'The Jew Blazer' Josh Goldstein- Kosher H.A.M.

“You see what that new guy said about you?” Ronnie asks. It was Tuesday. They were standing outside their apartment. Josh was waiting for his dog Phorry to make tinkles and Ronnie followed because he was his neighbor and best friend and didn’t really have anything better to be doing.

“Yeah.” Josh says with a shrug.

“Aren’t you mad?” Ronnie asks.

“I mean… I guess I would say I’m more disappointed than anything.” Josh says.

“What do you mean?” Ronnie asks.

“I really like building other people up…but I’m gonna have to make an example of this dude.” Josh says. Ronnie scratches his head.

“How are you gonna do that?” Ronnie asks.

“You’ll see, Ron. I may eat kosher but I’m really about to go HAM.” Josh says.

“That’s a hella corny line.” Ronnie says as Phorry happily yaps after finishing her business.

“Definitely not the corniest line I’ve heard today.” Josh says.

“Oh right… ‘Kruise Control’.” Ronnie says. There is a pause before Ronnie and Josh look at each other and exchange a huge laugh. Phorry follows as the two go back inside, laughing to whole way.

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We open on the Jew Blazer. He is in his classic ring gear (Yes, that’s right. He’s back in the cape) and is smiling wide. He waves to the camera.

“Hi there new guy! How’s it going? It’s nice to meet you! My name is Josh. So, do you mind telling me now who the fuck you think you are?” Josh says, never losing his smile and still waving politely.

“I mean, I know who I am. I’m the guy who is NOT about to brag about a title he recently won outside of the company because….Well I won it another company so it’s basically irrelevant. You seem to have a lot to say about titles YOU won in other companies though. I figured I’d clear up a few logical inconsistencies you’ve made since you seem to have made a lot of ‘new guy’ mistakes. Right off the bat, no one in management is making me dress like this! I make my own costumes because…you know I’m done explaining that aspect of my life to people so how about you just keep wearing your jeans and skate shoes like every other third in-ring competitor who thinks they are somehow ‘cooler’ than pro wrestling and dresses like a Portland hipster just rolled out of bed. You seemed to really focus on how ‘silly’ I am and decided I was shitty without looking at my record here. I’ve been here since Redemption Wrestling opened and in that time I have amassed a win count higher than anyone in the company, became the first individual to win multiple titles in the company, and just generally have been super rad. So I ask again, kid… WHO. THE FUCK. DO. YOU. THINK. YOU. ARE?” Josh asks, raising an eyebrow as if waiting for an answer.

“There’s a lot I am willing to do for the NGW. I’m willing to put up with a lot from people because I know I can prove them wrong in the ring. I’m willing to push myself to be better which is why I train around 4 hours a day. In fact I’ve been in talks with Devlin to convert part of the Rec Center I co-own in Long Island into the East Coast training house for NGW and WCG. What I am NOT willing to do is sit here and let some kid lecture me on not being a ‘serious wrestler’ when he lets dumb dreck like ‘I’m gonna put your ass on Kruise Control’ fall out his schmuck face. That’s a paddlin. That’s how you end up on the receiving end of a Chutzpah Boot that can take your face clean off of your skull.” Josh says.

“I hope you take a lesson away from this tuches-kicking you’re about to receive. I really hate to talk down to a new talent like this but… well anyone with a pair of ears and eyes that had to suffer through you attempting to riff on my bio on the NGW website without doing any further research at all can probably see that you deserve what is coming to you.” Josh says with a small flourish of his cape.

“You see Tristan, I told the world that 2018 was going to be the year that the World started to use the words ‘Joshua Goldstein’ and ‘NGW Championship Contender’ in the same sentence. Winning this tournament is going to go a long way to facilitate that change. I envision a world in which the tag titles and the NGW Title are held by the Radicalliance. You say that’s lofty. I say it is only a matter of time.” Josh says.

“I am El Rey de Jewcha Libre, El hijo del Long Island. The Gelted Guardian. I wear what made me who I am on my sleeve and I frankly don’t care if you have a problem with it. You can join the countless others icing their faces as they say ‘b-but he’s supposed to be a funny gimmick guy’. Talking about me like I’m nothing but a joke is only doing yourself a disservice when you get beat by me. Congratulations, you got beat by a joke. What does that make you now?” Josh asks.

“My name is Joshua Avraham Goldstein. I dress how I want to dress, I fight how I want to fight, and anyone who doesn’t like it can absolutely feel free to kiss the skinniest part of my glorious Hebrew ass.” Josh says turning around giving his butt a little bit of a wiggle.

“And as far as me getting some rest? No worries there, Tristan. There’s not a single chance I’m going to lose any sleep over you. I am advancing in this tournament. And as an added bonus? I get to maybe teach the new guy a lesson that will help him make the transition to manhood. So this isn’t just a match, it’s basically gonna be Tristan Kruise’s Bar Mitzvah. See you in the ring, Kid.” Josh says with a smirk.