Post by Jazmyn Rain on Oct 1, 2017 12:23:18 GMT -5
Ghosts
Opening Thoughts
Jazmyn Rain: St. Louis…
So, we meet again.
It’s a fine city, don’t get me wrong on that. But as I mentioned just recently, it’s the city that harbors my most heartbreaking moment in my professional wrestling career to date. Yes, that was when my only world championship in my career was robbed from me by my worst enemy of the time with the assistance of a man… well if you can call him that… that I had romantic feelings for. It was not just heartbreaking, it was also cruel. It was one of the worst experiences I have ever had in this business, if not the absolute worst.
That, for me, was when I crashed and burned.
When it first happened, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to react when it happened. Once it fully became clear to me what I had just gone through, I lost it. I think I ended up crying for hours upon hours, day after day, for nearly a week and no, I’m not exaggerating for the sake of dramatics, that actually was the case. Something like that brought out the absolute worst in me. That’s what tends to happen whenever my spirit is broken.
Of course, I have had some tough losses ever since, most recently in Montreal six weeks ago when I lost a Global title match due to unfortunate circumstances, but I’ve never had a worse, spirit breaking loss since then.
On top of that, all I’ve done is grow stronger ever since. I’d get my revenge on that scorned crush of mine… even if I had to reluctantly set him on fire to do it. I’d get my revenge on the aforementioned worst enemy of mine, albeit after he had lost the title himself. But as much as I’ve grown and healed and overcome, 18 months later, I still haven’t gotten that world title back. In other words, coming here for an NGW event…
...I’ve got some ghosts to deal with, ghosts that won’t go away until I DO get it back…
For now, I’m going to make the most of things while I’m here, especially with our four-way tag team match!
Date: October 1, 2017
Even with so much progress and healing since the most heartbreaking moment of her career in GCW, Jazmyn Rain still carries some trepidation with her being back in the city where it all happened. Fortunately, she’s not alone, with her fiance Derek being there with her. But being in this town suppresses a fair bit of Jazmyn’s usual happy, bouncy demeanor she’s become quite known for. The pair find themselves inside what was once known as the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis. The facility obviously has a lot more open days on their calendar with the Rams relocating back to Los Angeles, but just being inside the venue creates an uncomfortable, haunting feeling for Jazmyn, as she sits on a steel crate and looks down on the ground, almost as if she doesn’t want to be in the building.
Jazmyn: I’m really not sure this is a good idea.
Derek: What do you mean?
Jazmyn: Look, I know that I can’t avoid being here in St. Louis and I know I came back here earlier this year, but when I came back here with GCW, Livewire was at the Scottrade Center, not here.
Derek: Right, and tonight’s Dissension episode is there too. But, neither time is in THIS building… you know… where everything happened.
Jazmyn: Yeah…
Jazmyn sighs, remembering that night when her lone world title was cruelly robbed from her.
Jazmyn: I just don’t think I’m ready to actually be inside the actual building where it happened. This place is like a tomb for me. It’s bad enough that this building is considered a concrete cavern… and even many people in St. Louis think so… but being in this building is like being inside of a haunted house, you know?
Derek laughs, trying to cut some of the tension in the air.
Derek: You’ll be fine, Jaz! You and I both know how much stronger you’ve become. Why is this so hard for you? Honestly, I thought being back in this building was going to be a piece of cake. I thought you’ve moved on from what happened. I understand why you’d feel a little anxious being back here, especially since you haven’t gotten the Global title back in GCW yet, but you can’t run away from what happened forever. You’ve got to face this!
Jazmyn: I’m not running from this, Derek…
Derek: So how come you never really mention it or talk about it unless we’re in the city itself? I think there’s a piece of you that’s still hurt. I get it. Winning the title back would help! But, I don’t think that’s going to be the solution.
Jazmyn: And THIS is? Derek, you weren’t even in my life at the time that this happened.
Jazmyn takes a deep breath, trying to save herself from being heated.
Jazmyn: You weren’t there with me when I walked into this building, carrying that title over my shoulder, clutching it as if it was my own child for crying out loud, nervous as all hell going into GCW’s biggest show of the year as the world champion, against a bastard that was so cruel to me he nearly drove me to relapse a couple of times. You don’t know how I felt walking in here that night.
Derek: I know this, but that’s because you never talk about it.
