Nerd Paladin, Level Up! | File 004: Christmas

Within a dark hallway, a single light illuminates right above a mistletoe.

From the darkness, Jessica Nitoh steps forward and stands underneath the mistletoe. She’s wearing a full Santa-themed dress with black leggings and black fuzzy boots. The Santa hat is cutely tilted on top of her head of blonde hair and her soft blue eyes look around in wonder. She’s still oblivious to the mistletoe hanging above her head.

“I’ll be honest… I’m not sure where to begin. What kind of promo do you shoot when your opponents are diagnosed with ASOD, Adrien-Super-Obsessive Disorder? Tonight is the Eve of Christmas, the holiday of giving, but I don’t feel like giving two fu--”

She catches herself and clears her throat. There is a small noise outside somewhere. Probably nothing important. She continues without a second thought.

“--furballs about Matthew Shields and Kayla Richards. What have they done to deserve any presents this year? All they’ve done is cry foul every time the Guardians foil their plans for WORLD DOMINATION, cheat to win because they have no real skill or technique to earn their victories, and bitch about the name of the company. Let’s face it, they don’t want to accept the New Generation because they’re stuck in the past without the T.A.R.D.I.S. or Hiro Nakamura.”

It seemed like that noise went away but it started up again. Are those... Sleigh bells? Suddenly the lights come on and Jessica groans.

“What the--”

Despite the unprofessionalism of it, several members of the NGW staff cut past Jessica while she is on camera. What could they be running from?

“MORE HOLIDAY CHEER THAN YOUR MOUTH CAN HANDLE!!!”

Oh.

Santa Johnny is on a Holiday Rampage once again, firing his cannon of Christmas Goodies in random directions. The camera is knocked over by a plush unicorn and we get a ‘Technical Difficulties’ sign before we are returned to our scheduled programming of Santa Johnny smiling while Jessica seems slightly annoyed.

“Johnny, I’m in the middle of recording. Do you really have to do this now…?”

She should have expected this. After all, they’re a few minutes away from the start of Dissension. Parting her lips, Jessica sighs and tries to recover her speech.

“Time and time again, my opponents make the same mistakes. They ignore me, overlook me, and completely underestimate me. It’s a mistake I’ve made them pay for every single time, but tonight… I don’t know. Matthew bores me. Kayla bores me. It’s the same ol’ wah-wah, cry, cry, bitch, bitch, bitch. They’re boring and predictable.”

She covers her mouth and makes an exaggerated yawn, but before she can continue...

“They’re definitely on the f***ing naughty list, I can tell you that much. Wait, do they censor your promos? That's f***ed up. They let me say whatever the f*** I want. T**t. C**t.”

Johnny seems upset by his inability to swear even though by all logic he shouldn’t be able to tell they were censoring him. Logic is no friend to Santa Johnny. Raising an eyebrow, Jessica adjusts her Santa hat, but the tail end of it still cutely tilted to the side.

“As far as I know, they’re only censoring you…”

“F*** it. Anyway. Got you this.”

Johnny hands Jess a little plush peach with an adorable little anime face.

“And now I must away to see how much Christmas cheer I can spread in Devlin’s office! ON DASHER AND DANCER AND….THOMAS AND… F*** IT ALL THE OTHER ONES.”

Santa Johnny stomps his way off screen and as soon as he is off-camera we hear something expensive break. Jessica looks on, awestruck and dumbfounded at the same time.

“Dan...ke?”

She awkwardly thanks him in her native tongue and glances down at the kawaii anime plush peach. Once Santa Johnny has taken his leave, Victor Mason enters the scene. Surprisingly he is embracing the Christmas spirit by wearing a Santa themed version of the business suits he normally wears on screen. He stands next to Jessica, also naive to the fact he is standing under the mistletoe.

“So... the common theme Kayla and Matthew are running with is using every cliche rant in the book to discredit Jessica. From common tropes like relevancy to being a replacement to taking the far more personal route of talking about the individuals she has been connected to. Then you have your standard fare of Jessica’s opponents following the script, which isn’t entertaining by the way. You can’t expect much imagination from individuals with small minds.”

Victor smirks. Jessica looks at him surprised by his words, mainly because he is rarely that harsh. He clears his throat.

“Allow me to dispense a simple bit of logic. I’m dispensing this knowledge hopefully in simple enough terms. Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Repeating the same mistake over and over again believing the result will be different, it is the equivalent of running your head into a wall believing the wall will shatter. Throughout Jessica’s career, she has proven the perception of her opponents wrong. She is a former World Champion, I was under the assumption esteemed athletes like yourselves would respect that.

Of course not, you devalue Jess. You place Adrien on a pedestal that he does deserve to be placed on, by the way. The mistake you two are making that everyone else has made is failing to realize Jessica and Adrien are equals. There is no second fiddle. No one is carrying anyone. All the Guardians, I might add, are on equal footing. And yet, your attitude, whether through ignorance or your belief that your rhetoric is the most suitable way to get people to tune into a match that needs no additional hype, I assure you, it doesn’t matter why you feel the way you do.

Just know, you two may fashion yourselves to be an elite tandem. However, you two don’t carry yourselves as such. Adrien and Jessica do. Kayla, whether it's you or your insignificant lover staring up at the lights, the Guardian's will give you another reason to throw a hissy fit. The Guardians aren’t going anywhere.

Deal. With. It.”

Victor winks. Jessica’s astounded, taken aback by the vicious streak of her longtime friend and manager’s words. But the surprise is pleasant, a happy grin crossing her face.

“I’m lost for words. I can’t think of anything better to say. Victor, take a bow!”

Victor doesn’t hesitate to perform a quick bow. When he stands up straight, he finally notices he and Jessica are standing under the mistletoe.

“WELL WELL WELL…”

Santa Johnny walks back onto the scene as if he has caught a pair of criminals in the act.

“Look at you two. Standing here in FLAGRANT defiance of a Christmas tradition. Shame on the both of you.”

Finally, Jessica looks up and catches sight of the mistletoe. A light blush crosses her face as Santa Johnny steps between her and Victor and puts an arm around each of them. They both seem confused.

“Ya see...in my jolly jurisdiction… ain't nobody stands under mistletoe without doing what two people do under the mistletoe. Now, unless you REALLY want me to kiss your handsome friend here, Jessica… Which, if we’re being honest? Way into it… then there’s something that needs to be done.”

Santa Johnny gives them both a firm clap on the back before wandering off again, whistling ‘Jingle Bells’ to himself. Jessica and Victor both look up at the mistletoe before we hear something break again.

“That one was actually an accident and Santa Johnny apologizes.”

And now they were finally free of the Nihilistic holiday mascot, both under the mistletoe. Relieved Santa Johnny has gone away, Victor leans down to give Jessica a sensual kiss on the lips. At first, Jessica’s eyes widen in surprise. The camera is still recording and yet there’s no hesitation. A sweet smile forms on her lips and she kisses him in return. With the peach plushie still in her right hand, she wraps her arms around his neck and leans into him. When the kiss finally breaks, that gentle red hue caresses her cheeks.

“Johnny called you handsome, Victor…”

She giggles softly.

“He’s not wrong.”

She leans in, and before the scenario continues, the lights go out.

♥