Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Nov 6, 2016 18:13:12 GMT -5
'The Prince of Pleasure' Ronnie North
The Campaign Trail
The Campaign Trail
“I'm pretty sure your focus isn't in the right place.” Josh says to Ronnie, who was talking into a Bluetooth headset, wearing a campaign button and suit.
“Uh-huh. I couldn't agree more. We need to start campaigning at truck stops. Lonely truckers make up a solid percentage of my audience on PornProParodyWrestling.com and we need those votes for this election.” Ronnie says.
“Are you really expecting to win this election and become the President?” Josh asks.
“If I'm being honest no, but I've got a lot of money riding on a bet that says I can't get more than one percent of the write-in votes.” Ronnie says. Josh yanks the bluetooth off of Ronnie's head.
“This...this isn't even on.” Josh says.
“It makes me feel important just to have it.” Ronnie says. Josh rolls his eyes.
“Look, as long as you can promise to stick to the issues, I'll go along with this whole campaigning thing.” Josh says.
“Issues? What issues? I want enough money to pay for the 'International Ronnie North Fuck Jamboree and Ice Cream Social.'” Ronnie says.
“Ice Cream Social?” Josh asks.
“Yes. Ice Cream and a variety of toppings in a social setting.” Ronnie adds.
“Gummy bears?” Josh asks.
“What do I look like, some kind of monster? Of COURSE there will be gummy bears.” Ronnie says. Josh narrows his eyes at Ronnie and nods emphatically.
“Let's get you that 1% then, Ronnie.” Josh says before giving him a firm handshake.
-SCENE BREAK-
We open back up on Ronnie North, with his vice presidential candidate The Jew Blazer wearing a uh....blazer over his superhero attire complete with a hastily knotted tie.
“Don't you know how to tie a tie?” Ronnie says to the Blazer.
“I do, but I asked you to help because we don't have a mirror and you did just....just a terrible job.” The Blazer responds.
“Anyway, we're here at a Truck Stop in Oklahoma campaigning with free offerings of beef jerky and hardcore pornography to help out these lonely truckers.” Ronnie says, handing a passing trucker a baggy of Jerky, a DVD, and a campaign flier.
“I'm pretty sure this is bribery, Ronnie.” The Blazer responds.
“One percent, my dude. One percent.” Ronnie says. The Jew Blazer is about to say something else but he feels the caress of a lonely trucker on his cheek.
“Yer real pretty, Jew-Boy. I like yer spandex.” The Trucker says.
“I uh... excuse me for just a moment. I'll be right back.” The Jew Blazer says before walking off camera. He runs back on camera to kick the trucker hard in the face.
“CHUTZPAH BOOT!” The Jew Blazer announces as he nails the trucker with a kick and he then stares down the remaining truckers as a warning.
“Please stop kicking the heads off of my constituency!” Ronnie says. The Jew Blazer folds his arms in defiance of Ronnie's order.
“If your constituency continues being rapey then I really can't promise that.” The Jew Blazer says.
“Look, this match against Chaos Love isn't going to be a problem man, as we've already established, Daisy is super into me in a very real way that she is super unwilling to admit because of her husband and so long as we have that on her side we will reign supreme. I mean, she was able to restrain herself last time we faced but you can tell her restraint is wearing thin. Soon she'll be in the ring with me once more and she'll have to surrender to her desires.” Ronnie says confidently.
“Yuh-huh.” The Jew Blazer says.
“What's the deal, JB? You've been a little out-of-sorts lately.” Ronnie says.
“Look, I don't have any delusions about how things have been going since we started here at Redemption. We went from being the greatest tag team in IPW history to being the first team eliminated on the first show. That sucked. We need this win or I may as well go back to work at the video game store.” The Blazer says, it's one of the first real moments of negativity we had ever heard from the Jew Blazer.
“Hey buddy, cool your jets. No one is going back to their boring retail job. We've got this. Chaos Love KNOWS we've got their number when it comes to straight up tag tram matches. We're gonna get this win and be back in the title picture before you can say 'Ice Cream Social'” Ronnie says. The Blazer thinks a moment and then nods in agreement.
“Now lets pass out more jerky and porn so I can win this bet.” Ronnie says.
The Blazer rolls his eyes once more and resumes helping Ronnie.
-END-
