The Jew Blazer- Listless

THE INCIDENT

"Can I touch your hair?" The female fan asks. She was quite attractive. Josh seemed to have more than a few attractive female fans which was news to him. This convention had been a bit of an eye opener in regards to the people who were fans of The Jew Blazer. Josh was always great to his fans but was a pretty private guy really.

"Uhm, I don't see why not!" Josh says with a smile. It had not been the first time he'd been asked this as several ladies had run their hands through his hair and giggled and squealed. The animal magnetism of Joshua Avraham Goldstein was a mystery to both Josh and all of the other NGW superstars who looked puzzled at the line forming at his table. Josh leans forward and happily offers the fan an up-close experience with his Superheroic Jewfro. He feels her grab a hold. In fact, way too hard of a hold.

"What the- HEY!" Josh says as his head is pinned down and the woman's lightning quick hands cut off a lock of his hair before she runs away, security chasing after her. Josh's manager Eddie Walker walks up just in time to see the woman running away. Josh feels his hair. Fortunately he has so darn much of it that he doesn't really look any different.

"Eddie what.....what just happened?" Josh asks, utterly confused.

"You're famous, Josh. Probably a good time to start getting used to it." Eddie answers.

"Will I have to go bald?" Josh asks, lip trembling. Eddie rolls his eyes.




EGGS

BUTTER

BREAD

PEANUT BUTTER

FLOUR

THOSE LITTLE CAKE THINGS THAT KAYLEE LIKES

The camera zooms out of The Jew Blazers shopping list and we see the Jew Blazer in a supermarket, stopping pushing his cart down an aisle to look up at the camera. He is shopping in his full sparkly Jew Blazer attire.

"Oh hey guys! You caught me in the middle of doing some shopping. As amany NGW superstars know I bring baked goods to every show to share with my fellow wrestlers! I take pride in my baking. In fact, I heard a rumor that after trying a bite of my Banana Pudding Cheesecake that Matt Shields said he was having second thoughts about killing me with a rusty meat tenderizer. Yay! That's the power of cheesecake... also that's just a rumor so take it with a grain of salt. SALT! I frogto to put salt on the list!" The Blazer says. He takes out a pen and scribbles a note on his grocery list.

"On this new episode of the Jew Blazer Adventure Show, I don't know which opponent I'm facing but I'm darn excited to step into the ring with either of these capable competitors. First we have Jazmyn Rain who you could ask about the weather and she would say 'It's sunny and I don't approve of how the Jew Blazer won his title'. She can go on and on about how she 'never would have won the Five Lakes Title the way I did' which really works out well for her conscience in the end because since she'll never be put into the same position I was in she'll never have to back that up and she can keep on repeating that tired old line in WILLFUL ignorance of the fact that I have defended the heck out of this title. I beat Trixie, Jack Tillman, and Caroline in one night. Then I beat THE UNBEATABLE Jack Tillman one on one with a clean pin while you just rolled your eyes and said what has become the 'But her e-mails!' of your campaign to get a match with me. Caroline deserved a taste of her own medicine and I admit I stepped out of my comfort zone to win this title but I have ZERO regrets about how I have defended it. I'm really sorry if it seems like I'm being mean and I don't dislike you despite what you seem to think but...every time a camera is on front of you you tell everyone I'm a bad person. How is that supposed to make me feel, Jazmyn? I've been called a charity case my whole life, Jazmyn. I'm a skinny Jew from Long Island in a cape. I don't care if you don't like that I'm 'funny'. I care that you can't recognize how chipped my fingernails are from how hard I had to claw to get where I am." The Blazer says, holding up his Five Lakes Title.

"Also Caroline and I both wrestled a match that night so I hardly had an advantage. You keep not mentioning that part, probably because it doesn't prove your point." The Blazer says with a wink.

"Then we have Trixie. Trixie has her list of who she has to beat on her quest to my belt and she shows it all the time. If you want to see my list of who I want to defend this title against? Well it's available to anyone who wants to see it. Go to the NGW website. Click 'Roster'. There it is! I want to defend this championship against every wrestler in the world which apparently isn't me 'marketing' the title well enough for her but...I mean okay? I do signings. I do television interviews. I always have the belt with me so uhm... What....what are we talking about? Oh well, hey sorry for filling in that Jack Tillman space of the list before you could. I SANK YOUR BATTLESHIP! Again, I don't dislike Trixie but she....certainly has been talking about me a lot lately. She talks about beating me like it's some sort of foregone conclusion which sorta.... it gets under my skin a little bit that people are still so dismissive of me, but whatever." The Blazer says with a casual shrug. He grabs a pineapple out of the produce section and looks at it for a few moments. He has a sudden realization.

"Wait...I knew I needed this even though I didn't write it down! Of course I didn't need to! I've made pineapple upside down cake a hundred times! Huh, I guess it just goes to show ya that if you REALLY know what you're doing? You don't really need a list." The Blazer says. HE holds up his grocery list, tears it in half, and tosses it in the garbage.

"I don't know who I'm gonna be facing, but what I do know is that that title is leaving the arena around the waist of El Rey de Jewcha Libre and whoever is up against me is going home defeated, beaten, hmmm....whats a word for 'lacking energy or enthusiasm'? Oh yeah." The Blazer says as he lay-ups the pineapple into his cart.


"...Listless." He says before a flourish of his cape sends us to darkness.