Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Aug 20, 2017 18:02:22 GMT -5
THE JEW BLAZER
An Incoherent Mess of a Promo
An Incoherent Mess of a Promo
"People are already speaking up about how I won the NEw Gen Title." The Jew Blazer says. The Title is notable absent. The Blazer is carrying a belt case though.
"This is something i gave a lot of thought. When it came to cashing in my Rags to Riches I knew I had a choice to make. A lot of people are so quick to cast judgment on me but where were those people when I almost had Caroline beat clean and she dislocated my jaw with a pair of brass knuckles? Where were those people when I had a 2/3 falls match against the World Champion and he pulled out every shady trick in the book to beat me? I owed Caroline. Anyone with a brainstem could see that was the case but because it messes with the 'natural order' of things people are speaking up against me. I can put on five star classics every night and people would still tell me I'm a joke. So frankly...I'm done with the idea of any of you ever taking me seriously and I should have been done a long time ago. The only reason MY victory is being viewed as 'controversial' is because you all believe the only way I would've won this title is through doing something sneaky and underhanded. To that I say, look at all the people I would have beaten clean if they didn't cheat. Jazmyn Rain can take shots at me all she wants and tell as many people as she wants that Caroline is a better wrestler than I am. She should feel fortunate while she runs her mouth about me that her jaw isn't making a weird clicking sound like mine does now. " The Blazer says. He thinks for a moment.
"Gosh I hope that didn't come out too mean. Anyway... yeah. As I was backstage holding this title belt a realization struck me. The realization that this title legitimizes me in a way that means I no longer have to make on-camera efforts to be taken seriously. With that in mind allow me to present to you....with the Jew Gen Title." The Blazer says. He takes the belt out of it's case to reveal a red, white, and blue star of David has been spraypainted on the face of the title.
"I bet this has made a lot of people angry, but probably not as angry as this painting that I had affixed to the wall at Redemption Wrestling headquarters." The Jew Blazer says. We cut to The Jew Blazer giving a huge thumbs up in front of a large painting of himself wearing absolutely nothing save for the Jew Gen Title and his cape.
"Hey! Stop right there!" Someone from security says, the camera cuts to the 'security guard' to find nothing but a potato with a tiny hat on it that says 'SECURITY'. The Jew Blazer pulls out a potato masher.
"Back off, man! I'll make latkes out of you!" The Jew Blazer threatens. The Jew Blazer and RW's infamous Potato Security Guard back away from each other slowly.
We cut to the Jew Blazer wearing a rejuvenating face mask with cucumbers over his eyes as a woman gives him a pedicure. Seated next to him in its own chair is the New Gen Title being polished and tended to. One of the women turns on the news.
"Controversy today... Joshua Goldstein, also known as 'The Jew Blazer' in Redemption Wrestling poses for a selfie in front of a large group of Alt-Right Protesters. Though the Protesters claim they hate his Jewish heritage and many wore Nazi iconography... many admitted that Josh 'seemed like an alright guy'." The Reporter says. We cut to a shot of The Jew Blazer standing in front of a group holding the Nazi flag with a sign reading 'NAZIS ARE LAME' with a big smile on his face. The channel is turned and we cut back to The Jew Blazer in his chair at the salon.
"So I guess you could say when you factor in how I'm also training folks at Johnny's school that I've been keeping busy ever since I won this title. Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and we all know how much God hates that. SO when it comes to this week against Damon? I have a teeny bit of something to prove. If folks really don't think I can get things done without taking advantage of someone who's already wrestled a match, they should probably check this match out. I'm a much more different dude than when Damon and I last faced off when I was part of the Radicalliance. I've since then shown that I am an exceptionally capable Jewchador and much more than just a 'tag team guy' as I have been labelled ever since I started wrestling. I am El Rey De Jewcha Libre! The Maccabee Marvel! The Semitic Superman! The Hebrew Hercules! The Jewish Juggernaut! The Raddest Man on the Planet!" The Jew Blazer says.
20 minutes later.
"Judaism's Favorite Son! That Funny Jewish Guy from the TV! The...how long have I been here?! Why am I listing all of these nicknames!? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?! WHAT YEAR IS IT!? HAVE THE APES TAKEN OVER?!" The Blazer shouts at the women working at the salon. There is a moment.
"Oh hey, cucumbers! Nothing like a healthy snack to help me remember what I was talking about!" The Blazer says. He takes the small container of cucumber slices and starts eating them.
"Hmm... nope. Still nothing. What do you think, belty?" The Jew Blazer says, turning to his belt still sitting in the chair.
"Ha, just kidding. I know belts can't talk. I'm not stupid. But if it COULD talk it'd be being REALLY rude right now." The Blazer says. He eyes the belt suspiciously for more than few moments.
DOES THE BELT TALK?
DOES THE JEW BLAZER HAVE SOME SORT OF SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS?
DOES HE HAVE TOO MANY NICKNAMES?
WAS THIS PROMO EVEN COHERENT?
DOES THE JEW BLAZER HAVE SOME SORT OF SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS?
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE!
SAME JEW TIME!
SAME JEW NETWORK!
