Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Nov 12, 2017 11:39:49 GMT -5
THE JEW BLAZER
JOSHUA GOLDSTEIN
The Sandwich Ultimatum
'Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."'
-Alan Moore, Watchmen
Joshua Goldstein finally shaved, looking at himself in the mirror and running a hand along his now smooth face. He opens the medicine cabinet and puts his razor and shaving cream away before closing the cabinet.
"That's better!" the voice in the mirror says and Josh releases a rather unmanly yelp, falling backward and landing hard on his butt.
"What the...oh. It's YOU." Joshua says, standing and looking in the mirror to see The Jew Blazer posing heroically with his hands on his hips.
"Hello, mild-mannered Joshua! What would cause you to greet me with such disdain? It is I, The Maccabee Marvel! The Chosen One of the Chosen People! The Jew Blazer!" The costumed man in the mirror says. We hear a fan click on which cause his cape and hair to begin blowing dramatically in the wind.
"Yeah I know who you are...but I really don't think YOU know who you are." Josh says.
"What are you talking about, you handsome devil?" The Jew Blazer responds, winking at him.
"You're a clown. You're a clown who doesn't even know he's a clown. You run around doing silly things because you think it's what people want but they're all just making fun of you." Josh says, getting angry.
"Josh, I do those silly things because they make me happy. That's why we did this to begin with. No one ever MADE us put on this costume. In fact, the fact people mocked us for it made us stronger. We needed that adversity to keep us going and now that we're finally accepted...you just kick me to the side? After all I've done for you?" The Blazer says.
"After all YOU did?! You're just a costume and a bunch of stupid jokes!" Josh says.
"Well between the two of us, one of us has won a singles title so...ya know." Josh says.
"Stop taking credit for that! You're me! We're exactly the same person!" Josh says.
"Maaaaaade you say it." The Blazer says.
Joshua looks furious and stomps out of the bathroom.
"Where ya goin, Josh! Just come back and we'll talk this out, buddy! It's gonna be okay." The Blazer shouts after him. Josh re-enters the room with a sandwich on a plate.
"Got yourself a little lunch there?" The Blazer asks.
"Yup." Josh says determinedly, picking up the sandwich.
"Whatcha got?" The Blazer asks curiously.
"Ham and Cheese sandwich." Josh says.
"Oh well that sounds good, I guess you...What?" The Blazer asks, realizing the grave implications of this sandwich.
"Yeah. Ham and Cheese. A delicious ham sandwich." Josh says.
"You wouldn't dare. What would your mother think if she knew you were saying swear words and eating treif!" The Blazer says, worried about Josh breaking his kosher diet.
"Mom doesn't watch wrestling." Josh says, putting the sandwich to his mouth.
"Wait wait wait! I'll go. It's fine just... just think about this okay? Remember how much fun we had? Remember that kid in the park. I'll never be gone Josh... you do what you have to do. I'll always be here. Okay." The Blazer says. Josh sighs and puts the sandwich back down on the plate.
"I'll take that to mean we have a deal. I'll be seeing you, Josh." The Blazer says before he turns to leave.
"Wait." Josh says. The Blazer turns back around. Josh opens the sandwich for him to see. Turkey. The Blazer chuckles before walking away, leaving the mirror.
Josh sits on the closed toilet seat and takes a bite of his sandwich with a sigh.
__________________________________________________________________________________
-Backstage before Dissension-
"'What's wrong with you?' Is all I hear after last Dissension." Josh says.
"Not 'Hey congratulations on your win' or 'Man you really took it to Tillman' or anything like that. It's been a line of people sad that I'm not going to dress as a Superhero. Do you know how that makes me feel? I mean, you obviously don't care. The only person who's come to see me is Marty and that's because he was in the doghouse for uh...crucifying our friend. Was kinda weird letting him stay here after that but honestly he just kind of showed up for a few days then left and I sorta just shrugged and went along with it." Josh says with a shrug.
"You know what made me feel better than the pity party you all tried to throw for me? Kicking Jack Tillman in the face and then doing the Dreidel Drop to slam the title on him. That felt great. I enjoyed watching him try to give a speech about how great he was while he was bleeding from the mouth and then I enjoyed watching him get beat because I know I had a hand in making it happen. Basically Jack? You are never going to be rid of me. I am going to ruin your career and make you ten times more of a joke then a cape could ever do. Chris Constantine will continue to flaunt your greatness and your physical perfection and yet the scourge of your existence will continue to be the Skinny Jew from Long Island. You will be so thoroughly embarassed that by the time you manage to eke out another win? The whole world is gonna tell you it was a fluke. I may not beat Jessica Nitoh but I am by no means gonna take it easy on her. Because I want you to have to live with me winning a match on a card where you lost and I will do ANYTHING it takes to make that fantasy a reality." Josh says.
"I want my rematch. I want the rubber match...but if I don't get that I will settle for your legacy, Jack. You see when all is said and done my goal is that when people hear the name Joshua Goldstein they'll think of Joshua Goldstein. And when they think of Jack Tillman? They'll think of Joshua Goldstein. I'll see you on the ring, Jess. This is nothing personal." Josh says, knuckling up in his gear.
