No It Isn't (CD)

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Date: June 29th, 2017
Cameras: OFF

Click. Click. Click.

Rewinding the video to the beginning doesn’t change anything. No matter how many times Adrien Cochrane watched the video of possibly the last match of the career of Adam Sanders, it doesn’t change the result. There’s nothing that can be done. It’s happened. It’s done. It’s in the past and while he had no control on the outcome of the events that took place in the ring that fateful Sunday night, Adrien feels like this came back to him.

Adrien rubs his temple a little bit. He’s lost track of time at this point after studying the video several times. Sure there was some interference, but many people, Adrien included, overcame interference. He looks up at the time on his computer at the top right of the window, reading that it’s already five in the evening. He looks back at the closed door of his office, knowing that any minute now Stacy Sterling will come up and check on him since he’s been sitting silently in his office for a couple of hours yet, not even starting the preparation of tonight’s feast for the couple.

He looks back at the screen. The video is paused on Adam’s expression when he was leaving the ring. It was the same expression Adrien saw in the back seat of his rental car when he picked up the young man. Adam was distraught. He was dispirited and dejected.

The office door slowly opens, and although it’s fairly quiet, he can sense that Stacy was walking towards him. Before either could utter a word, Adrien felt a hand on each temple, the fingers gently caressing into his skin. No words were spoken still for a few moments before Stacy chose to break the silence in a hushed tone.

Stacy: “Hey, you’ve been up here for a few hours. I was wondering what you were working on, but now I know.”

Adrien’s girlfriend removes her hands from his head and reaches over, turning the monitor off before kneeling down in front of him.

Stacy: “Go ahead, lay it all on me. Obviously Adam and his match are the topic of your over-thoughtfulness and the reason you haven’t started making dinner yet, which I totally understand. You love the guy...so do I. You aren’t blaming yourself for any of this, are you?”

Adrien made himself a promise that he would never tell Stacy a lie. He’s been completely silent on social media about how much everything the past week has troubled him because he never wants the public to see him when he’s vulnerable. But Stacy...he couldn’t hide that from her.

Adrien: “The kid counted on me to prepare him for this career path he chose. I took him and Kenzie in after they practically begged me to train them. Adam used to be this kid who sat in the front row of every EXODUS Pro show. Never missed a show either. He’d show up with Betsy Granger and Patrick Carson every two weeks, sit in the exact same seat in Section B. When I won that match against Legion when I was the last man standing in an eight man tag match, he was there, cheering for me. He cheered me on when I won my World Title from Heather and even when I lost it to Zero McHannon. He got into this mess because of me. And I told myself I couldn’t afford to let him get into this business and let it ruin him. And it has, Stacy. This kid disappeared for twenty-four hours because wrestling has literally crushed his spirit to the point where he is struggling just to look himself in the mirror.”

Stacy: “You know what though? If you feel you’re to blame, then you’re also the person that can help him. He looks up to you...so so much. You’re his hero, Adrien. Not Superman, or Batman, or even me, but you.”

Stacy places a finger on the knee of her boyfriend and gives a slight push, turning the area of his skin red from the touch. As she removes her finger, the skin returns to its normal shade.

Stacy: “What I love about you is that you take the burdens and problems of everyone you care about and you make them your own. You did so much for Adam. Because of you, he has been able to live his dream, and sure it hasn’t started how he would like, but that isn’t your fault. You prepared him for this. He will improve, but he can’t quit. You should talk to him. Let him know that the wins and losses may feel like they mean everything, but right now what means more than that is experience, and appreciating every moment that he gets the chance to live his dream.”

Stacy could see the wheels turning in Adrien’s head, but his eyes remained firmly on the carpet of the office floor.

Stacy: “If Adam never met you, do you think he would have gotten the chance to wrestle? There’s a chance because he loves it, but it’s because of the knowledge you’ve instilled in him, and the doors you helped open that his journey has taken off has quickly as it has. You can’t let him quit, Adrien. Talk to him. If he still decides that this isn’t for him, then at least you know you did everything you could.”

There’s a bit of silence between the two for a few seconds.

Adrien: “I’m not sure he would have gotten on this path if he hadn’t met me and started dating Kenzie. Had it not been for me, he’d probably be doing...whatever it is people with telecommunications degrees do.”

Adrien realizes the gap in his knowledge about the field of study Adam graduated from college with but realizes he’s off topic.

