Post by jacksantore on Nov 4, 2017 5:19:34 GMT -5
The plastic arrow missed the target entirely and a person cursed in frustration, just out of frame. A second arrow stick to the wall, wide left of the target, the voice frustratingly grunts again. This time the arrow hits the very edge of the target and the voice celebrates their mediocre victory. It’s the voice of Jack Santore, actually. The camera turns around to show Jack with his arms raised up, celebrating. He’s in fatigues and black and green grease paint inside his LA apartment.
”Sorry Jason, I couldn’t make it out to the gun range. I left all of my cool guns back at home. Besides, everyone knows that guns are for bitches and what’s really cool is arrows. I mean Walking Dead, Hunger Games, crossbows are cool. And look at that great shot!”
The camera goes back to the show the hilariously, awful shot.
”I mean, I’m not nearly as cool looking as Jason. He calls himself a “huntress” or is it “the hunter?” No, that’s not right at all.”
Jack mockingly taps a finger to his chin.
”It’ll come to me. And in the meantime I can talk about how you’re going to beat me again, right? How history repeats itself and you’re going to come out and target my injury again. I’m stupid too, isn’t that it? I’m stupid because I didn’t do research. I guess all of the hunters out there take their research really seriously, huh? You should’ve been like a teacher or librarian with how much you just love research. Anyone that doesn’t do research is just really stupid, right? So you think people that don’t do research and don’t learn from history are stupid. Dude, you seriously should have been a teacher! Hunter is probably a bad job considering you were just shooting targets. You weren’t really hunting anything, were you? You could have even gone fishing and maybe that could have been a little intimidating because at least you would be hunting something and something would actually die. What you did was just shoot guns at paper. Well, I guess maybe you hate trees and paper used to be trees so...hey, maybe you hunted the trees before and turned it into paper. You really showed those trees!”
Jack scrunches his face up in a “mean way” to continue to mock Jason Hunter.
”So I need to do my research, right? Okay, let’s see here…”
Jack sits down and opens up his laptop but then darts back to the plastic bow and plastic arrows.
”No! I need to remember the history and practice shooting targets!”
He wildly shoots arrows at the target, all of which fail to even stick to the wall, let alone the target.
”Damn! It’s tough being a hunter, Jason. Just how do you do it? Oh! Yeah, I have to also remember about patterns! Cause you won, then lost, then lost then? Damn, I can’t remember now!”
He stands with his hands on his hips, pretending to be out of breath.
”Okay! So history, patterns and research? Dude, are you sure that you didn’t wanna be a teacher? I bet you did and then you didn’t want to disappoint the other hunters or huntresses so you sadly put away your books and stopped learning to do dirty teacher’s looks.”
He sits down on the couch and wildly shoots arrows at the target again, all failing to hit anything again.
”Damn. I suck at that. I’m also not smart since I don’t like history, research or recognize patterns. I might as well just not show up. Especially because you’re going to target my injury again and I’m just too stupid to stop it. You’re too good, Jason.”
Jack’s demeanor changes now. He’s much more serious and the goofy grin now fades. Jack takes a towel and wipes away the grease paint and throws the plastic bow on the couch.
”Listen Jason, that’s how lame you come off. So you can keep up the wannabe tough guy routine all you want. I’m not going anywhere. You can target my injury again, if you want. I mean if that’s what you have to do in order to win, fine. But if you think it makes you smart because you learned to read my bio and see that I had an injury then it just means you know how to use the internet and that you’re scared. It means you think I’m a threat and you can’t win clean. I get it, that’s not your style. But I’ll fight you clean and I’ll still kick your ass. I don’t need to stand around shooting guns at paper targets to feel tough. I know you’re tough, you are. It’s not going to be easy, by any means.”
Now Jack does pause and tap his finger on his chin, only not with a mocking tone this time.
”Tell me something, Jason, how is it that you criticize me for not remembering history and you think that you’ll just waltz into the match and do the same damn thing as before? You really must think I am stupid or maybe you haven’t figured out just how stupid you are. Because how is it that you could possibly say the things that you did and take yourself seriously? The cheesiness of the gun range, the talking while each shot hits the bullseye? How many takes was that, Jason? Did they really all hit on the first shot? Did you really think a long speech about research was tough? Did you really think that whole thing was going to scare me? Like I said, you are tough. There’s no bones about it, but your setup fell a little short. I mean at least be standing in front of dead deer that you just shot or something. So you’d better be sure that your hope for lightning to strike twice in the same place was a safe bet.”
