Johnny Maverick- Fish in a Blender

It’s Thursday.

Weird stuff happens on Thursday.

This Thursday would be no different.

Johnny Maverick is sitting in the middle of his kitchen island in lotus position wearing pajama pants and a Dead Kennedys t-shirt. He takes in a deep breath then exhales as he meditates upon the focus of his activity for the day.

His blender.

He stares at it in a way Picasso might have stared at a canvas.

So, like a weird Spanish pervert.

“I will imbue you with power and in return you shall give me strength beyond measure!” Johnny says to the blender in a ridiculous and grandiose voice he probably wouldn’t be using if he knew someone else was in the apartment. I mean, this is also being filmed so that doesn’t really make sense but if we’re going to sit here and poke holes in the logic of Johnny Maverick we’re going to be here for at least four days.

“I just… need to know what the right power to imbue you with is...” Johnny says, looking at the absurd multitude of ingredients he has laid out on the counters in the kitchen. Just then, the front door of the apartment opens and a young lady with a super cute Japanese-themed schoolgirl outfit walks into the living room. There’s no wall between the living room and the kitchen.

“Johnny! Mari! I’m home!” Danielle Maverick, as she claims to be, glances up and stares at her boyfriend sitting in the middle of the kitchen island… The way he stares at the blender is not the strangest thing here. “Um, Johnny? What are yew doing?”

“Would you believe you are dreaming this?” Johnny says. Danni shakes her head. “Okay, that was worth a shot. I’ve decided I’m going to try and make the perfect protein shake. Once I have made it I will sell it to the masses and use the profits to do something that will make Elon Musk look like the Mayor of Dogshit Hobo-Town. I’m just….hmm… Salmon has a lot of protein in it. Let’s start with Salmon!” Johnny says. He takes a big hunk of smoked salmon in his bare hands and flings it into the blender.

Danni’s eyes widen as she watches him literally throw smoked salmon into the blender. “Um… is Mari okay with this?”

Speaking of, the door to the art studio (formerly the office) opens and their girlfriend Maricela Reyes steps out. She’s wearing an old loose-fitting black t-shirt with an old ripped pair of black jeans. Both articles of clothing are covered in paint splotches of different colors. She makes her way over to the kitchen and wraps her arms around Danni from behind. “Johnny’s up to his usual antics, hon. You should be used to this by now. You’ve dated him longer than I have.”

“Peanut butter!” Johnny declares, gesturing so violently he falls off of the kitchen island.

“I’m okay!” He declares quickly, standing up and dusting himself off. He grabs a jar of creamy peanut butter and scoops out a sizeable amount with his hand and just kinda plops it into the blender before he makes a thoughtful noise as he rubs his chin, getting peanut butter all over his face. He doesn’t seem to notice. However, Danni notices. She loves peanut butter. Gently pulling away from Mari, she moves closer to Johnny, close enough to lick some of the peanut butter from his chin.

“Well then…” Mari raises an eyebrow, intrigued by this turn of events. She notices the camera Johnny has set nearby and she shakes her head. “...I highly doubt the world wants to see what’s supposed to be private.” She pauses and clears her throat.

“Besides the Valentine’s Day lesbian video, but…”

“Yogurt, Quinoa, Avocado, and Steak!” Johnny says, quickly interrupting before more details of his Valentine’s Day present can be shared on-camera. He puts all four items in the blender along with some almond milk and a few ice cubes before putting the lid on the powerful blender and blending the contents until they form a brown sludge. He takes off the lid and pours some into a glass. He gives it a smell and it looks like for a moment he is going to snap back to reality.

Danni and Mari both watch, hoping their boyfriend snaps out of this delusion he’s created for himself. Mari looks towards the refrigerator and raises an eyebrow. “...how do you create a protein shake without spinach? There’s more protein in spinach than there is in steak.”

“Mari! Why are you entertaining this?!” Danni yelps and her sparkly blue eyes widen.

“Because it’s funny and I feel like Johnny has to learn some time.”

“When does Johnny ever learn?!”

It seems like the only part of that Johnny heard was ‘spinach’ and he adds some to the blender along with what he had already poured himself and re-blends. He pours himself a glass once more and very quickly downs the entire contents.

And for several moments, there is silence.

“...” Danni doesn’t say anything.

“...” Neither does Mari.

“....................Yeah no, no I’m definitely going to ralph.” Johnny says. He calmly sets the glass down and walks past his girlfriends to the bathroom.

Danni watches him go without a word. Mari shakes her head, calmly takes apart the blender, and brings it over to the sink to wash the nasty contents of the so-called protein shake. She steps back to also bring the empty glass to wash as well.

“Should I… check on him?” Danni blinks.

“Let him pray to the porcelain god for a while. Then give him a glass of water.” Mari answers simply.

Danni shrugs and goes about her business as we hear retching in the background and the camera fades out.

_________________________

“Damon. Fancy seeing you again. Last time we did this I beat you. That was cool.” Johnny says, recording from his bathroom.

“Welcome to my bathroom. This is my toothbrush. This is my comb. This is….wait, what the fuck is this thing?” Johnny asks, carefully examining a nose hair trimmer.

“I could talk about how last time we fought I worked your arm and made you tap as is my usual modus operandi or we could…Yeah alright. Let’s talk about the Rebel Society and how I’ve had wet farts that have had more impact on the NGW.” Johnny says, there is a pause.

“I…was wrestling with a stomach bug. It’s not worth getting into.” Johnny adds, explaining the ‘wet fart’ comment. We’ve all been there. Johnny walks out of the bathroom, taking the camera to his bedroom.

“Some things go well together. Peanut Butter and Jelly. Peas and Carrots. The Rebel Society? So far as I’ve seen they are a salmon, yogurt, peanut butter, and avocado smoothie. Me? I am a stable on my own. I am the Anti-Stable….Huh, maybe that is why so many people call me ‘Un-Stable’? I’m on one of the hottest streaks of my career, Damon. Things are really starting to gel. I’ve got two out of four Destroyers under my belt and I’m looking to add three soon and number four in April. You know what you’re in for, Damon and if you’ve forgotten? Maybe you should go talk to your pal Alex Jones. He seems to be tripping over himself trying to heap praise on me after I beat him at the last show. I appreciate it, Alex. I hope this streak of bad luck ends for you soon but unfortunately for you… you’ve been booked against John Blade. I will notify your next of kin. Damon? I’ve never been more focused and more dangerous in my entire life. I may be kinda silly, I may not look like much, but I put in work. And that is why THIS should be the most coveted title in all of NGW.” Johnny says, grabbing the ‘I’m Johnny Maverick’ World Title off of a shelf and slinging it over his shoulder. He smiles real big.

"Anyone out there who thinks they're a big fish in a small pond needs to realize it ain't a pond at all. You're in a blender, and I've got my fingers on the fucking 'smoothie' setting." Johnny adds, dusting off his title a bit.

“See you in the ring, Damon.” Johnny says.