Adrien: “He might see me as a hero, but do I really deserve to be one? He was put in this position by me. Otherwise, he’d be sitting comfortably at home by five o’clock every night, making a lot more money than he is wrestling, and not having to worry about being beaten in a two on one attack or called a woman beater by Kenzi Grey, or even kidnapped by Chris Marks two years ago.”

His blue eyes look up from the beige carpet to the equally blue eyes of his girlfriend.

Adrien: “I’ve failed him, Stacy. And I have tried talking to him. He was ready to never touch a wrestling ring again when I spoke to him after his match. I’m shocked he went through with the plan I hatched, and while it was going to give Adam a chance to perhaps not give up his dream, it meant I had to give up being the one to bring him to the next level. I dropped him off at the doorstep of Ryan Corey and hoped he could do what I couldn’t.”

The Dropkick King takes a deep breath before continuing.

Adrien: “I pride myself in being that guy who never gives up. Who never quits. But that’s easy for me to do when it’s my body on the line. It’s easy to do when we’re just talking about what someone can do to me. But when it’s something I have literally no control over and it’s happening to someone I care about...even if it’s not Adam but you or Kenzie or even if something happens to Eddie...I guess I found out where that line is.”

The eye contact wasn’t enough for Stacy. She took Adrien’s right hand in her own and gave it a squeeze. No matter what they were going through, the touch from the other usually helped, even if only a little bit.

Stacy: “If you hate being the guy that gives up then DON’T give up! You talked to him, so? You can talk to him again and again and again!”

Stacy laughs a little, hoping her laughter was contagious, but so far, it hasn’t been.

Stacy: “People around you are going to get hurt. We’re going to get sick, or hurt in a match, or upset over a match that we train really hard for, only to fall short, but Adrien...we’re going to get back up, with your help. You’re the glue that holds everything together for so many people. The peanut butter between the two slices of bread, the cream filling between Oreo cookies...that’s you.”

Her squeeze on his hand intensifies but was still gentle at the same time.

Stacy: “I need you to get up from that chair and walk downstairs with me and prepare dinner. Then, I need you to call Adam and let him talk. Just listen this time. I’m sure if he will vent to anyone, it will be you. Maybe then you will figure out how you can truly help him.”

Adrien: “I think Kenzie and Betsy are a bit higher on the list of people he would talk to right now.”

Stacy doesn’t react to him stating that but starts pulling him up by his hands. Although Stacy was literally lifting him, it was enough to make Adrien’s body cooperate and stand.

Adrien: “Besides, he’s probably still doing some training stuff with Ryan right now.”

Stacy: “Well then he will just have to take a little itsy bitsy break from training, won’t he?”

With both now standing, Stacy is able to lead him out of the office and towards the stairs.

Stacy: “Remember that time when we were training, and I had a weird sudden craving for soft serve ice cream? We picked Adam up on the way and we all had a good time. Maybe we could do something like that again sometime soon? If you can’t cheer him up, I’m sure I could do something. I’d like to help. He means the world to you, so he also means a lot to me.”

Adrien: “He’s like a little brother to me. And when you have as many older brothers as I do and only a sister as the younger sibling, it’s something I’ve never experienced before him. Besides, are we really going to drive all the way to St. Louis for ice cream, something I can’t even eat. We have to head up to Washington D.C. for our matches tomorrow evening.”

Stacy has managed to drag the Dropkick King into the kitchen. She positions him in front of his gas cooktop in the island. She even grabs a big white chef’s hat and places it atop the head of the New Orleans native.

Adrien: “I don’t even know what I’m cooking right now…”

Stacy: “Well, you’re cooking something yummy, and you look adorbs in that hat!”

Stacy’s nose crinkles as she smiles.

Stacy: “But you did cook up a very valid point about the trip to St. Louis, but how about this? How about after our matches, we make that trip and drag him out of the dorm if we have to. If by the time we finish with him, he isn’t feeling even a little better, I will totally allow you to retreat to your office for a few days and I won’t so much as peek my nose in. BUT...if we can help even a little bit, you have to agree to transfer some of that weight on your shoulders to mine so we can tackle this and everything else together, okay? I mean we do make a pretty rad tag team, remember?”

Adrien: “First of all, did you seriously just make a cooking pun? Secondly...don’t let Honey hear you say that because apparently, she wants to be the best tag team partner I’ve ever had, not caring about all the World Champions I’ve worked with. Thirdly, you really want this burden on you? Because feeling like this...this guilt and helplessness...I wouldn’t wish this upon you. Your positivity is honestly the only thing keeping me hopeful about literally anything right now.”