Jack shrugs his shoulders as he raises his eyebrows and waves at the camera as it pans out and then fades out.
”Sorry Jason, I couldn’t make it out to the gun range. I left all of my cool guns back at home. Besides, everyone knows that guns are for bitches and what’s really cool is arrows. I mean Walking Dead, Hunger Games, crossbows are cool. And look at that great shot!”
The camera goes back to the show the hilariously, awful shot.
”I mean, I’m not nearly as cool looking as Jason. He calls himself a “huntress” or is it “the hunter?” No, that’s not right at all.”
Jack mockingly taps a finger to his chin.
”It’ll come to me. And in the meantime I can talk about how you’re going to beat me again, right? How history repeats itself and you’re going to come out and target my injury again. I’m stupid too, isn’t that it? I’m stupid because I didn’t do research. I guess all of the hunters out there take their research really seriously, huh? You should’ve been like a teacher or librarian with how much you just love research. Anyone that doesn’t do research is just really stupid, right? So you think people that don’t do research and don’t learn from history are stupid. Dude, you seriously should have been a teacher! Hunter is probably a bad job considering you were just shooting targets. You weren’t really hunting anything, were you? You could have even gone fishing and maybe that could have been a little intimidating because at least you would be hunting something and something would actually die. What you did was just shoot guns at paper. Well, I guess maybe you hate trees and paper used to be trees so...hey, maybe you hunted the trees before and turned it into paper. You really showed those trees!”
Jack scrunches his face up in a “mean way” to continue to mock Jason Hunter.
”So I need to do my research, right? Okay, let’s see here…”
Jack sits down and opens up his laptop but then darts back to the plastic bow and plastic arrows.
”No! I need to remember the history and practice shooting targets!”
He wildly shoots arrows at the target, all of which fail to even stick to the wall, let alone the target.
”Damn! It’s tough being a hunter, Jason. Just how do you do it? Oh! Yeah, I have to also remember about patterns! Cause you won, then lost, then lost then? Damn, I can’t remember now!”
He stands with his hands on his hips, pretending to be out of breath.
”Okay! So history, patterns and research? Dude, are you sure that you didn’t wanna be a teacher? I bet you did and then you didn’t want to disappoint the other hunters or huntresses so you sadly put away your books and stopped learning to do dirty teacher’s looks.”
He sits down on the couch and wildly shoots arrows at the target again, all failing to hit anything again.
”Damn. I suck at that. I’m also not smart since I don’t like history, research or recognize patterns. I might as well just not show up. Especially because you’re going to target my injury again and I’m just too stupid to stop it. You’re too good, Jason.”
Jack’s demeanor changes now. He’s much more serious and the goofy grin now fades. Jack takes a towel and wipes away the grease paint and throws the plastic bow on the couch.
”Listen Jason, that’s how lame you come off. So you can keep up the wannabe tough guy routine all you want. I’m not going anywhere. You can target my injury again, if you want. I mean if that’s what you have to do in order to win, fine. But if you think it makes you smart because you learned to read my bio and see that I had an injury then it just means you know how to use the internet and that you’re scared. It means you think I’m a threat and you can’t win clean. I get it, that’s not your style. But I’ll fight you clean and I’ll still kick your ass. I don’t need to stand around shooting guns at paper targets to feel tough. I know you’re tough, you are. It’s not going to be easy, by any means.”
Now Jack does pause and tap his finger on his chin, only not with a mocking tone this time.
”Tell me something, Jason, how is it that you criticize me for not remembering history and you think that you’ll just waltz into the match and do the same damn thing as before? You really must think I am stupid or maybe you haven’t figured out just how stupid you are. Because how is it that you could possibly say the things that you did and take yourself seriously? The cheesiness of the gun range, the talking while each shot hits the bullseye? How many takes was that, Jason? Did they really all hit on the first shot? Did you really think a long speech about research was tough? Did you really think that whole thing was going to scare me? Like I said, you are tough. There’s no bones about it, but your setup fell a little short. I mean at least be standing in front of dead deer that you just shot or something. So you’d better be sure that your hope for lightning to strike twice in the same place was a safe bet.”
Jack shrugs his shoulders as he raises his eyebrows and waves at the camera as it pans out and then fades out.