Post by Kayla Richards on Jun 10, 2017 5:57:39 GMT -5
The Beginning.
What have you done?
This is my story. Not my either of my sisters. Not my brothers, not my boyfriends. But mine. There is one person on this earth that can know the complex emotions of what I have gone through but she chose to go a different way than I. So while Amber knows the path I’ve walked since she technically stepped before me, the roads forked and changed as we both did with age. Now I firmly believe that to trace the path of a person you need to go back to the beginning. The central point to which someone’s personality began to form in this narrative. This also helps establish the villains and heroes…..
Well, if I’m being honest there are no heroes in my story. You see the world is not a happy shiny place filled with smiles and laughter that makes children grow into functioning members of society. At Least, not in my world. Not in my story. You see I, Kayla LeAnn Richards am 23 years old. And as of right now I am a successful professional wrestler having comeback from a year absence to put the fear of fucking god in an entire company. I’m engaged to one of the most successful world champions of the modern age. My sister, my biggest rival has become a domesticated house plant and my younger sister makes goo goo eyes at a muscle bound fool while my brother is missing.
This is what I am faced with. My life has turned that corner and I am now what most would consider “happy”. Of course. That would be if I could feel it. But digress from my point and from the journey I am preparing to take you on. You see in the past I have shown you snippets of my recent life. The trials and tribulations I have gone through since I turned 18. But even that, the story of degradation and pain, the betrayals and constant use of my body and heart for others sick pleasures are just a happy fairytale compared to what I will share.
As I mentioned before, the one person I know who could share the pain and understand how my mind works splintered and went as whole other way than me. And maybe one day she will share her story. But for me it started, I mean REALLY started when I was 6 years old, with seeing something I shouldn’t and the start of the idea that daddy dearest was not perfect. And that the pain I was going to feel would change me forever…..
“Would you mind if I hurt you?
Understand that I need to
Wish that I had other choices
than to harm the one I love”
Norwich England
17 Years Ago….
“He didn’t really mean it…”
It was a usual cold winter for us. The snow had begun to fall. But only as a thin layer that would soon mix with the dirt outside and become a brown frozen slurry. That’s how it was here. We were denied the “fun” part of snow. Fluffy white promises a lie and a brown thick mess a reality. Our house was small, only three bedrooms. One for our parents and a crib for my brand new baby sister Tasmin Marie. One for myself and Amber, my sister two years older. And a bedroom for the oldest, our brother Jackson. He sat doing his homework along with Amber. I simply sat in the corner playing as our mother stood in the kitchen preparing a meal.
It’s funny but the memory is so vivid I can close my eyes and smell it. The vegetables stewing with the stock and pearl barley. A rich symphony drifting through all the rooms. I didn’t know it at the time or feel it but all of my siblings were on edge except Tasmin. Jackson moved and winced as a shock wave of pain seemed to go through his ribs. Amber was quiet and seemed lost. The look in her eyes screaming for help but from something that at the time was so foreign to me, I was a different person. I looked to our mother, she stared quietly, unmoving. Unfeeling. A sadness about her.
Then everything changed and shifted. The door opened and our father walked in. I was happy to see him. Jackson and Amber both had a reaction of pure fear. Our mother hid hers well. He stepped in through the house shutting the door hard behind him, the slamming sound causing Amber to shoot in the air as Jackson closed his eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh as it surprised me. I heard whispers, I heard the talking. Our father turned to me with a smile that made me feel uneasy as it always did, I smiled back and waved. Amber shaking her head stepping in front of me to get his attention. A move that I didn’t understand at the time, the foolish jealousy I felt then a reminder of how naive I really was.
The meal went through as normal. A silent ritual. The after dinner movements the same. Done in silence as our father, the king of his castle sat and watched the football on TV. Jackson sat on the floor, avoiding any movement that might offend my father’s senses. Tasmin had been taken to bed, my mother putting her in her crib and going through the usual bedtime. Amber grabbed me quickly taking me into out bedroom to do the same. Her job as the older sister. She read me a story, my eyes were heavy and then I drifted off to sleep….
My eyes opened. For some reason I didn’t stay asleep. The blurry light coming from my small night light allowing me to see just enough. A figure in our room. Moving close to Amber’s bed. I stayed silent and refused to move as it became clearer. I wondered why Amber wasn’t waking up, the figures hands moved under her blankets, touching, grabbing, moving. How could she not be awake?. My mouth opened and I went to call out until something caught my eye. Amber’s hand….
It clutched her blanket tight and then I realised. She was awake, she was pretending, keeping her eyes shut as her lip trembled. A second figure entered, I heard whispers, I heard them grow loud to the point I could almost make out a word. They left the room, I slid from my bed and dropped to my knees feeling the cold hard wood floors beneath them, our bedroom door cracked open enough that I looked through into the light.
Our parents argued. Hushed aggressive words spat between them, my father’s hand slipped sideways connecting with my mothers cheek, she fell sideways. Jackson’s door opened, he turned and the sound of skin and bone hitting the same echoed as I saw my brother hit the ground. My mother whimpered and cried. I heard him laugh, I heard him mutter words as he grabbed her by the hair. Jackson slid into his room and nI heard his door shut…..then I heard the sound of pants unzipping…..Amber grabbed the door shutting it, I turned looking up at her, tears quickly drying in her eyes as she shook.
I went back to bed, but I didn’t sleep. Neither did Amber. And that was the beginning. That was the first memory I have of the world becoming just that little bit darker…..
