Johnny Maverick- Terms of Psychic Warfare

‘You occupied my space and you occupied your mind
By jumping off the roof to the first conclusion you can find’

“I mean seriously. Tell me THIS isn’t a fucking t-shirt.” Johnny says, holding up both of his middle fingers which were each in a splint.

“Look, I’m just as confused as the rest of you about how the fuck I ended up here.” Johnny Maverick adds. We are in his Mind Palace, previously established to either be a manifestation of the Psychic Warrior’s mind OR a public television station in Washington DC. Really there’s no way of telling which unless you’ve been there.

“If you were to ask me how I ended up with another shot at the title I’d respond with a shrug of my shoulders and that confused noise that sounds kinda like ‘I dunno’ that doesn’t really have any consonants but you can tell what someone is saying when they say it. Sounds sort of like they’re saying ‘Iowa’. You know the noise. I mean as far as I can remember I haven’t blown anybody in a position of authority recently.” Johnny says, he stops to think for a moment.

“Wait….no no no I ALMOST blew that guy but then I found out you can just BUY a Chicken, Bacon, and Ranch sub at Subway. You have been thwarted by capitalism, pervy sandwich guy! Johnny Maverick and the market prevail once again, and the only inches to pass the maw of the Psychic Warrior have been 12 glorious inches of bread, fat and sodium heavy Ranch Dressing, bacon that is heavy on artificial smoke flavoring, and slimy chicken that a corporation has tricked the world into believing is healthy with the help of a slim pedophile! Honestly health-wise I probably would have been better off if I had just blown that guy and let him keep his sandwich. There’s something to be learned from this story.” Johnny says with a nod. We can see lights in the room flicker as Johnny attempts to find any meaning in what he just said.

“You know what? That’s probably a lie. You could probably safely ignore this part of the promo. Anyway… greetings Brothers and Sisters, Friends and Neighbors, fellow vibrations in the mind of the one true God whose name is ‘Love’. My name is Johnny Maverick. I usually do this part at the beginning but I had other things to say first and also I forgot.” Johnny says. He gives a big thumbs up and a smile.

“You know what the weirdest thing about all of this is? I used to like Kayla. She stood by her man when he got bonked on the head and thought he was a King during a period of her life she can probably write off on her taxes as ‘Charity work’ for how nice she was to that guy. Two title shots against the same person this close together IS pretty insane. I mean, not as insane as the umpteen shots Yujiro Fujiwara was given against Matt. I was actually kinda on your guys’ side in regards to that but… I had some respect for you. You talked like you belonged here and like you deserved that belt and you could have been something great and then… you became Matthew Shields the sequel. Diet Matthew Shields. Honestly it’s becoming harder and harder to remember why I ever liked you and I think the world feels the same way. It’ll be embarrassing to admit you were ever a Kayla Richards fan in 2018 when only a year prior she was on top of the world. Kayla Richards is the Limp Bizkit of people.” Johnny says.

“Every other week you and your crew of idiots tell me you’re going to break me or ruin me. Cause me such grievous bodily harm that I’ll never work in this industry again and every other week I show back up with a smile on my face. You are given chance after chance to ‘Destroy’ me and you piss it right down your leg. Oh, and unfortunately for you guys… I’m not fucking retiring or leaving this company anytime soon. Jack Tillman is the best of you and I knocked his punk ass out. Now if I was some kinda shit-stirrer I’d ask questions like ‘Why wasn’t Jack Tillman offered a World Title shot if he had beaten me’ but we all know the answer to that question. Don’t we? It’s because part of the reason this ‘family’ of yours exists is because you want to convince people much more talented than you that the REAL enemy is the Guardians while you get to rack up wins against perceived ‘nobodies’ like me. Adrien Cochrane is the REAL bad guy you guys. We’re going to Iraq because of terrorism and not oil. It’s funny you should mention The Guardians kicking our asses at Warfare because WE’RE GOING TO MARS.” Johnny says, pulling down a drawstring that reveals a picture of Mars with a Destroyers logo on it.

“Let me clear up a few inconsistencies in your thought process. I’m not Trixie. I dunno what I did to earn this title shot but it was given to me by a dude who doesn’t like me. Secondly? Everything you think about me I have allowed you to think. The great things about the terms of Psychic Warfare are that I don’t have to fucking tell you what they are. That’s why I can tweet sad messages about being on the brink of retirement with a shit-eating grin on my face. You guys thought I was talking about mental telepathy and mind control when I say I’m a Psychic Warrior? That’s funny. The primary weapon of the Psychic Warrior is this.” Johnny says, taking out his iPhone X and holding it up. He tweets a joke about eating placenta before putting his phone back in his pocket.

“Or maybe that’s all bullshit and you’re up against a washed-up piece of shit. Who can say, really? What I do know is what I said a few weeks ago. I’m the motherfucker who keeps charging headfirst at the wall while everyone else stops after one try. Maybe that makes me stupid. Maybe that makes me determined. I dunno what it makes me. I’m certainly not throwing away my shot. I’ve got Jack Tillman’s cerebrospinal fluid still drying on my gloves and enough blind stupid fight in me that I’m looking at that wall again like ‘Y’know I feel like I made a dent last time‘. I never give up, I never surrender, and I never relent and that’s not a catchphrase so much as what someone is going to have to explain to a coroner one day as they’re trying to figure out how much of my remains they can get away from a cyborg bear with a world title. I had this funny feeling as I was standing over the unconscious form of Jack Tillman whose mouth guard I knocked into the nosebleeds… maybe I’m done running at the wall over and over again. Maybe it’s about time I became the wall. You know I really like the sound of that. In 2017 I had a vision of my arm being raised as I held the NGW World Title. I see it every time I close my eyes. If there was a time to be through fucking around I have found it. It is time for the roles to switch. It’s my turn to watch as Kayla Richards breaks herself against me.” Johnny Maverick says. He goes to gesture but notices his hands. He shrugs and takes the splints off of his fingers. Once he is satisfied he gestures to the camera with a roll of his fingers.

“Psychic Warfare is Real.” Johnny says with a smirk before we fade out.