Post by Kayla Richards on Jul 8, 2017 3:28:57 GMT -5
Faith
The Devil in I
Just when you think your life can’t get worse you often find the one thing that can. The one thing that can save you and destroy you all in one swoop. Faith. That great lie that millions and in fact billions of people around the world bring into their lives as a way to atone for their own personality flaws and explain away the fact that life as a whole is not fucking fair. I don’t even know why I believed. I don’t even know why I wanted to.
See 4 years ago I was sitting in an apartment in London. I had lost it all, the job, the friends. I was in school but it was losing it’s luster and I wondered, what else did the world hold?. I turned on my TV and there it was. My future. I saw my sister the great and powerful Amber fucking Richards standing in a ring. The crowd chanting her name as she held up a championship for the Imperial Wrestling Federation. She was popular, she was loved and all she had to do was be her loudmouth self and beat the shit out of people.
I wondered how she got there...and then I saw him. A dark Angel….
He stood at ringside, his smile was twisted as he applauded her. His muscular arms covered in tattoos, his long black hair flowing down his back and shoulders. He wore pre faded jeans and had a chain leading from the front belt loop to his wallet, a black leaver vest with an insignia. I was smitten. And then I saw him grab my sister by the hip, jam his tongue down her throat and take her away all while people went nuts.
I wanted it.
I needed it.
I didn’t care what it took I wanted what she had because I knew if little Amber could do it. Well. I could do it better. I packed my shit and left. I flew to the US where she had disappeared to all those years ago looking for the man who trained her. You know what I found instead?. I found lies, pain and abuse. I found a darkness that somehow made what my father did seem like a mild dream. I won’t even dignify the woman who caused it. The woman whose hatred for my sister led me towards what I was about to endure.
See the real poison in all of this. Was the faith. The fact I would give anything, do anything without question. No matter how sick or depraved. No matter how violent or painful. I did it all out of love. I should have known right there that it was a lie. I couldn’t feel that so why pretend I could?. Oh right…..
Faith….
Under the words of men
Something is tempting the father
Where is your will, my friend?
Insatiates never even bother
You and I, wrong or right
Traded a lie for the leverage
In between the lens in light
You're not what you seem
New York, USA
4 Years Ago
Undo these chains, my friend
“Do you love me child?”
The words rang in my ears as I dropped to my knees. The room was dark, no windows to bring in the light. Just an old wooden door left open and a single lightbulb above. I stayed there, my heart racing as he stood in front of me. She had left, unable to face her work. Others stood in the room. Two men, the brothers stood either side of the Dark angel. His eyes burning down at me as he impatiently waited for an answer. And answer I couldn’t give him. He would see through the lie. He would sense the lack of sincerity.
I felt the back of his hand, the rings cut my cheek as I closed my eyes. That was a mistake. His hand grabbed my chin and lifted my face to the light, the scratches oozed blood as it dripped down and onto the stone floor beneath me. The dark angel chuckled and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He leaned down looking me in the eye. I studied him, his strength was there, this was a great man I told myself over and over. She had told me that belief in him would lead to my salvation. It would lead to me becoming what I wanted.
“I love you...I worship you…”
The words spilled from my mouth and he stayed staring, judging, studying. He believed. He knew he had me. He knew that I now had faith in him and what he had told me. He let me go standing up straight as he looked at one of the brothers with a nod. He backed away and I felt their hands on me. They groped, they moved, they pulled me into position and I stared at him. I couldn’t keep my eyes of the dark angel.
I knew what was happening. I felt it all. But I didn’t cry out. I didn’t make a noise or move. I let them do everything. Every manipulation of my body. But my eyes never left his. When it was over I laid there on the stone floor. I felt the cold dampness under me as they dressed me and left me. They walked out of the room and he stood there with a grin. His hand drifting down to my head pulling it up off the stone. I felt the leather slip around my throat, I felt it buckle and tighten, a chain connected. I was theirs now. I was a dog, a pet a tool. Whatever he wanted me to be. And I would love him for it. Every smile or kind look na reward for my service.
I had faith. For in his eyes bleached in fire and forged in anger I saw the face of god. And the true god was evil. The true god was poison. The true god was blind….just like faith
