Post by Travis Blake (Golden Prodigy) on Oct 23, 2017 23:49:31 GMT -5
“Stop this right now!” She yelled at us before she placed me on one corner and the kid in the other. I stood there like a statue. Not a single word escaped my lips as the day went on and I awaited my mother to pick me up. This was the first of many of my battles with my abandonment problem. Later that day, I believe my mother sat me down on a chair in the kitchen across from her. She gave me this glare, a glare like “Boy you just gone and fucked up”. She continued to look at me before finally saying.
“Travis……Sweetie……This has to stop. You can’t keep snapping at kids just because they annoy you. You need to be better than them; you need to learn when to just walk away”.
I quickly snapped back at my mother with a vicious tone in my voice that sent chills down her spine.
“Oh like you didn’t bother standing up to dad all those years ago. Allowing him to do whatever he wanted to me and to you. I’m hurt. I’m devastated. I just want my family back”, I said to her as I sat there shaking in fear.
My mother looked at me like I had two heads or something. She lifted up my head, looked at me and kissed my forehead.
“Sweetie, you know that can’t happen. You know that he, well…..he can’t return to this house anymore. You’re too young to understand everything that’s been going on but please, I’m doing this for your best interests”.
“Doing what?” I didn’t understand what my mother meant by that statement at the time but it didn’t take long for me to find out.
As soon as I said that, a few members of child protection services opened the door. I looked at them then at my mother. A tear was running down her soft cheek and before I knew it, they grabbed my shoulder. I yelled, kicked and screamed pleading with my mother to reason with them. Alas, she did not. She sat there and allowed Child Protection Services to take me as I screamed and cried reaching out for her. She shook her head and looked away as the door soon closed.
They carried me to the car; I tried with all the energy in my body to break free. I can’t let them take me I thought to myself, I just couldn’t. I lost my father and I’d be damned if they take me away from my mother again. I bit down on the arm of one of the ladies as she released me. Without hesitation, I bolted towards the door. Breathing in and out, running towards that door felt like an eternity. I finally made it to the door and when I opened it, my father stood right there. That very moment, I knew exactly what was going on. My father had planned this from the very beginning, never wanting me to be born, having my mother tied around his finger like a fucking puppet. He says ‘Do this’ and she obeys. I stood there frozen in fear and sadness as Child Protection services finally got me.
“LET GO OF ME! I WANT MY MOMMY, MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!” I cried and screamed out to her as she hid behind my father as he showed the biggest smile of achievement of his life. They carried me into the car and shut the door. I slammed my hands against the window, I tried and tried but nothing happened. All I could do is stare; stare as my father took everything from me that day. He took away his love for me, he took away my mother and all hopes of me having a loving family. The Child protection service ladies finally started driving off as that was the last time I’d see my mother again. Again to this day, she lays in a cemetery. Thanks to my father, she never got to see the man I became today. She never got to meet her granddaughter and she never got to meet the woman who saved my life in Alicia Lukas. That strikes a nerve to my core.
People wonder why I am the man people see me as today, that is a small and I mean very small sample size of why. People like Kaden or Alex Jones thinks I’m fucked up in the head, and maybe they’re right. People think, “Blake you’re an idiot for taking back Alicia every single time knowing her history of cheating and what not”. I know all of this but I just for as long as I can remember, I will always have the no fucks given mentality to most people. People who I don’t deem close to me or allow them to get close to my heart or my family.
That’s beside the point, after they had driven me away from my family. I spend like a good 6-7 years in foster care. I jumped from family to family with little care in the world. I cared to a point but only when it finally grew attached to them, only for foster care to take me away. Every time that happens, it reminds me of how it all happened. How I wasn’t good enough for even my own birth parents. If my birth parents wanted to throw me away like yesterday’s trash, what makes you think these foster homes won’t do the same? So back to the story at hand, when they took me away, I met a woman named Brenda Heart. Yes this is the same Brenda Heart I’d meet many years later in Prison. That is where this story continues.
