A NEW Blazer?

"Joshie, I love you and I support you but there is absolutely no chance you are going to be able to pull this off." Kaylee Kassie tells her gangly Jewish fiance.

"It's the only way! My only chance of being taken seriously in whatever our compant is called is for me to be a bad guy." Josh says, turning on his heel (lawl) to face Kaylee.

"You're too nice for that. You are the nicest, kindest, most gentle soul on the planet. You cried watching a commercial yesterday." Kaylee says.

"The puppies looked so sad! And that Sarah Mclachlan song was playing! " Josh says.

"I rest my case." Kaylee says. She kisses his nose cutely and pats him on top of his poofy head.

"No! I can do this! I'll show you!" Josh says. He runs out of the room. He's about to slam the door but then he realizes how early it is and he doesn't want to disturb any of his neighbors if they're still sleeping so he slowly closes the door instead.

-THE NEXT DAY-


"Right! I look the part now, now what do bad dudes do?" The Blazer asks himself. he thinks for a few moments.  

"Oh! I know! I'll go to a really rough bar and get in a fight." The Blazer says. He takes out his phone and searches for bars in his area. He comes across one called 'The Manhole'.

"That sounds like a SUPER tough bar! Siri! Please order me a Lyft to this bar....I mean...not please! Do it! Do as I say because I am a mean guy!" The Blazer shouts into his phone.

-A FEW HOURS LATER-

"Man....that bar wasn't tough at all. Everyone was super friendly and nice. One guy even offered to help me pee!" The Blazer says. Kaylee chooses not to tell him what actually happened.

"Alright Joshie... let's get this out of the way. Drop an F-bomb." Kaylee says, folding her arms. Josh looks terrified.

"I....uh. Okay yeah! Yeah, that's something a bad guy would do so here I go. Here we go. Just gonna... just gonna says it. Ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge. Fudge. Yeah! I dropped an F-bomb!" The Blazer says, triumphantly holding his hands up.

"You sure did sweety." Kaylee says, rolling her eyes.

"Stop being patronizing! I jaywalked today! That's breaking the law! Also I almost got hit by a car while I did it so it turns out that's actually a pretty solid law. Gonna keep obeying that one from now on but....but I littered! I threw a gum wrapper on the ground right outside the apartment earlier." The Blazer says.

"You went back and picked it up didn't you?" Kaylee asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Well yeah but....but for a solid five minutes there I had committed a crime!" The Blazer says.

"Joshie..."

"I mean, I wouldn't want the cleaning guy here to have to stay any later than he has to, I'm sure he has a family at home." The Blazer says.

"Josh." Kaylee says, trying to get his attention.

"Okay yeah I KNOW he has a family, I get them a holiday card every year. Well, once a month. I try and get them one for every month. I happen to think Arbor day is a perfectly viable holiday to celebrate. Though I guess giving out so many Arbor Day cards is kind of counterintuitive since they're printed on paper and that means fewer trees and... oh man I really need to rethink Arbor Day this year." The Blazer says.

"JOSHUA AVRAHAM GOLDSTEIN." Kaylee shouts to get his attention.

"Uh-Oh. Full name. I'm in trouble aren't I?" The Blazer asks.

"No you adorable idiot. You aren't a bad person. I know who I started dating and he's the nicest and sweetest man on the planet. Now I want you to ditch this jacket and put on your silliest Superhero outfit. I'm gonna be in the bedroom in five minutes wearing your Great Lakes Title... and nothing else." Kaylee says, leaning in and purring in his ear. Josh gulps.

"I just finished a new cape. It's super sparkly and has an enormous bedazzled dreidel on the back." The Blazer says.

"That sounds utterly ridiculous and I am so turned on." Kaylee says before turning and going to the bedroom. The Blazer turns and looks at the camera.

"You should probably come back later." The Blazer says after clearing his throat.

-MUCH LATER-

"So. Let's talk about the latest group of Supervillains I'm eventually going to send packing. " The Blazer says, now back in his superheroic gear. We are in the room of his apartment known to many as 'The Blazecave.'

"You see I have this odd little recurring trait. I always seem to get matched up against members of 'Super big deal' heel groups and end up beating them and then within a few weeks of me beating them they pack up and leave. It happened to The Black Light District. It happened to the New Management Enforcers in UKWF and now it seems management is intent on seeing the Destroyers go home embarassed after they get schooled by the Skinny Jew in a cape. Now I find myself againast Jack Tillman again. Jack Tillman's manager is going to make the same argument he made on twitter that I've never beaten Jack in a one-on-one match so I'm totally going to get my comeuppance this time! Well to Jack I say... once we strip away all of the excuses we are only left with the facts and the FACTS are that every time we are in the ring against each other I leave with something shiny and you don't leave with anything. When you call yourself 'Undefeated' there has to be an asterisk next to the title and Jack knows it and I bet it's killing him. Do you know why?" The Blazer asks. A pause.

"Because that asterisk is me." He says with a smirk.

"I walked out of Rags to Riches with the latter while he got the former. Then he failed to win it from me in the follow-up match. Then I used the briefcase and won the title while he made sneering faces and his manager posted lots of pictures of Jack doing submission holds. Then after that I defended the title against him and two other wrestlers. Me. The guy he keeps calling a joke because I AIN'T A REAL WRASSLER. So here it goes Jack. If you lose this time there's no more excuses. No more asterisks. The Defeated Jack Tillman. The era of Redemption is over, I have absolutely nothing i need to redeem. Now is a New Generation and in this generation? The Chosen One is one of the Chosen People." The Blazer says, and with a swoosh of his cape the promo ends.