'The Jew Blazer' Josh Goldstein- The Doggo Incentive

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Josh asks Ronnie. Josh was in a room in a secured straightjacket.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Ronnie responds. They were communicating to each other through headsets as Josh was in a secure room.

“That’s what you said about the matching tattoos we have on our butts and I’m pretty sure that guy spelled ‘Radical’ wrong on mine. R A D I C O L. Pretty sure that isn’t supposed to be an O.” Josh says.

“I mean, how often do you show people your butt?” Ronnie asks.

“I think that’s a little beside the point.” Josh says.

“Look it’s probably super easy to get a lowercase ‘O’ changed to a lowercase ‘A’. We can see a guy after this. I still don’t see what the big deal is.” Ronnie says.

“Easy for you to say, that guy apparently got spell check by the time it was your turn.” Josh says, folding his arms.

“Are you gonna be fussy about your butt tattoo or are we gonna get down to business?” Ronnie asks.

“To defeat the Huns?” Josh asks.

“Sure Josh…sure.” Ronnie says.

“What exactly am I trying to accomplish here?” Ronnie asks.

“You need to learn how to shoot on people and really hit them where it hurts. I figured we’ve faced Rebel Ink enough times that you might have some choice barbs to say.” Ronnie says.

“Ronnie…I don’t dislike Damon. Heck, I don’t really dislike ANYBODY. Everyone is the way they are for a reason and all they need is a little understanding and kindness to get better. Except for Julianna DiMaria. She is literally the worst person and I assume exists only to test my boundless optimism to its very limit and I’ll not allow her to rain on my happy times.” Josh says.

“Weren’t you a dick to like, everybody a few months ago?” Ronnie asks.

“Weren’t you trying to stop me?” Josh responds.

“Solid point. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to be able to bring the fire every once in a while.” Ronnie says.

“We didn’t start the fire…” Josh says, singing to himself.

“Josh…”

“It was always burnin since the World’s been turnin.” Josh adds.

“Are you gonna take this seriously?” Ronnie asks.

“I take every opponent seriously… but I’m also so fricking happy I get to spend two shows in a row not wrapped up in Destroyers garbage. Plus it’s my next stop on the ‘Jew Blazer faces off against former Radicalliance opponents World Tour’! I get to show how far I’ve come since those days. I already made quick work of the former leader of the Black Light District and now I get to face off against one half of Rebel Ink! If I beat Damon maybe I can move on to Daisy and show how far I’ve come… plus I kinda owe her. I thought she was a super cool person until she organized beating me half to death with chairs in Warfare. Kinda makes me feel like she isn’t as cool with me as she lets on to be.” Josh says.

“Doesn’t that make you wanna say negative things about her?” Ronnie asks, hopeful that he’s broken through to Josh. Josh just shrugs in response.


“Alright. You leave me no choice Josh.” Ronnie says with a sigh. He presses a button on the wall and a small door opens.

“What is this?” Josh asks, quickly answered as two German Shepherds enter the room.

“Those are trained police dogs and they are trained to attack. We’ve given them the scent of a Reuben Sandwich on Jewish Rye and Ecto Cooler Hi-C.” Ronnie says.

“You’ve duplicated my exceptionally radical musk!” Josh says.

“Of course I have, we’re best friends. And best friends know each other’s scents and occasionally use police dogs to make a point with each other.” Ronnie says.

“And…what is that point exactly?” Josh says, cautiously backing up to the wall, the dogs growling and slowly approaching him.

“Say something truly wounding about your opponent this week and I’ll call off the dogs.” Ronnie says.

“Really?”

One of the dogs barks.

“Yeah. Really.” Ronnie says.

“Uhm….uh….he seems like he wouldn’t be a very good tipper!” Josh says, shuffling to a corner and sidestepping to dodge one of the dogs and move away from the other, circling around the table in the center of the room.
“Pure conjecture. Come on, you can do better than that!” Ronnie says.
“Why is his hair so greasy?! Who needs that much grease in their hair?!” Josh says, still maneuvering around the trained attack dogs.

“That’s it…keep going.” Ronnie urges. Josh is backed into a corner.

“I….I….AAAAAAARGH!” Josh says. The dogs close in on him and pounce on him. His screams of terror quickly transform into happy giggling as the dogs licks his face and wrassle with him on the ground.

“God dammit...I forgot that somehow all animals love you.” Ronnie says.

“Who's a good pupper! Aren'y you both just the cutest Doggos? You have to free my hands! I want to pet and hug them so bad!” Josh says.

“Not until you say something about Damon!” Ronnie responds.

“Uhm….well he hasn’t had much luck since he hasn’t been tagging with Aurora it seems. There, is that good?” Josh says.

“I mean…everyone has noticed that but I guess that’ll have to do.” Ronnie says with a sigh. A police officer enters the room and undoes the straightjacket and Josh takes his time petting and hugging on the two dogs.

“What are their names?” Josh asks the Cop.

“Killer and Bitey.” The Cop says, amazed by how playful the dogs are being.

“Adorable!” Josh says, rubbing both of their tummies. The Cop shakes his head in disbelief as he leaves Josh to play with the dogs.

“I don’t really see why I have to poke fun at people, Ronnie. I’m gonna go out there and I’m gonna fight him and I’m gonna do my best to win. A few insults aren’t gonna change anything about that so I really don’t see the point.” Josh says, scratching behind the ears of ‘Bitey’.

“I mean….fair enough I guess.” Ronnie says with a shrug.

“Can we go fix the spelling error on my butt now?” Josh asks.

“Probably a better idea to wait til after your match. Don’t want to get slammed on a fresh butt tattoo.” Ronnie says.
Josh shrugs. Probably a good call.