Post by Melina Wilson on Jul 1, 2017 13:48:27 GMT -5
Official Blog of Sadie Wilson
The Beginning
The Beginning
Who am I…. that is a question I asked myself for the longest time. I couldn’t even answer it. I was always someone’s girlfriend, someone’s ex, or just one of the family. I was always someone who made mistakes, who got into trouble, the one who disappeared. I was always the one with the nicknames by the guys she was involved with… Angel, Brat, Sparky, and more. I was the one who couldn’t commit for a bit, who according to some was a whore. Really though, deep down, who am I… Because honestly, I don’t know, or didn’t know could say. See there are many things about me that a lot don’t know about. There really is only one person who knows me, and has known about me, about what I have felt, and been through. I’m sure most know who that person is. Still though… maybe I should tell my story, let you all see for yourself.
I should start I guess back at the start, my childhood. Growing up in Boise as a Wilson was never fun, more so the Wilson that was always like a black sheep of the family. The one people looked down on. I never understood why, was never told why. Even Serenity would look down on me, pick on me. Oh yes, Serenity was no golden child growing up. Still this is not about her, it is about me. Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be looked at as more than what people looked at me as. I knew there was no way I could do it, so I would always be looked at as just a Wilson. Really how can you escape that, find out who you are, when just looked at as that?
Now fast forward to when everyone finally met me, heard of me. Could say it was because I was dating, and even engaged to Alex Jones. You ever just meet someone, just look them in their eyes, and everything else in the world just disappears… that was how it was for Alex, and I. I was his Angel, and he was my Devil. Only bad thing was, he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. That is what ended us the first time. Needless to say, I became a broken angel. It led me to getting a tattoo, my love of tattoos actually. It also led me to busting up my house, which he ended up coming to check on me after. That night, as soon as we seen each other, we knew it was what we wanted, we needed each other. It didn’t matter if he was with someone else, we just had to be with each other, which did lead to him cheating on his girl at the time with me. Was it wrong, yeah it was, but I don’t regret it. I just wanted to be with him. It did lead us to getting back together, but sadly it came to an end before it should of. This time it was mutual, we knew things needed to happen first before we could be together again.
Needless to say, we wouldn’t be back together again. I moved on, but he did try, but I couldn’t do it. I chose my best friend at the time over him. Do I regret it, no, because honestly I know I was not to be with him. Needless to say we did see each other off, and on after we broke up, our little meetings at his car, or other places. Two friends talking, and being honest with each other. Plus to get my necklace back he got me. I still have it, along with my ring, but sure people don’t realize that, because I did lie about it. With Alex though, I will admit, when I came back from being gone, I seen him a few times, and I did get scared. Feelings from before did come back, but I knew I couldn’t be with him, so I ran, he is why I left New York, and never wanted to go back. We have talked a bit since then, and I know now with him, it was only lust. Still, coming from this, how do you escape being an angel of any form…. How do you come back from being looked at as just being Alex’s one of many ex’s? How can you figure out who you are by this? I wish I knew.
Thinking on it all, I think I should split this up over time, let you guys read it piece, by piece. There is just so much to say, so many things that just go into who I am. For now enjoy this, till the next one.