Days went by as I sat in a big cafeteria area with a bunch of other kids. They laughed and yelled but I remained silent. I didn’t want to grow attached to anyone anymore, what was the point? Would they leave me too? Would most of these kids become my friend and ditch me when they found someone better? Honestly I didn’t know but the risks were just too great to take a chance like that. I sat there and just looked. I looked for a good 10 minutes just staring down at my food. I could feel myself starting to break, starting to lose myself. I knew I was truly alone, I was truly unwanted. Who would want a broken down seven year old kid huh? Who? I kept asking myself that every minute and second of the day. Brenda approached me and tapped my shoulder. I turned to her and said.
“Yes?” I didn’t say much and why should I? I didn’t know this lady and I never did. Why should I waste my time with someone like her, right? Boy was I wrong. She kneeled down and took my hand softly into hers. She embraced me with the type of compassion and kindness that only reminded me of my mother.
“Please child, follow me. It’s time for your session”. She lifted me up as she gently placed me back down on the ground. She once again extended a hand to me; I’ve never been more scared in my life. I slowly lifted my hand up, it shook and shook as it slowly made its way towards Brenda’s. I let out a small breath and stepped back. “I can’t do this” I said to her. She could feel the fear in my voice. The thing is, she never backed away. She never gave up on me. She approached me again and picked me up. I was stunned, even puzzled actually. This woman who I have no history with is picking up a messed up in the head child. What was her game? Was she just playing nice to get me to let me guard down? I had no idea but something happened, I wrapped my arms around her. I gently placed my head onto her shoulder as she gently rubbed my back, and out of nowhere she started walking while humming a tune.
I didn’t know what song this was but it calmed me right down. She kept walking and made her way out of the kitchen. She proceeded down the hall before finally making her way towards her office. She stopped humming but noticed I wouldn’t let go. She looked at me as I had fallen asleep but the thing is, that wasn’t all. She noticed I was mumbling something under my lips. She leaned her ear closer to see what I was actually saying. One word……just one word escaped my lips. Just one single word that left her puzzled and brought me into her office faster when I said the following, “Mommy.”
“Travis……Sweetie……This has to stop. You can’t keep snapping at kids just because they annoy you. You need to be better than them; you need to learn when to just walk away”.
I quickly snapped back at my mother with a vicious tone in my voice that sent chills down her spine.
“Oh like you didn’t bother standing up to dad all those years ago. Allowing him to do whatever he wanted to me and to you. I’m hurt. I’m devastated. I just want my family back”, I said to her as I sat there shaking in fear.
My mother looked at me like I had two heads or something. She lifted up my head, looked at me and kissed my forehead.
“Sweetie, you know that can’t happen. You know that he, well…..he can’t return to this house anymore. You’re too young to understand everything that’s been going on but please, I’m doing this for your best interests”.
“Doing what?” I didn’t understand what my mother meant by that statement at the time but it didn’t take long for me to find out.
As soon as I said that, a few members of child protection services opened the door. I looked at them then at my mother. A tear was running down her soft cheek and before I knew it, they grabbed my shoulder. I yelled, kicked and screamed pleading with my mother to reason with them. Alas, she did not. She sat there and allowed Child Protection Services to take me as I screamed and cried reaching out for her. She shook her head and looked away as the door soon closed.
They carried me to the car; I tried with all the energy in my body to break free. I can’t let them take me I thought to myself, I just couldn’t. I lost my father and I’d be damned if they take me away from my mother again. I bit down on the arm of one of the ladies as she released me. Without hesitation, I bolted towards the door. Breathing in and out, running towards that door felt like an eternity. I finally made it to the door and when I opened it, my father stood right there. That very moment, I knew exactly what was going on. My father had planned this from the very beginning, never wanting me to be born, having my mother tied around his finger like a fucking puppet. He says ‘Do this’ and she obeys. I stood there frozen in fear and sadness as Child Protection services finally got me.
