Post by Izzy Roxx on Jun 10, 2017 16:13:19 GMT -5
The latest video uploaded to the West Coast Genesis website opens to an undeniably panoramic, but not altogether inspiring vista over the California desert. Red sand stretches into the horizon, as far as the eye can see, a towering cactus standing tall here and there to add a splash of green to the otherwise monotone landscape.
This is the type of scenery the camera lingers over, slowly panning from side to side as it takes in the absolute bleakness of the surrounding area. Just as WCG fans across America begin to aim for the 'X' button at the top of their browsers, however, a young female voice comes through, echoing what are presumably the feelings of a large portion of the video's viewers:
'Where the heck are we, Seth?'
Another voice – this one clearly male, though sounding just as young as its counterpart – arises from behind the camera, its two spoken words at once apologetic and defiant:
'I dunno.'
'You dunno?' The first voice sounds incredulous. 'You mean we're lost?!'
'Uh...yeah...kind'a...I guess...I dunno...'
The cameraman sounds clearly flustered as he owns up to his mistake, but this does not put off his female interloper in the slightest:
'Kind'a, you guess? Seth, this is So Cal. You live here. How the heck are you gonna get lost in your own freaking home turf?!'
'This isn't our home turf, Iz,' the male protests. 'Just 'cause it's the same state, doesn't mean we're close to home. There's way more to So Cal than just Beverly Hills, y'know...'
'Who said anything about Beverly Hills?!' The female voice suddenly sounds slightly panicky, as if the speaker is trying to hide or overcompensate for something. 'Nobody said anything about Beverly Hills! Beverly Hills is boring!'
'Uh-huh...' The cameraman does not sound entirely convinced, but before he can expand on his argument any further, his interloper diverts his train of thought by stepping in front of the camera and squinting into it. She is a petite girl in her mid-to-late teens, her dyed black hair streaked with shades of blue and green, and her green eyes piercing as she leans over to peer into the lens.
'Why aren't you filming, anyway?', she asks, as she enforces a close-up of her chipmunk-cheeked face. 'Is this thing even on?'
'Yeah.' comes the cameraman's voice once again.
'Great. Just shut up and film, then.'
Then, before her friend can so much as put a word in edgewise, the girl fixes her slightly teased hair and offers the camera a grimace, as she states:
'I have no idea where we are. In the middle of nowhere, apparently, 'cause Seth's a doofus who can't read maps!'
The girl reaches into the lens, presumably to smack her cameraman – an intent which is confirmed a moment later, as a loud cry of 'OW!' comes from behind the camera. The girl's expression, however, remains unflappable as she snaps:
'Serves you right!'
Then, addressing viewers at home directly once again, she adds:
'Don't worry...you'll learn to love him.'
A moment later, a huge smile breaks across the youth's face, as the bottom half of the screen is taken over by a big, flashing hashtag
'#SETHSUCKS'
The girl points down at the edited-in effect for a moment, then switches to a double sign-of-the-devil as she continues:
'Anyway, what up, Izzyverse? You know who this is. Your Supreme Ruler. Your Big Kahuna. Your Cheeso Supremo. The Izztastic One. That Izz-traordinary girl. The one! The only...IZZZZZZYYYY RRRRROOOOOOXXXXXX!'
The girl takes a deep, over-dramatic bow before continuing:
'And if you don't know who this is...you better keep your pupils peeled for the next West Coast Genesis show. 'Cause next Saturday...you're about to discover the coolest wrestler you've never known. A wrestler who's too cool for school and lit like a firepit. Who rocks your socks and blows your nose. Who's got moves like Jagger and swag like a Jag. Who's sweet like a sundae and prickly like a pineapple. Who moves like a butterfly and stings like a bee...and her name iiiiiiiisssssss...'
The youngster starts a drum roll, but her excited expression immediately turns into one of dull incredulity as she deadpans:
'...well, her name's Izzy Roxx. 'Cause it's me. Obviously. Like, duh.'
It does not take long, however, for her tone to pick back up again, as she goes on to address her opponent in her official debut match:
'Anyway, on Saturday, the Izzmeister's gonna take the first step in her quest for world domination. And the first guy unlucky enough to feel the WRATH OF IZZTHOR is gonna be..not Josh Kennedy.'
The non-sequitur presumably confuses some viewers,; Izzy herself, however does not seem put off by her random observation, instead simply adding:
'No. Seriously. It's legit not him. It's some dude named Jimmy.'
Then, as if the entire aside had not happened, she continues:
'Anyway, this Jimmy dude? Way out of his depth. WAY out of his depth. I know he's done some stuff, over in New York or whatever, but dude...this ain't New York, 'k? You're a loooong way from New York. This right here...is the Izzyverse. And in the Izzyverse...IZZTHOR calls the shots!'
'#IZZYVERSE' flashes on the screen, as Seth's voice is heard for the first time in a long while:
'Uh...actually, this is the desert...'
'Shut up, Seth,' the girl snaps, not missing a beat as she continues:
'That's right, Jimmy Jams...on Saturday...you're gonna walk into another dimension. Another dimension OF PAIN!!!'
Izzy's growl is not entirely convincing, but she barely gives it time to register before switching register yet again:
'Lemme ask you something, Jim Beam...you ever get your butt kicked by a 100-pound girl? I mean, you're a big dude and all...but you don't look like the type who gets into fights, know what I'm sayin'? You don't look cool enough to to be a bad boy. And the Izzmeister? The Izzmeister was born cool and just grew big.'
'Uh, Iz? You've never been in any fights either,' Seth points out, to a predictable response from his interloper:
'Shut. UP. Seth!'
Then, once again addressing the camera:
'So yeah, Jimmy Crack Corn...on Saturday, you better be ready. You better be ready to face THE FURY OF IZZTHOR!'
The words 'THE FURY OF IZZTHOR' blink directly below Izzy as she continues:
''Cause see, Jim...I may look like some dumb high-school junior who doesn't know a suplex from a hashtag...but didn't your mama ever tell you looks can be deceiving? Didn't she ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover? 'Cause see Jimmy...the fact is...I may look like TMZ on the outside...but on the inside, I'm freaking Encyclopedia Dramatica. I can hurt you in ways you don't even know you could be hurt, and once I'm done with you, you'll be the butt monkey of the Internet!'
'...or West Coast Genesis...'
'...or West Coast Genesis. GOSH DANG IT, Seth!'
Her composure now considerably thrown, it takes Izzy considerable effort – and a good three seconds – to regroup. Even after she does, however, her cocksure tone and posture seem somewhat less confident than before, somewhat undermining the impact of her final few words:
'So Jimmy...make sure you're ready when you get in that ring on Saturday. 'Cause like a dude way cooler than you once said...when you come at the king, you best not miss. And in the Izzyverse...I am the king!'
'Uh, Iz? Technically, you can't be the king. You gotta be the Qu---'
Seth never finishes his sentence; a primal growl of rage cuts across his final word, a dark blur moving rapidly across the lens and causing it to drop to the ground below.
It is on a close-up of grains of soil and some muffled sounds of struggle that the video ends.