Post by KEG on Jan 20, 2018 15:15:17 GMT -5
(The scene opens to static before turning black. The scene starts to fade in to the setting of…a RETIREMENT HOME?! This looks familiar to the wrestling marks out there. Suddenly, KEG comes into the picture as he stands outside the retirement home. He has a bottle of Old No.7 in hand as he takes a swig. He looks at the facility and then turns to the camera and begins speaking…)
KEG: Ah, it's good to be back home. So.. does this place look familiar to any of you out there? Now KEG can’t blame you if you don’t remember, but there is at least one person out there that should. Blazer, remember this place? Well you should. Nah, neither you or this drunken bastard have been residing here…yet. But a few other of our rasslin’ buddies have. Some guys that go by the name Carmine Reaper, John William Kingsley, and Prince Wadjethotep do. Startin’ to ring a bell there, Jew? This is the place that all old, broken down wrestlers go. Now both of us ain't old...yet. But here's the deal with you, we both know that you're gonna spend your time tryin' to get back this belt. I know you won it back as the Next Gen Championship, or whatever name it was given back then, but I don't give a damn. All I know it as is the Five Lakes Championship and it's MY title. I am the guy who has held the title more than anyone else and it belongs around my waist from now and forever. So Josh, I don't want to wish you luck, because ya will need a hell of a lot more than that to beat my ass on my way back to get that damn belt. Which brings this drunken bastard to his stop on this trip down memory lane…
(The scene fades to black and then quickly fades back into focus. Now we see KEG standing in front of some sort of other facility. As the camera pans the area, we see a rather large sign that reads…)
KEG: Now KEG sure as hell knows that you damn sure remember this, Jazmyn. The Betty Ford Clinic. Every single man and woman in NGW knows about the BS you went through in GCW, but not many people know what you went through after it. You went down a dark path and became something that you didn't want to, which is a straight up crack smoking addict. It's okay. No one here is judging you, because we all go through our own shit, but the fact that you decided to pick up a crack pipe from another junkie on the street and smoke from it, is just really sad. I know that you'll deny it, but everyone can tell you were on crack just by looking at that wrinkled, saggy turkey neck that you have underneath that shirt. Ya look like a straight up Betty White without the great rack of tits to stare at. But hey, at least you weren't like the next guy that everyone hates. Just what it The Drunk One talkin’ ‘bout? Time for our last and final stop on this trip down drunken memory lane…
(The scene fades out once more, but quickly fades back in to the blue sky. Some clouds are hovering above. As the camera widens it’s shot, we start to see where we actually are. Then the camera cuts to a ground level shot…well not really ground level. Cuz you see, we’re atop a cliff in the Grand Canyon. And there’s KEG, standing there with his bottle of Old No.7. He takes a swig…a long swig and then begins speaking…)
KEG: The Grand Fuckin’ Canyon. This is where Alan Envy made his first debut. No, not in the ring, but this is where his dad knocked up his mom and they were both cousins. You can tell that Alan is a product of inbreeding because of that shitty dumb look on his face, the sloping, long forehead and the everpresent stench that comes off of him. Right there in the filthy dirt is where he was conceived and nine months later out popped a filthy, dirty, reptilian looking bastard straight out of his mother's filthy, dirty, reptilian looking vagina. It's really sad to think that Alan thinks he stands a god damn chance at winning our match. It just ain't gonna happen son, so you mnight as well just quit trying right now before it gets embarrassing.
(The scene fades out from the Grand Canyon and then quickly fades back in to a trash filled alley. Puddles of nasty, disgusting water are all around the narrow alley and this is where KEG is seen standing with a disgusted grimace on his face.)
KEG: This alley is the first place that Billy Danielson realized he wanted to be a wrestler. Ya see, everybody knows about his time in Seattle Pro and UWL and that's fine, both are respectable places. But this place isn't as respectable. See, Billy was paid $20 by a hobo to wrestle naked. Now Billy wasn't sure at first, but deep down inside, Billy really wanted to see this hobo naked. I ain't one to judge, so it ain't none of my business, but I also don't want to get Hepatitis from this nasty bastard.
Now KEG has been a forgivin’ bastard throughout his drunken life. But not this time to all of you. Blazer, Jazmyn, Billy, Alan, and . NOT FUCKIN’ THIS TIME! Josh, He has watched your chicken smellin’ ass run and run fast for the border. But now, there’s no where to run. There’s no where to hide. Hell, there’s no way from preventin’ KEG from tearin’ you a new asshole bigger than that god-forsaken canyon.
What are you gonna do Envy? Are you gonna call Devlin and tell him you’re sick and can’t make it Sunday night? Are you gonna run for to the airport and buy yourself a one-way ticket to furthest possible place for KEG to reach you? Hell, seein’ how you look like a weasely chicken shit, this drunken bastard wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. And that’s why everyone who looks at you…every fan that witnesses your sorry ass walk into a ring…every person who comes across you realizes one thing ‘bout you. No, it ain’t your over whelmin’ stench that makes horse shit smell like an English garden. No, it ain’t your ugly mug or your goofy lookin’ self. What everyone realizes ‘bout you, is that you’re a pussy.
That’s why, KEG is gonna make damn sure that he doesn’t only whoop your sorry ass and all the others from pillar to fuckin’ post, but make damn sure that the mere thought of ever…EVER fuckin’ with KEG ‘gain will never cross your minds for the rest of your pathetic lives. But in case ya don't get it, let KEG make somethin’ perfectly clear to you all right here right now.
Come Sunday night, there ain’t gonna be no holdin’ back. Put all the women and children to bed and hide anythin’ not nailed down, cuz once your sorry asses step in my drunken ring…it’s gonna get fuckin’ ugly. KEG is gonna have you wishin’ that your mamas took their damn birth control pill that night the mailman caught her off guard. This is my return to NGW and I ain't gonna start it off by losing this match and losing my opportunity to get MY god damn title back!