Jazmyn: And what’s talking about it going to do? Do you really think I want to relive this? You want a minute by minute account of that whole night? No, Derek. I can’t.
Derek: I don’t necessarily want a minute by minute account… I just want to know what happened…
Jazmyn: You KNOW what happened!!!
Derek: But I don’t know what you were feeling WHILE it was happening. That’s what I want to know. With as much as you’ve grown since then, I think it’s well past the point where you need to feel haunted just by being back here. This St. Louis thing… you’ve got to let it go!
Jazmyn: Don’t you dare tell me when to let something go!
Jazmyn slides off the crate and starts walking away from Derek as quickly as she can while also trying to find a way out of the building.
Derek: Jaz! Wait!
Derek begins to follow her, realizing that her emotions got the better of her in the heat of the moment.
Derek: I’m just trying to help!
Jazmyn stops walking and turns around back toward him with an annoyed and angry look on her face.
Jazmyn: You want to help me? YOU WANT TO HELP ME???
Derek: Jaz… please…
Jazmyn: You can help me by getting me out of this building. NOW!
Derek: What?
Derek is stunned, not knowing how to handle this since he’s so used to Jazmyn being a positive fighter, not the scared, hurt woman he’s seeing in front of her.
Derek: Jaz, this isn’t you and you know it. Just talk to me! That’s all you need to do. All I want to know is why being here is tripping you up even though you’ve become better and stronger than before. Trust me, I want to help you! That’s what I am here for. So you felt nervous coming into this building and then…
Jazmyn: You don’t understand…
Derek: I WANT to understand!
Jazmyn: FINE! Okay! I’ll talk about it. On one condition… it’s never mentioned again!
Derek: I only need to hear about it once, Jaz! So… go ahead…
Jazmyn takes a deep breath, keeping herself as calm as she can through her obvious and understandable discomfort regarding even the mere discussion of the most heartbreaking night of her entire wrestling career.
Jazmyn: I remember that nervousness building up throughout the night. Doubt kept swallowing me whole. As the night wore on, I felt jittery and I felt like I was about to collapse. I don’t know what it was Derek, but that whole night, I had bad vibes. It felt like there was this evil, dark aura in the air, as if something really bad was going to happen. I don’t know how, or why… but for some reason, I had this sickening feeling in my gut that I was going to lose the Global title that night. The closer the time came, the more scared I was.
Jazmyn pauses, taking a glance at the ground for a quick second, then looking back at her fiancee.
Jazmyn: So when the time came, I remember sitting on a crate… like I just was a few minutes ago, and Vicky came by to talk to me, wish me luck and all of that. We were talking about how I went from the gutter to being a Global champion on the grandest stage of all in GCW, how I had my pitfalls as a first time world champion and all and then my tense feelings that had been building up throughout the night just culminated in me just turning to her and asking her “What if this is it? What if this is the end?” And god bless Vicky, she tried her very best to reassure me and all, but her reassuring words went in one ear and out the other. I didn’t believe her. And sure enough, I went out there, fought the match, got screwed over by Jefferson, and it all was a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end.
God, that’s the most worthless I’ve ever felt since I came back to wrestling. And yes, I know how much I’ve grown… but I still feel guilty about the whole thing. It still haunts me!
Derek: It shouldn’t! What happened in that match wasn’t your fault! You just said it! You’ve grown so much!
Jazmyn: Derek, you still don’t get it. It’s not necessarily the match that I feel guilty about. What haunts me is the fact that… that…
Jazmyn’s eyes begin to well up with tears.
Jazmyn: I was so weak back then!
Derek: Jaz… no…
Jazmyn: I didn’t believe in myself at ALL! I never gave myself a chance!
This guilt causes said tears to start falling down her face.
Jazmyn: I know what I am worth as a person now, but back then, I didn’t. I couldn’t have ever known how strong I really am. I was scared to death! I feel so guilty that I ever treated myself like that, on that very night. It’s not what others did to me, Derek. I am so over that. What bothers me… what’s really the ghost here… is how I handled the whole thing leading up to that match. It wasn’t Trenton, or Jefferson or Myra or any of my enemies in GCW that did this to me. It was ME that did this to me and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. You think I’d ever want to come back here willingly, knowing I’d have to face up to the fact that I ever did that to myself?
I’ve “ran away” because I’ve always felt that the person I was on that day was weak.
