Post by Megan Rydell on Jul 24, 2017 7:58:21 GMT -5
Drip…
Drip…
Drip…
That’s the only sound I could hear as I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom. It’s 5AM and I’m standing here in my pajamas, trying to figure out who it is I’m looking at. My hands are gripped firmly down on the sink, because I don’t want to let go out of fear of slipping…
And no, I don’t mean the fear of slipping and falling literally, I mean it metaphorically. I let out a sigh as the same thoughts going on in my head, over and over.
Am I really putting up a front? Am I really mean spirited towards Kenzie? The words that Kenzie’s friend, Oliver, spoke towards me really stung. He said I treated Kenzie like a verbal punching bag... Is that how it seems?
Is that how people feel about it when they see us interact? That I don’t love my sister? That I don’t look up to her?
Who have you become, Megan? Are you becoming a monster? Are you becoming the kind of competitor your sister does everything in her power to stand up against?
Turning around, I slide down until I’m sitting down with my back leaning up against the sink. I’ve looked at myself enough for one day. I just want the people close to me to be proud of me… To be proud of being myself.
Kenzie… Ashleigh… Cam… Blyss… Flex…
Do they believe I put up a front? Will they be proud of me if I continue down this path that I’ve started? My entire life, I’ve felt confident in myself, I’ve felt like I could take on the world but this one moment has kicked me in the gut.
Normally what people say doesn’t bother me, especially some stranger like Oliver. But even though he’s a stranger to me, what if Kenzie has given off the vibe to him to make him say what he said to me?
She didn’t step up and defend me when he said all of it. She didn’t adamantly tell him that I wasn’t fake… She should’ve told the world that the person I show on Twitter is the person she’s known her whole life.
… But she didn’t.
Am I really different?
I just thought that I’ve always been the confident one… The one that’s always been sure of myself.
But here I am, confidence gone.
Maybe it’s because of everything happening at once.
I pushed Levi away.
I’ll never be number one for someone like Cam.
I’m suddenly having doubts of my sister’s support for who I am.
… Is it all in my head?
Maybe it’s just the perception people will see because they expect me to be like her.
They expect me to be like Kenzie Rydell.
But I’m not Kenzie Rydell, I’ve never been her.
I stand up and turn around again and look right back into that mirror. I can see it again. I can see me.
Confident.
Smart.
Blunt.
Talented.
Wrestler.
Future heavyweight champion.
That’s Megan Rydell.
That's me.
And I'll never change.
End.
Drip…
Drip…
That’s the only sound I could hear as I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom. It’s 5AM and I’m standing here in my pajamas, trying to figure out who it is I’m looking at. My hands are gripped firmly down on the sink, because I don’t want to let go out of fear of slipping…
And no, I don’t mean the fear of slipping and falling literally, I mean it metaphorically. I let out a sigh as the same thoughts going on in my head, over and over.
Am I really putting up a front? Am I really mean spirited towards Kenzie? The words that Kenzie’s friend, Oliver, spoke towards me really stung. He said I treated Kenzie like a verbal punching bag... Is that how it seems?
Is that how people feel about it when they see us interact? That I don’t love my sister? That I don’t look up to her?
Who have you become, Megan? Are you becoming a monster? Are you becoming the kind of competitor your sister does everything in her power to stand up against?
Turning around, I slide down until I’m sitting down with my back leaning up against the sink. I’ve looked at myself enough for one day. I just want the people close to me to be proud of me… To be proud of being myself.
Kenzie… Ashleigh… Cam… Blyss… Flex…
Do they believe I put up a front? Will they be proud of me if I continue down this path that I’ve started? My entire life, I’ve felt confident in myself, I’ve felt like I could take on the world but this one moment has kicked me in the gut.
Normally what people say doesn’t bother me, especially some stranger like Oliver. But even though he’s a stranger to me, what if Kenzie has given off the vibe to him to make him say what he said to me?
She didn’t step up and defend me when he said all of it. She didn’t adamantly tell him that I wasn’t fake… She should’ve told the world that the person I show on Twitter is the person she’s known her whole life.
… But she didn’t.
Am I really different?
I just thought that I’ve always been the confident one… The one that’s always been sure of myself.
But here I am, confidence gone.
Maybe it’s because of everything happening at once.
I pushed Levi away.
I’ll never be number one for someone like Cam.
I’m suddenly having doubts of my sister’s support for who I am.
… Is it all in my head?
Maybe it’s just the perception people will see because they expect me to be like her.
They expect me to be like Kenzie Rydell.
But I’m not Kenzie Rydell, I’ve never been her.
I stand up and turn around again and look right back into that mirror. I can see it again. I can see me.
Confident.
Smart.
Blunt.
Talented.
Wrestler.
Future heavyweight champion.
That’s Megan Rydell.
That's me.
And I'll never change.
End.