl. It was every girl’s dream to marry the one perfect man, and she was living her dream. They were partners, both inside of the ring and outside. Taking his last name was just a formality in the dedication that she already had towards her Joshie.

The song keeps playing as she makes her way down the aisle and when she reaches her husband-to-be he lifts her veil and smiles at her. That smile that Josh had that was the only thing that could pierce through the exterior of Kaylee Kassie down to the core that was Cassandra.

“I know we won’t...but how funny would it be with all these people here if we just left right now and went to the Barcade.” Josh whispers to her so no one else can hear.

“Joshie… such a bad boy.” She smiles at him as she presses her hand on his chest as if she were pushing him a little from the joke.





“Cassandra...” Josh says as he begins his vows. “When I showed up in IPW… I was quickly marked as just a silly guy in a costume and a cape. Then I met you and none of what anyone else had to say mattered. Looking back it seems like a one in a million shot that the two of us found each other but ever since that first date… every moment I have ever spent with you has made me feel like a better person. I feel like I can never repay you for the love and the honesty and the courage you give me every day. In IPW they were right. I was nothing more than just a guy in a cape and spandex...until the day you told me you loved me. That was the day I became a Superhero.” Josh says, finishing his vows.

Kaylee looks up at him as she already had a tear in her eye. She had built herself up to be a cold-hearted bitch Kaylee Kassie, but only Josh knew the real Cassandra Myers. A girl that always claimed to be the best, she was far from it growing up. Josh had made her finally feel good about herself. “Joshua…” she begins as he wipes a tear away. “If you told me I would be here today marrying a skinny, frizzy haired superhero from New York City I would have died laughing. But the moment I met you and we had our first date, I knew that you were so much more. You were everything. You were my all. You were able to get to know me for me, the good and the bad. You were willing to spend the time to beat me over the head with the worst jokes ever because you know I loved them, and I would snort if you made me laugh hard enough. To feel protected and loved in your arms, and to feel a true connection like I’ve never had before. No one ever mattered in my life, except for me… that way, until you. You showed me that I can be Cassandra again. It was okay to be human. And you loved me for who I was on the inside, not for what you see before your eyes. The day I met you I was not Kaylee Kassie… I was that bright eyed, head over heels Cassandra.” She says, finishing her vows.

And then the rings got exchanged, the pronouncement of ‘man and wife’ was made, and a very very long kiss was exchanged between the happy couple.

“I love you, Kay Kay…” Josh whispers when the kiss breaks.

“I love you Joshie.” She kisses his a second time before whispering back. “I chose something special for us to walk off of the altar to.” She smiles. “I heard a certain guy likes a little Bon Jovi.”

And, of course, a glass wrapped in a napkin was stepped on and broken before ‘Mazel Tov’ was declared because even though this wasn’t a Jewish Temple, Josh would be damned if he ever disappointed his mother. Josh shakes hands and accepts congratulations from all of his groomsmen and his best man but it’s Kaylee who catches Johnny sliding an envelope in Josh’s tuxedo pocket in the middle of a hug before Johnny walks away to his ladies and they head to the reception. Josh walks back over to Kaylee, ignorant of the envelope sticking out of his jacket. Kaylee nods over to Ronnie who begins to play “Living on a Prayer” on a small boom box.

“It’s your song…” she smiles as she reaches for his hand. With her free hand she reaches for the envelope. “What’s this?”

“Oh...Oh God please tell me that whatever that is it wasn’t sticking out of my jacket for the whole wedding.” Josh says, potentially mortified as he takes the envelope and has a look at it.

“Happy Honeymoon...from a friend.” Josh reads aloud. Johnny apparently wasn’t counting on being spotted and didn’t want credit for his gift. Josh opens the envelope. Plane tickets, hotel accomodations, a travel card loaded with credit.

“Uhm...apparently we are honeymooning in Tahiti.” Josh says.

She almost snatches it from his hands. “Wait, really?” She looks up and tries to find Johnny with her eyes but he was doing a good job of keeping hidden for someone who so typically liked to be the center of attention. “Well this is amazing. I cannot believe..” Before she finishes she grabs Josh and kisses him. “Let’s go and have this reception… we’ve got a honeymoon to get to, babe!”

“Right! Cake!” Josh said.

“Are we taking bets on him eating the whole thing?” Allen asks, referencing the infamous bottomless stomach of Joshua Goldstein. Phorry yaps in response.

“Okay, at least half. You’re on.” Allen says. Phorry yaps in agreement as they all head to the reception.

“Wait, do you guys understand that dog?” Ronnie asks as he follows though no one answers him.

Josh leads Kaylee up the aisle as his exit theme plays over the boombox as they head towards the reception. She leans her head on his shoulder as they make their way out.




The Reception has died down. Cake has been cut and consumed, a beautiful bride and groom dance occurs and Josh helps his mother to her taxi and shares an emotional moment with her before she leaves. As the crowd thins out, Josh sits with his….wife? Wow that was weird to think about. They sit amidst the wedding presents and Josh holds her hand as she leans her head on his shoulder.

“Hmmm...whoever got the bacon cooker is a real smartass.” Josh says wistfully as he just basks in the loving presence of his wife, ignoring the few stragglers around them along with the cleaning staff who were just starting to get to work.

They watch as streamers are being swept up and music is starting to die down. “This was amazing Josh. You are amazing. My husband.” She loved saying that already. “I love you, Joshie.” She leaned into him once more as she was ready for the honeymoon trip and some relaxation.

“Are you ready to go, wife?” Josh asks. Phorry yaps.

“My wife? Is it seriously weird to just call her ‘wife’?” Josh asks. Phorry yaps.

“Fine, are you ready to go, my wife? We apparently have a Honeymoon to get to from some...mystery gift-giver.” Josh says.

Josh starts to lead her towards the door as she whispers into his ear. “You know that we are going up, into the air… I am going to go… down.” She puts on a grin from ear to ear.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired too. I can never really sleep on planes, though. I wonder if first class seats are comfy enough that I could maybe get some shuteye too.” Josh says obliviously.

“Doesn’t matter how comfy they are, Joshie. I will make sure my husband is plenty relaxed. We just need one of those little blankets they pass out. And hopefully it’s a window seat or else… well… “ she leaves it open ended to let him guess.

“...Or else we won’t get a beautiful view of Tahiti as we fly in?” Josh asks. Even Phorry rolls her eyes.

“We will both definitely have views, Joshie. Let’s go.. We need to join the Mile High Club early.”

“I love clubs!” Josh responds as they leave...Husband and Wife.