Derek: But that person was always you… she was never weak.
Jazmyn: You’re right, I’ve always had that strength within me. That night, it just wasn’t there. I essentially was the opposite of what I am really about on that day. If I had to look at that person, meet her face to face right now, I would tell her that I am so sorry that I never gave her a chance. I’d let her know that I love her, always will, and that what happened that night was never her fault.
Jazmyn wipes her tears away, taking a couple of deep breaths to continue to collect herself.
Jazmyn: ...and then that person would look back at me and tell me that she forgives me because I’ve learned, I’ve grown and I’ve become a much better wrestler and person since then and I should always be proud of that no matter what ghost from the past wants to come up and haunt me.
Jazmyn takes a deep breath and finally cracks a smile.
Jazmyn: And all of a sudden, I’m beginning to feel so much better!
Jazmyn leans into a hug from Derek. He’s wasting no time holding her as tight as he can.
Derek: That’s because you’ve dealt with this head on and you’ve finally forgiven yourself for it.
Derek lets her go and Jazmyn looks up at him with tears, this time of joy, filling her eyes.
Jazmyn: You’re right! I have! I’m grateful for my journey since then and I’ve never been more happy in my life than I am right now.
Derek: You just keep giving me reasons to believe that I’m the luckiest man in the world!
Jazmyn: Aw!
Jazmyn laughs.
Jazmyn: Thanks! Now, more than ever, I have every reason to believe in myself! As far as my career goes, GCW and NGW alike… the best is yet to come for me! Deep down, I know that to be a fact!
Derek wraps an arm around Jazmyn, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. With that, the two are able to walk around the Edward Jones Dome together for a little while to soak in what is now a fully-healed memory for Jazmyn before they depart the building for lunch.
Closing Thoughts
Jazmyn Rain: Ghosts are not to be feared, they are to be learned from and lord knows I’ve learned from a few throughout my career. But now that I’ve returned to St. Louis and learned from the biggest ghost I’ve ever had to encounter, there’s no turning back for me. Having become better and stronger since the most heartbreaking night of my wrestling career, there’s no way I can ever lose faith in myself again and everyone in NGW, from our opponents tonight, to the Destroyers, are about to see everything that I am truly capable of now that I’m really starting to find my way here!
Opening Thoughts
Jazmyn Rain: St. Louis…
So, we meet again.
It’s a fine city, don’t get me wrong on that. But as I mentioned just recently, it’s the city that harbors my most heartbreaking moment in my professional wrestling career to date. Yes, that was when my only world championship in my career was robbed from me by my worst enemy of the time with the assistance of a man… well if you can call him that… that I had romantic feelings for. It was not just heartbreaking, it was also cruel. It was one of the worst experiences I have ever had in this business, if not the absolute worst.
That, for me, was when I crashed and burned.
When it first happened, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to react when it happened. Once it fully became clear to me what I had just gone through, I lost it. I think I ended up crying for hours upon hours, day after day, for nearly a week and no, I’m not exaggerating for the sake of dramatics, that actually was the case. Something like that brought out the absolute worst in me. That’s what tends to happen whenever my spirit is broken.
Of course, I have had some tough losses ever since, most recently in Montreal six weeks ago when I lost a Global title match due to unfortunate circumstances, but I’ve never had a worse, spirit breaking loss since then.
On top of that, all I’ve done is grow stronger ever since. I’d get my revenge on that scorned crush of mine… even if I had to reluctantly set him on fire to do it. I’d get my revenge on the aforementioned worst enemy of mine, albeit after he had lost the title himself. But as much as I’ve grown and healed and overcome, 18 months later, I still haven’t gotten that world title back. In other words, coming here for an NGW event…
...I’ve got some ghosts to deal with, ghosts that won’t go away until I DO get it back…
For now, I’m going to make the most of things while I’m here, especially with our four-way tag team match!
Date: October 1, 2017
Even with so much progress and healing since the most heartbreaking moment of her career in GCW, Jazmyn Rain still carries some trepidation with her being back in the city where it all happened. Fortunately, she’s not alone, with her fiance Derek being there with her. But being in this town suppresses a fair bit of Jazmyn’s usual happy, bouncy demeanor she’s become quite known for. The pair find themselves inside what was once known as the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis. The facility obviously has a lot more open days on their calendar with the Rams relocating back to Los Angeles, but just being inside the venue creates an uncomfortable, haunting feeling for Jazmyn, as she sits on a steel crate and looks down on the ground, almost as if she doesn’t want to be in the building.
