Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Oct 14, 2017 4:38:24 GMT -5
Psychologist's Office
10/14/2017
"Do you know why you're here, Johnny?" The Psychologist asks.
"Hang on, is it cool if I record audio? For personal reasons." Johnny responds.
"I suppose that's fine. Do you know why you're here?" The Psychologist repeats.
"I'm here because several months ago I figuratively dicksmacked Devlin Scott so he decided I had to be cleared by a psychologist to continue wrestling for his company." Johnny says with a roll of his eyes.
"Mhm. I ask you that question every session and you give the same answer every time." The Psychologist says.
"Yup. Is it alright if I smoke in here?" Johnny asks as we hear him reach into his pocket.
"You ask that every time and don't wait for me to respond before doing it anyway so go ahead I guess." The Psychologist responds with a sigh.
"I've seen more than my share of paranoid individuals, Johnathan. So many people who rant and rave about the government controlling their lives or the Illuminati. Water Fluoridation conspiracies, chemtrails, flat earthers. The reason they don't get the same treatment that you do is because you can sit here and calmly talk to me about these things while from most other people it is unfiltered paranoid rambling. Is there a reason for that?" The Psychologist asks. He's writing on a notepad.
"I'm just a good conversationalist I guess. Plus when it comes to my beliefs I like to vocalize them so that I am understood. Do you believe in multiverse theory?" Johnny asks, taking a drag on his cigarette.
"I'm familiar with it. Infinite universes with infinite possibilities." The Psychologist says.
"Right, man. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. About how great it would be to travel to another universe where Wrestling was less prominent. I can go on my twitter right now and find hundreds of companies to wrestle for and so many of them will claim they have the best rosters in the world and some of the same faces will be there with different names. 90% of those companies have a network television deal and pay their workers insanely well and claim to be the top company in the world. We live in one of many universes and in this one the entire economy of the world is dependent on professional wrestling. You can go fight in a Psych ward or a prison...there was even a circus before shit got a bit too clown rapey. You can have a multimillionaire just doing this for fun like some sort of Luchador General Zaroff from 'The Most Dangerous Game' on the same roster as a Hobo just trying to make enough dimes to buy a bottle of hooch and a can of ravioli." Johnny says.
"I guess I'm confused about what your point is." The Psychologist says.
"The point is that I wish I could go to a universe where there was like maybe one or two promotions of note. In the universe we currently live in I want nothing more to win the World Title of NGW because that is where I have made my home. As it stands in this universe there are enough world champions to populate a small island nation." Johnny says.
"So you want to be unique? Is that what all of this Psychic Warrior stuff is about?"
"No, that's about how I was born as an experiment due to my deceased father's involvement in the MKUltra program and that because of my status as a rogue psychic truth seeker I am on the radar of the Illuminati and the Lizard People who control the world's economy and since our entire worlds economy is on top of a pillar made of pro wrestling then we are all in their scaly palms so I am public enemy number one which is why Devlin has been influenced through Illuminati thought control to sit me in front of an overpaid psychologist to convince me that I'm crazy so I'll stop looking into what they are doing to this world. That's where all that other stuff comes in. Chemtrails, Water fluoridation, Mandela effect coverups which involve much of that multiverse thing I was just talking about. Flat Earth Theory is still bullshit though. Only crazy people believe in that." Johnny says, taking a drag off of his cigarette and exhaling.
"Do you actually believe any of what just came out of your mouth?"
"I believe the part where I called you overpaid." Johnny says.
"I'm serious."
"Here's what I believe. I believe that Matthew Shields and everyone else in this company thinking I'm incompetent or crazy or whatever works out in my favor. I believe a lot of what I say. Some of it is flavor because I like to entertain people AND because it is in my best interest to appear to my peers as the kind of individual that doesn't have any plans beyond wrapping tinfoil on their heads to keep aliens from tampering with my brain. That tinfoil shit doesn't work by the way. I can still totally read minds through it so I don't imagine any beings from Planet X are going to have any difficulty." Johnny says, again from the way he says it you can feel like he believes every word of what he's saying. Is that practiced?
"So what is your end goal, Johnny?" The Psychologist asks.
"Settle down with a nice girl, get married, maybe blow a few babies into her." Johnny says with maybe just a touch of irony.
"You've mentioned this girl. Danni Anderson. Is she this 'nice girl' you're looking for>"
"Maybe? I dunno. I mean I'm on two divorces already so it's probably not a great idea to get my hopes up. She's...special to me though. In a real and huge way. There's the big spaces when I'm not worried about the fact that I've fallen in love with her where I'm genuinely happy." Johnny says. We hear him lean back in his chair.
"You're afraid of love." The Psychologist asks. He didn't phrase it as a question. He phrased it as a statement and waited for Johnny to fill in the blanks himself. It's a psychologist thing.
"You've read my file. Can you blame me?" Johnny asks.
"I suppose not. So how is work?"
"Faction warfare. Leaders making promises that are gonna end up hurting people because that's what leaders do. Adrien is a great dude. I don't question his character. I question his resolve, but not his character. You don't put together a team like he has if you don't have plans beyond 'beating the bad guys'. He won't admit that but if he does topple the Destroyers he's gonna look at his new pals and the first thought that's gonna cross his mind is 'With these people by my side I can hold onto the World Title as long as I want'. Most Garbage Fires are started with good intentions. Still, it's gonna suck for a bit. Every time one of these things breaks out it becomes the only thing people care about. No one's gonna give a flaming fuck what I'm up to so long as Queen Shields and Adrien are wagging their cocks at each other."
"Queen Shields?"
"Hm? Oh yeah, Matt Shields is basically his girlfriends bitch now and I'm never gonna stop talking about it because it's the funniest goddamn thing on the planet."
"At the very least you seem a lot happier. I'm glad to hear you've been making friends. When these sessions started you were very anti-social." The Psychologist says, still writing.
"Like I said, Adrien seems like a good dude. A solid dude. I'm glad to call him a friend but if he thinks sunshine and rainbows are what's gonna win him this fight...nah. There's a tricky gray area I occupy between the Destroyers and the Guardians that are what the Guardians need to win and if he ever wants to learn about it he has my number." Johnny says.
"I see. And what are some things you would improve about your workplace?" The Psychologist asks.
"I dunno man, security could stand to be beefed up. Devlin seems to get really excited about bringing in big names and then them bolting because he's not gonna let them jump the line to number one contendership. My guess is that's why Alex Jones is in this match. To appease his ego so he doesn't bolt. I mean, I admittedly know fuck all about him but Shields busts a villain nut every time his name gets mentioned so he must be a big deal somewhere. I have my Hoodie Ninjas pulling some match tapes for me to study but I mean...." Johnny says, the audio doesn't pick up him making a dismissive wanking motion.
"Well Johnathan... I'm happy to say that ends your last session with me. I can't exactly say you have a clean bill of mental health but that's not really why I'm here." The Psychologist says as we hear him click his pen and stand.
"Wait...it's not? I thought this was to prove to Devlin that I wasn't crazy." Johnny says.
"No, you assumed that and I never corrected you because that assumption kept you talking. These sessions were paid for over a year ago by a Mr. Daniel Fitzsimmons. That's your father, correct?"
There is a pronounced silence in the room.
"Johnathan? Are you alright? You look like you've just seen a gho-"
The audio cuts out here.
