Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Nov 26, 2017 17:04:34 GMT -5
JOHNNY MAVERICK
...is a smiley idiot because he knows it pisses you off.
AKA
The only 'Misconception' here is the one everyone prays for when Matt goofs in Kayla.
AKA
'Then, Tragedy Struck'? More like 'Then, Matty did Suck'
AKA
Dropkicks U Guise
'Here are some song lyrics
That may or may not be vaguely related to this match.
I like big butts and I can not lie.
You other brothers can't deny.'
We open on Johnny, smiling wide.
"Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and Neighbors, fellow vibrations in the mind of the one true God whose name is Love. A lot of you may be asking right now 'Johnny you beautiful mammoth-cocked dynamo, how can you be so happy after Kayla beat you at Dissension' and that's where I'd have to stop you. Because see... Kayla may have won, but she didn't even come CLOSE to beating me. Kayla gloats about a win over me like she was hot shit when she barely squeaked out a win and had to get her feet on the ropes to pin me. Did someone give these guys the wrong definition of Destroying? Because given their track record their group may need to change their name to the 'Oh-Fuck-Just-Barely's'. You guys couldn't destroy a styrofoam cup with cleats on. You guys couldn't destroy an overweight SNL cast member if you shit cocaine. You guys couldn't destroy me and according to you I'm a useless fly and breaking me takes as little effort as it does to breathe. Funny that you keep bringing that up no matter how many times it makes you look like a gang of fucking sub-wits every time I show up again smiling right in your god damn faces." Johnny Maverick says with his signature smile still on his face. We were in his 'Mind Palace' and he was standing in front of a glorious painting of him riding a bear naked holding up the NGW World Title. He walks over to another painting. This one a portrait of Kayla Richards desperately clutching her title belt.
"Unfortunately for Kayla, pro wrestling is not a 'who had the worst dad' contest so I couldn't give two tugs of Archie Bunkers dead cock if you walked in on your dad fucking the mailman in a Mickey Mouse mask the day you were supposed to go to Disneyland. I'm sure your backstory is tragic and brooding and SUPER worthy of that Watchmen quote you butchered but that shit is all flavor text to me in the end. I'd rather hear you babble on about how everybody wants to fuck you like you seem to do more and more lately and sorry to say but every tattooed raven-haired post-goth alt chick in this industry is starting to run together in my head and I bet over three-quarters of them have a Mickey Mouse buttfucking story." Johnny says. Johnny moves on to a third painting. This one a picture of Matthew Shields sitting at a booth selling 'FUCK NGW' shirts and wearing a frowning hockey mask as his booth is covered in signs indicating '99% off' discounts.
"You know what's an underrated movie? Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. I think we can all agree it was a bold step taking Jason Voorhees out of his natural environment but it was even bolder when the masked maniac began to protest that he had been taken away from his home at Camp Crystal Lake and began protesting his relocation to Manhattan to the point that everyone began avoiding him because it was all he talked about and eventually everyone just got really sad and wished he could be an awesome killer like before but instead he just kept talking about that while his girlfriend did all the killing and...oh wait... no sorry I'm talking about a movie nobody would want to fucking watch EVER. What happened to you, Man? I was pumped from day one here to face Matthew Shields not this sad parody of him. I don't know who the fuck this guy is. If I had a chance to face the guy from a year ago? I'd be tripping over myself to tell you guys what a fucking match this would be. I'd be worried about stepping into the ring with Redemption Wrestling Champion Matt Shields but...Fuck NGW Matt Shields? Meh. Don't get it twisted, Matt. This isn't me saying you're right about Redemption Fed being 'superior' because I could change my name to Reginald Dingleberry the Fourth and I'd still kick ass... you could still be Great if you joined us in the real world and stopped blaming all your faults on a company changing names. You played yourself, Matt. Congratulations. MEMES." Johnny says. He moves on to a painting of Adrien Cochrane. The painting depicts Adrien standing under a rainbow that has candy pouring out of it with a smile on his face giving a big thumbs up.
"And now we arrive at Adrien. Great dude. One of the small handful of friends I have in this company... Adrien wants to play nice and tell everyone everything is rainbows and lollipops butt how is that attitude going to hold up in adversity. There's going to come a time when your Guardians are going to need to do more than 'Believe' Adrien and I have to ask are you prepared to be their leader in that moment? Eddie has a lot of clients and he can't do everything for you. I don't want to see you crack under the pressure, Adrien...but I know it's a very possible outcome. You're at war and I sure as fuck haven't seen you act like it. You've proven yourself an ally and now it's time to prove yourself a worthy opponent. I'm your friend but when that bell rings I'm going to fight you like you're a distraught child's mental image of their dad fucking the mailman with a Mickey Mouse mask on. Yeah, I brought it up again. Deal with it." Johnny says. He moves over to his throne and sits down.
"You are all more than capable opponents that I'm honored to share a ring with but you all lack an inherent trait that will be key to success in this match. No matter how hard you hope... oh wait sorry we aren't' supposed to say that anymore. No matter how much you wish or pray or HASHTAG BELIEVE... none of you are Johnny Goddamn Maverick. Wrestlings unkillable cockroach. Psychic Warfare is Real." Johnny says with a smirk and a wink.
'Here are more song lyrics at the end.
The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka
Skidiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom
Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun
Poom, poom, you don' know'