Jazmyn: I’m really not sure this is a good idea.
Derek: What do you mean?
Jazmyn: Look, I know that I can’t avoid being here in St. Louis and I know I came back here earlier this year, but when I came back here with GCW, Livewire was at the Scottrade Center, not here.
Derek: Right, and tonight’s Dissension episode is there too. But, neither time is in THIS building… you know… where everything happened.
Jazmyn: Yeah…
Jazmyn sighs, remembering that night when her lone world title was cruelly robbed from her.
Jazmyn: I just don’t think I’m ready to actually be inside the actual building where it happened. This place is like a tomb for me. It’s bad enough that this building is considered a concrete cavern… and even many people in St. Louis think so… but being in this building is like being inside of a haunted house, you know?
Derek laughs, trying to cut some of the tension in the air.
Derek: You’ll be fine, Jaz! You and I both know how much stronger you’ve become. Why is this so hard for you? Honestly, I thought being back in this building was going to be a piece of cake. I thought you’ve moved on from what happened. I understand why you’d feel a little anxious being back here, especially since you haven’t gotten the Global title back in GCW yet, but you can’t run away from what happened forever. You’ve got to face this!
Jazmyn: I’m not running from this, Derek…
Derek: So how come you never really mention it or talk about it unless we’re in the city itself? I think there’s a piece of you that’s still hurt. I get it. Winning the title back would help! But, I don’t think that’s going to be the solution.
Jazmyn: And THIS is? Derek, you weren’t even in my life at the time that this happened.
Jazmyn takes a deep breath, trying to save herself from being heated.
Jazmyn: You weren’t there with me when I walked into this building, carrying that title over my shoulder, clutching it as if it was my own child for crying out loud, nervous as all hell going into GCW’s biggest show of the year as the world champion, against a bastard that was so cruel to me he nearly drove me to relapse a couple of times. You don’t know how I felt walking in here that night.
Derek: I know this, but that’s because you never talk about it.
Jazmyn: And what’s talking about it going to do? Do you really think I want to relive this? You want a minute by minute account of that whole night? No, Derek. I can’t.
Derek: I don’t necessarily want a minute by minute account… I just want to know what happened…
Jazmyn: You KNOW what happened!!!
Derek: But I don’t know what you were feeling WHILE it was happening. That’s what I want to know. With as much as you’ve grown since then, I think it’s well past the point where you need to feel haunted just by being back here. This St. Louis thing… you’ve got to let it go!
Jazmyn: Don’t you dare tell me when to let something go!
Jazmyn slides off the crate and starts walking away from Derek as quickly as she can while also trying to find a way out of the building.
Derek: Jaz! Wait!
Derek begins to follow her, realizing that her emotions got the better of her in the heat of the moment.
Derek: I’m just trying to help!
Jazmyn stops walking and turns around back toward him with an annoyed and angry look on her face.
Jazmyn: You want to help me? YOU WANT TO HELP ME???
Derek: Jaz… please…
Jazmyn: You can help me by getting me out of this building. NOW!
Derek: What?
Derek is stunned, not knowing how to handle this since he’s so used to Jazmyn being a positive fighter, not the scared, hurt woman he’s seeing in front of her.
Derek: Jaz, this isn’t you and you know it. Just talk to me! That’s all you need to do. All I want to know is why being here is tripping you up even though you’ve become better and stronger than before. Trust me, I want to help you! That’s what I am here for. So you felt nervous coming into this building and then…
Jazmyn: You don’t understand…
Derek: I WANT to understand!
Jazmyn: FINE! Okay! I’ll talk about it. On one condition… it’s never mentioned again!
Derek: I only need to hear about it once, Jaz! So… go ahead…
Jazmyn takes a deep breath, keeping herself as calm as she can through her obvious and understandable discomfort regarding even the mere discussion of the most heartbreaking night of her entire wrestling career.
Jazmyn: I remember that nervousness building up throughout the night. Doubt kept swallowing me whole. As the night wore on, I felt jittery and I felt like I was about to collapse. I don’t know what it was Derek, but that whole night, I had bad vibes. It felt like there was this evil, dark aura in the air, as if something really bad was going to happen. I don’t know how, or why… but for some reason, I had this sickening feeling in my gut that I was going to lose the Global title that night. The closer the time came, the more scared I was.
