Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Jan 28, 2018 18:03:33 GMT -5
'THE JEW BLAZER'
JOSH GOLDSTEIN
Failure
JOSH GOLDSTEIN
Failure
“Hi there! I’m in Sweden.” Josh says, waving to the camera enthusiastically.
“I’ve been enjoying several varieties of herring, meatballs, and even something I think may have been a herring meatball, but after my recent unsuccessful attempt to win my way back into contention for the Five Lakes Title I have arrived at Helsingborg, Sweden. Helsingborg is a scenic coastal city in Sweden with amazing shopping, incredible people, and a very unique Museum.” Josh says. He walks over to one of the Museum’s exhibits which seems to be dedicated to the ill-fated ‘New Coke’ that was created as an attempt to replace Coca-Cola in 1985.
“I’m in a place known as The Museum of Failure. It is in these hallowed halls that we as a society are shown some of the greatest failures in our history so that we might learn from them. It makes sense. You can potentially learn more from a single failure than from a thousand successes.” Josh says as he passes by a display honoring ‘Trump: The Game’ which was basically a terrible version of Monopoly with Donald Trump’s face all over it.
“I’m gonna be honest with you guys….I’m here to contribute something to the museum.” Josh says. He unzips his jacket, revealing the New Gen Championship. He was the last person to hold it.
“My recent loss proves to me that my reign as New Gen and then Five Lakes Champion was a failure….and as such I called the Museum and had an exhibit set up.” Josh says. He steps up to an exhibit that had been prepared for him. He takes off the New Gen Title and puts it around the waist of a mannequin that was wearing a blue cape with fluffy white lining. Josh takes a step back and looks at the exhibit and releases a sigh.
“You know I’m not like…having any negative feelings about this. It was a learning experience and as a fellow Guardian I am rooting for Jazmyn to beat Tillman and take that title belt but…it’s time to move on. I am once again a part of the greatest tag team in Professional Wrestling which is now a trio. I am thoroughly blessed now to be a part of a team with my best friend and my fiancé while still representing The Guardians. Now any time I’m really getting too big for my britches I can…well I’m not gonna fly out to Sweden every time that happens but you see what I’m getting at. Man, that would get expensive. Maybe I’ll just go to an Ikea and look at a picture of the New Gen title while eating a plate of meatballs. I’ll feel weird if I just go there for the cafeteria though. Maybe I could buy a FJÄLLBO or a STOCKSUND… but buying furniture there every time I visited would put a hurting on my finances as well. Maybe if I just grab a few small things….I could always use a few more KOPPLA’s for all my game consoles.” Josh says in deep thought. He briefly forgets what he was doing until he turns his head to see a mannequin dressed like him.
“Right. Okay. Yes. I really should talk about the fact that I am about to find myself in the ring with NOT ONLY the current tag team champions….NOT ONLY a man who I had a vicious feud with… but two members of a faction I am currently locked in a war against. MAN there are a lot of layers here.” Josh says running a hand through his hair.
“What I want to say to Jack is… I’m really looking forward to stepping in the ring with you again. I continue to grow as a competitor and as a person everyday while you…admittedly still keep talking about the exact same thing all the time but still… I respect the heck out of you even if you are a bit of a kolboynick with all of this ‘I get to decide what it means to be a REAL wrestler thing’ you keep droning on about but I digress. I get better every time I step into the ring with Jack and considering the fact that I handed him his first one-on-one singles loss in this company? Yeah, this could get very interesting. I’m heading into this match with two people who I trust more than anyone on the planet, though. I don’t really understand the logic of them booking two of you against all three of us. Doesn’t really seem fair if you think about it.” Josh says, running his hand through his hair in confusion.
“But then we come to your partner and uh… Well he’s certainly not looking as ‘Kingly’ as he used to. I really don’t get you two. Disparaging the titles you’ve won only makes you both look bad in the long run. Matthew seems unable to take responsibility for any of his failures and if he were able to turn that around I bet he’d be in a better place in this company than he currently is but no…. according to Matthew nothing that happens to him is his fault. It’s all just a conspiracy against him. That logic doesn’t help you improve. That logic is how you stagnate, crash, and burn. I was ready to blame everybody for my failure when I lost the Five Lakes title. I had no one but myself to blame in the end and that reflection has made me a better person. It doesn’t help Superman to just….not acknowledge the existence of Kryptonite.” Josh says.
“The Radicalliance represents more than a goofy obsession with the 80’s. We represent a desire to exacerbate competition in the tag division and bring it to the forefront. Matt Shields openly mocking the title is counterproductive to our mission statement. I look at the tag team line-up in NGW and….with all respect to my stablemates in the Guardians… random stablemates selected by bookers instead of paired together by choice do NOT a great tag team make. We may not even be close to next in line but The Radicalliance is coming for those tag titles and once we have them? It will be the dawn of the second Radditude Era.” Josh says with a smirk. He looks up at the mannequin once more.
“Failure is always an option, but in this instance? I’m not gonna say that it’s likely.” Josh says with a smile.
Josh’s phone buzzes and he takes it out and has a quick look.
"So uh…I’m gonna go. Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance Day and twitter just informed me that the Vice President has applied Christian resurrection logic to the death of 6 Million Jewish men, women, and children. Yeah, no I have to go write something about that now. Keep it Radical, folks!” Josh says before walking offscreen, the camera lingers on a shot of the new exhibit at the Museum of Failure before we fade to black.