The former three-time World Champion turns to retrieve something from the refrigerator, catching a glimpse of how dorky he looks with the chef hat on in the reflection of the wall oven next to the refrigerator.

Adrien: “If you want to eat before it gets too late, your options are hamburgers, spaghetti and meatballs, and perhaps grilled chicken. I’ll let you choose this time.”

Stacy: “I would actually like an entree of burden followed by a pinch of that guilt…”

Stacy shakes her head and laughs, that was cheesy, even for her and she knew it, but she didn’t care.

Stacy: “Okay that was cheesetastic and I think you still kind of liked it, but seriously, share everything with me and we can get through it together. I’m actually going to call Adam after we eat and I’m challenging him to a game of pool on our phones. He can totally beat me in that and maybe it will help him, who knows.”

Stacy snatches the chef hat from Adrien’s head and puts it on herself.

Stacy: “And now you have a Dropkick King’s little helper...or maybe a big helper? I’m not super fun size am I?”

Adrien: “You’re about the normal size of a female wrestler as far as I’m concerned. You’re not that much shorter than me.”

The six foot one Adrien looks down at the five foot eight Stacy, who still has the hat on, which adds enough height to barely peak above the top of Adrien’s head.

Adrien: “And yeah, no one beats Adam in any video game on the planet. iPhone pool is included in that. Plus, you still haven’t picked an actual food item here and we’re probably stressing this fridge’s compressor at some point.”

Sporting possibly the worst fake italian accent ever, Stacy replies.

Stacy: “I would like the pasta and the meatballs please, sir!”

Adrien: “Come vuoi.”

Knowing how Stacy never understands anything he says when he speaks French, he translates the Italian phrase for her.

Adrien: “That’s Italian. Means ‘As you wish.’ Sorry, picked that up from some movie. Regardless, yeah, spaghetti. I’ll have it ready in like thirty minutes if you want to take your shower or anything.”

Stacy: “Well, I was going to help you, but if you insist on chefing it up on your own, I’ll take you up on that shower thingy. I think I could use one.”

Laughing, she removes the chef hat and places it back on Adrien’s head once again before placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

Stacy: “If you change your mind and need me, just shout for me, babybabe.”

With that, Stacy exits the kitchen and heads back upstairs to clean up before dinner, leaving Adrien alone with his thoughts and the necessary ingredients to prepare dinner for them. Adrien removes an onion. He sets it atop the cutting board and he stares into space for a moment.

Was Stacy right? Was giving up being the guy who can say he put Adam on the right path and letting the man who put Adrien there the correct decision? Is this just Adrien trying to escape his guilt for every time he has to endure watching Adam get beaten and lose another match?

Or maybe this is a challenge that he and Adam can overcome together. Maybe this was something that Adam would grow from like the early losses of Adrien’s career. As he told Stacy, it’s one thing when it’s something Adrien has to endure himself. He has no problem dealing with that. He’s been doing that most of his career. It’s the fact that there is this young person who isn’t even twenty-five years old yet who has so much potential, whether it’s in wrestling or in another field. Even if “Nightbringer” Ryan Corey can fix Adam, does that prove that Adrien was the problem after all?

No. It isn’t.

Adrien shakes his head and shrugs off his doubt as he grabs the chef knife and starts slicing the onion.

Adrien: “One step at a time.”

Like cooking his loving girlfriend the meal she wants, it can’t all come at once and it is a culmination of more than one person. Someone grew the onion. And the other vegetables that will be part of the meal, as well as the sauce and even the company that made the noodles Adrien, will use. And that’s what this needs to be. Sure, Ryan Corey will probably make a huge improvement on Adam in the long run, but Adrien got him started. Kenzie makes him feel loved. Stacy is always cheering for him. Eddie is always working his tail off arranging his travel and even speaking on camera for him. And Betsy stops him from feeling sorry for himself the moment things don’t go his way. It was an apotheosis of all of these people that will give Adam the support he needs.

Adrien just hopes it will be enough. He isn’t sure he can watch Adam struggle much longer because it wasn’t just breaking Adam’s spirit, but it is also breaking Adrien’s heart.

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A cry for less attention 

But both my hands are tied 

And I'm pushed into the deep end 

I listen to you talk but talk is cheap 

And my mouth is filled with blood 

From trying not to speak 

So search for an excuse 

And someone to believe you 

In foreign dressing rooms 

I'm empty with the need to 

Curse my enemies forever 

Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful 

This desperation leaves me overjoyed 

With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy

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