Jazmyn pauses, taking a glance at the ground for a quick second, then looking back at her fiancee.
Jazmyn: So when the time came, I remember sitting on a crate… like I just was a few minutes ago, and Vicky came by to talk to me, wish me luck and all of that. We were talking about how I went from the gutter to being a Global champion on the grandest stage of all in GCW, how I had my pitfalls as a first time world champion and all and then my tense feelings that had been building up throughout the night just culminated in me just turning to her and asking her “What if this is it? What if this is the end?” And god bless Vicky, she tried her very best to reassure me and all, but her reassuring words went in one ear and out the other. I didn’t believe her. And sure enough, I went out there, fought the match, got screwed over by Jefferson, and it all was a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end.
God, that’s the most worthless I’ve ever felt since I came back to wrestling. And yes, I know how much I’ve grown… but I still feel guilty about the whole thing. It still haunts me!
Derek: It shouldn’t! What happened in that match wasn’t your fault! You just said it! You’ve grown so much!
Jazmyn: Derek, you still don’t get it. It’s not necessarily the match that I feel guilty about. What haunts me is the fact that… that…
Jazmyn’s eyes begin to well up with tears.
Jazmyn: I was so weak back then!
Derek: Jaz… no…
Jazmyn: I didn’t believe in myself at ALL! I never gave myself a chance!
This guilt causes said tears to start falling down her face.
Jazmyn: I know what I am worth as a person now, but back then, I didn’t. I couldn’t have ever known how strong I really am. I was scared to death! I feel so guilty that I ever treated myself like that, on that very night. It’s not what others did to me, Derek. I am so over that. What bothers me… what’s really the ghost here… is how I handled the whole thing leading up to that match. It wasn’t Trenton, or Jefferson or Myra or any of my enemies in GCW that did this to me. It was ME that did this to me and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. You think I’d ever want to come back here willingly, knowing I’d have to face up to the fact that I ever did that to myself?
I’ve “ran away” because I’ve always felt that the person I was on that day was weak.
Derek: But that person was always you… she was never weak.
Jazmyn: You’re right, I’ve always had that strength within me. That night, it just wasn’t there. I essentially was the opposite of what I am really about on that day. If I had to look at that person, meet her face to face right now, I would tell her that I am so sorry that I never gave her a chance. I’d let her know that I love her, always will, and that what happened that night was never her fault.
Jazmyn wipes her tears away, taking a couple of deep breaths to continue to collect herself.
Jazmyn: ...and then that person would look back at me and tell me that she forgives me because I’ve learned, I’ve grown and I’ve become a much better wrestler and person since then and I should always be proud of that no matter what ghost from the past wants to come up and haunt me.
Jazmyn takes a deep breath and finally cracks a smile.
Jazmyn: And all of a sudden, I’m beginning to feel so much better!
Jazmyn leans into a hug from Derek. He’s wasting no time holding her as tight as he can.
Derek: That’s because you’ve dealt with this head on and you’ve finally forgiven yourself for it.
Derek lets her go and Jazmyn looks up at him with tears, this time of joy, filling her eyes.
Jazmyn: You’re right! I have! I’m grateful for my journey since then and I’ve never been more happy in my life than I am right now.
Derek: You just keep giving me reasons to believe that I’m the luckiest man in the world!
Jazmyn: Aw!
Jazmyn laughs.
Jazmyn: Thanks! Now, more than ever, I have every reason to believe in myself! As far as my career goes, GCW and NGW alike… the best is yet to come for me! Deep down, I know that to be a fact!
Derek wraps an arm around Jazmyn, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. With that, the two are able to walk around the Edward Jones Dome together for a little while to soak in what is now a fully-healed memory for Jazmyn before they depart the building for lunch.
Closing Thoughts
Jazmyn Rain: Ghosts are not to be feared, they are to be learned from and lord knows I’ve learned from a few throughout my career. But now that I’ve returned to St. Louis and learned from the biggest ghost I’ve ever had to encounter, there’s no turning back for me. Having become better and stronger since the most heartbreaking night of my wrestling career, there’s no way I can ever lose faith in myself again and everyone in NGW, from our opponents tonight, to the Destroyers, are about to see everything that I am truly capable of now that I’m really starting to find my way here!