“LET GO OF ME! I WANT MY MOMMY, MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!” I cried and screamed out to her as she hid behind my father as he showed the biggest smile of achievement of his life. They carried me into the car and shut the door. I slammed my hands against the window, I tried and tried but nothing happened. All I could do is stare; stare as my father took everything from me that day. He took away his love for me, he took away my mother and all hopes of me having a loving family. The Child protection service ladies finally started driving off as that was the last time I’d see my mother again. Again to this day, she lays in a cemetery. Thanks to my father, she never got to see the man I became today. She never got to meet her granddaughter and she never got to meet the woman who saved my life in Alicia Lukas. That strikes a nerve to my core.
People wonder why I am the man people see me as today, that is a small and I mean very small sample size of why. People like Kaden or Alex Jones thinks I’m fucked up in the head, and maybe they’re right. People think, “Blake you’re an idiot for taking back Alicia every single time knowing her history of cheating and what not”. I know all of this but I just for as long as I can remember, I will always have the no fucks given mentality to most people. People who I don’t deem close to me or allow them to get close to my heart or my family.
That’s beside the point, after they had driven me away from my family. I spend like a good 6-7 years in foster care. I jumped from family to family with little care in the world. I cared to a point but only when it finally grew attached to them, only for foster care to take me away. Every time that happens, it reminds me of how it all happened. How I wasn’t good enough for even my own birth parents. If my birth parents wanted to throw me away like yesterday’s trash, what makes you think these foster homes won’t do the same? So back to the story at hand, when they took me away, I met a woman named Brenda Heart. Yes this is the same Brenda Heart I’d meet many years later in Prison. That is where this story continues.
Days went by as I sat in a big cafeteria area with a bunch of other kids. They laughed and yelled but I remained silent. I didn’t want to grow attached to anyone anymore, what was the point? Would they leave me too? Would most of these kids become my friend and ditch me when they found someone better? Honestly I didn’t know but the risks were just too great to take a chance like that. I sat there and just looked. I looked for a good 10 minutes just staring down at my food. I could feel myself starting to break, starting to lose myself. I knew I was truly alone, I was truly unwanted. Who would want a broken down seven year old kid huh? Who? I kept asking myself that every minute and second of the day. Brenda approached me and tapped my shoulder. I turned to her and said.
“Yes?” I didn’t say much and why should I? I didn’t know this lady and I never did. Why should I waste my time with someone like her, right? Boy was I wrong. She kneeled down and took my hand softly into hers. She embraced me with the type of compassion and kindness that only reminded me of my mother.
“Please child, follow me. It’s time for your session”. She lifted me up as she gently placed me back down on the ground. She once again extended a hand to me; I’ve never been more scared in my life. I slowly lifted my hand up, it shook and shook as it slowly made its way towards Brenda’s. I let out a small breath and stepped back. “I can’t do this” I said to her. She could feel the fear in my voice. The thing is, she never backed away. She never gave up on me. She approached me again and picked me up. I was stunned, even puzzled actually. This woman who I have no history with is picking up a messed up in the head child. What was her game? Was she just playing nice to get me to let me guard down? I had no idea but something happened, I wrapped my arms around her. I gently placed my head onto her shoulder as she gently rubbed my back, and out of nowhere she started walking while humming a tune.
I didn’t know what song this was but it calmed me right down. She kept walking and made her way out of the kitchen. She proceeded down the hall before finally making her way towards her office. She stopped humming but noticed I wouldn’t let go. She looked at me as I had fallen asleep but the thing is, that wasn’t all. She noticed I was mumbling something under my lips. She leaned her ear closer to see what I was actually saying. One word……just one word escaped my lips. Just one single word that left her puzzled and brought me into her office faster when I said the following, “Mommy.”