(With that, the scene fades out to black.)
KEG: Ah, it's good to be back home. So.. does this place look familiar to any of you out there? Now KEG can’t blame you if you don’t remember, but there is at least one person out there that should. Blazer, remember this place? Well you should. Nah, neither you or this drunken bastard have been residing here…yet. But a few other of our rasslin’ buddies have. Some guys that go by the name Carmine Reaper, John William Kingsley, and Prince Wadjethotep do. Startin’ to ring a bell there, Jew? This is the place that all old, broken down wrestlers go. Now both of us ain't old...yet. But here's the deal with you, we both know that you're gonna spend your time tryin' to get back this belt. I know you won it back as the Next Gen Championship, or whatever name it was given back then, but I don't give a damn. All I know it as is the Five Lakes Championship and it's MY title. I am the guy who has held the title more than anyone else and it belongs around my waist from now and forever. So Josh, I don't want to wish you luck, because ya will need a hell of a lot more than that to beat my ass on my way back to get that damn belt. Which brings this drunken bastard to his stop on this trip down memory lane…
(The scene fades to black and then quickly fades back into focus. Now we see KEG standing in front of some sort of other facility. As the camera pans the area, we see a rather large sign that reads…)
The Betty Ford Clinic
KEG: Now KEG sure as hell knows that you damn sure remember this, Jazmyn. The Betty Ford Clinic. Every single man and woman in NGW knows about the BS you went through in GCW, but not many people know what you went through after it. You went down a dark path and became something that you didn't want to, which is a straight up crack smoking addict. It's okay. No one here is judging you, because we all go through our own shit, but the fact that you decided to pick up a crack pipe from another junkie on the street and smoke from it, is just really sad. I know that you'll deny it, but everyone can tell you were on crack just by looking at that wrinkled, saggy turkey neck that you have underneath that shirt. Ya look like a straight up Betty White without the great rack of tits to stare at. But hey, at least you weren't like the next guy that everyone hates. Just what it The Drunk One talkin’ ‘bout? Time for our last and final stop on this trip down drunken memory lane…
(The scene fades out once more, but quickly fades back in to the blue sky. Some clouds are hovering above. As the camera widens it’s shot, we start to see where we actually are. Then the camera cuts to a ground level shot…well not really ground level. Cuz you see, we’re atop a cliff in the Grand Canyon. And there’s KEG, standing there with his bottle of Old No.7. He takes a swig…a long swig and then begins speaking…)
KEG: The Grand Fuckin’ Canyon. This is where Alan Envy made his first debut. No, not in the ring, but this is where his dad knocked up his mom and they were both cousins. You can tell that Alan is a product of inbreeding because of that shitty dumb look on his face, the sloping, long forehead and the everpresent stench that comes off of him. Right there in the filthy dirt is where he was conceived and nine months later out popped a filthy, dirty, reptilian looking bastard straight out of his mother's filthy, dirty, reptilian looking vagina. It's really sad to think that Alan thinks he stands a god damn chance at winning our match. It just ain't gonna happen son, so you mnight as well just quit trying right now before it gets embarrassing.
(The scene fades out from the Grand Canyon and then quickly fades back in to a trash filled alley. Puddles of nasty, disgusting water are all around the narrow alley and this is where KEG is seen standing with a disgusted grimace on his face.)
KEG: This alley is the first place that Billy Danielson realized he wanted to be a wrestler. Ya see, everybody knows about his time in Seattle Pro and UWL and that's fine, both are respectable places. But this place isn't as respectable. See, Billy was paid $20 by a hobo to wrestle naked. Now Billy wasn't sure at first, but deep down inside, Billy really wanted to see this hobo naked. I ain't one to judge, so it ain't none of my business, but I also don't want to get Hepatitis from this nasty bastard.
Now KEG has been a forgivin’ bastard throughout his drunken life. But not this time to all of you. Blazer, Jazmyn, Billy, Alan, and . NOT FUCKIN’ THIS TIME! Josh, He has watched your chicken smellin’ ass run and run fast for the border. But now, there’s no where to run. There’s no where to hide. Hell, there’s no way from preventin’ KEG from tearin’ you a new asshole bigger than that god-forsaken canyon.
What are you gonna do Envy? Are you gonna call Devlin and tell him you’re sick and can’t make it Sunday night? Are you gonna run for to the airport and buy yourself a one-way ticket to furthest possible place for KEG to reach you? Hell, seein’ how you look like a weasely chicken shit, this drunken bastard wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. And that’s why everyone who looks at you…every fan that witnesses your sorry ass walk into a ring…every person who comes across you realizes one thing ‘bout you. No, it ain’t your over whelmin’ stench that makes horse shit smell like an English garden. No, it ain’t your ugly mug or your goofy lookin’ self. What everyone realizes ‘bout you, is that you’re a pussy.
That’s why, KEG is gonna make damn sure that he doesn’t only whoop your sorry ass and all the others from pillar to fuckin’ post, but make damn sure that the mere thought of ever…EVER fuckin’ with KEG ‘gain will never cross your minds for the rest of your pathetic lives. But in case ya don't get it, let KEG make somethin’ perfectly clear to you all right here right now.
Come Sunday night, there ain’t gonna be no holdin’ back. Put all the women and children to bed and hide anythin’ not nailed down, cuz once your sorry asses step in my drunken ring…it’s gonna get fuckin’ ugly. KEG is gonna have you wishin’ that your mamas took their damn birth control pill that night the mailman caught her off guard. This is my return to NGW and I ain't gonna start it off by losing this match and losing my opportunity to get MY god damn title back!
(With that, the scene fades out to black.)
