Post by Austen Blackwell on May 20, 2017 16:35:46 GMT -5
WHERE: Oceanside Pier - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2017
Austen was sitting on the pier and there were a few people making their way up and down it. He had been talking to a new friend for a little bit and they had decided to meet up in Oceanside at the pier, and spend some time together. Being off in Mexico for six months, Austen had lost touch with the couple of friends he had that headed off to college. Life was finally starting to pick up for him. After high school, his concentration was on college and planning the next stage of his life. A once in a lifetime opportunity has opened up for Austen to travel to Mexico. He tried to balance college and wrestling, but as the time went on Austen felt he needed to be true to himself and follow his heart. His heart and his passion was wrestling. He decided to pull out of college, finish his tour in Mexico, and promised to himself to dive ahead fully into professional wrestling.
And social media was step one of networking. That same decision helped Austen to find his support. The one person to have his back. And the one person that just ‘got him’.
* * * * * * * * * *
WHERE: Hotel - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2016
Austen was not always a beam of positivity. After returning home and headed to his room, things could have turned for the worse earlier in the night.Austen had booked a hotel room for Brooke and himself after Prom. She had broken his heart just a short time before prom, and he was not able to cancel the booking. After seeing her giggle and laugh with James, Austen decided to walk out. And walk. And walk some more. He found himself outside of the hotel where he and Brooke were to stay. It was never his intention to plan anything. This was not a moment of promising to lose his virginity, or to make some grandiose declaration to her about his love. It was simply a boy trying to be with his girlfriend. A boy that loved a girl, though he would learn the feelings were never mutual.
Austen headed inside and checked in, alone. Figuring he could let alcohol touch his lips for the first time, he took advantage of the situation. Heading upstairs and into the room, he flipped the light on. He had forgotten that he asked for flowers and a teddy bear for Brooke. They had gone to waste, but the reminder twisted the knife. Into the minibar, Austen pulled out bottle of all sorts; whiskey, vodka, rum, and the sort. One after another, he downed them. His first experience with alcohol and it would turn out for the worst.
* * * * * * * * * *
WHERE: Oceanside Pier - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2017
Austen had arrived a couple of hours early to the Pier to wait for her. He checked the time, and knew that she was landing soon. She was renting a car and driving from Los Angeles down to him in Oceanside. Austen was never an impulsive individual, and this was far out of his norm. He was just going with the flow as a cute girl was willing to come and hang out. He decided to send her a message checking on her flight. She had landed and was heading towards renting a car. It was happening. He was this close. Through high school, Brooke would taken him for granted. He had barely kissed her and felt so in love. What would it be like when a girl actually wanted to be with him? He was both nervous, and excited.
He sat on the last bench near the stairs. He could see the parking lot when she pulled up. The people had started to clear and Austen was one of the few people left on the pier. The lights of the city off in the distance, it was a nice night but he would wait out in the weather, even if it was storming.
* * * * * * * * * *
WHERE: Hotel - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2016
Venturing around the room in a haze, Austen found the usual collection of soaps, shampoos, and other personal care items in the bathroom. They had included a razor as they often catered toward businessmen looking to stay groomed. Austen did not think twice of it. He decided to look around a bit more as he grabbed another random bottle of alcohol; this time it was tequila. He uncapped it and took a swig. Boy did it burn. He almost immediately spit it back up all over himself. Already having a shitty night, Austen decided to take his shirt off as the alcohol has gotten through but button up. He had spit up tequila on his body. Turning the water on in the tub, he decided to run a bath. Maybe a nice relaxing soak would help calm him. He slowly got undressed and headed into the tub.
Grabbing his phone, he saw pictures from Prom. Plenty of people smiling, laughing, and having the time of their lives. He was missing out.This right of passage, and he was all alone. On this night that was such a build up, Austen was beginning to lose it. Photo after photo. Classmate after classmate. Until he scrolled and saw it. A picture of Brooke winning Prom Queen. And her King. Yup. It was him. James Wyatt II. Austen lost it, and the phone slipped out of his hands and into the tub.
* * * * * * * * * *
WHEN: April 2017
She had messaged him that she was on the way. Less than an hour, and she would be there. Should be hug her? Probably. Should be kiss her? He would probably want to, but he knew to be a gentleman. She was obviously cute, but he knew that thinking too much into things was not good. It had gotten him to a dark place before. This was a fresh start. A new friend. A new set of memories. A clean slate.
He would see the last couple head off of the pier and down towards the parking lot. He smiled knowing that one day he could have that too. Holding hands. Just enjoying each other’s time. Being together. He could hope for those sorts of things, but it was important to not get ahead of himself. One step at a time Austen.
He received a message. She was ten minutes away. Ten minutes! His stomach turned. Nervousness. Excitement. Would she be disappointed? Would she be excited to see him too? He didn’t know what to feel. Ten minutes!
* * * * * * * * * *
WHERE: Hotel - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2016
Grabbing his phone out, it was done for.
“Fuck!” he yelled.
Austen was usually not one to use coarse language. Even alone. But nothing went his way tonight. He looked around the room, and saw it again. The shine of the fresh blaze in the razor. He heard about people hurting themselves to take the pain away. And right now he would do anything to take away the pain. The alcohol did nothing more than make him feel sick to his stomach. It gave him and headache and further made him feel like he was not himself.
Standing up and reaching to the sink, he grabbed the razor. It was a cheap, plastic bit that was worth pennies on the dollar but it might just do the job. Austen would try and work the blaze out of the cheap plastic.
“Ouch!”
He nicked his thumb in the process. But finally the blade snapped out of the plastic. It never occurred to Austen that he could make the wrong decision and make a fatal decision in his life with his choices. He just wanted the pain to go away.
As the cold steel split his skin, the red would pool on his arm and drip into the pool.
The feeling of the pain hurt more than Austen ever thought. But it did take his mind off of things. It took his mind off of Brooke. And everyone that brought the pain into his life. He was pushed off of his positive outlook in life and felt like a real teenager in this moment.
This was a decision that Austen could never change. It was a decided that Austen would regret. But it was also a turning point. He would never let anyone hurt him like that again. He allowed himself to hurt. And he was hurting himself. No one… could ever be allowed to hurt himself again.
Austen sat there in the red stained water for half an hour before getting the will to realize he wanted to come back from all of it. He wanted to better himself. And follow his own path.
Austen drained the tub, and cleaned up, He tosses the razor away into the garbage can.
Grabbing some gauze, he taped up his arms to hide the marked in both arms.
The marks would become a permanent mark on his arms. They were deep. But nothing was ever as deep as the hurt that people put him through.
* * * * * * * * * *
WHERE: Oceanside Pier - Oceanside, California
WHEN: April 2017
The car pulled up. Was it her? He got a text. It was. This is it. This was the moment. He saw her step out of the car. She was more beautiful in person. He could see her a bit nervous, it was to be expected.
She walked up towards the pier as he stood atop of the stairs.
“Hey.” he said.
“Hi.” she replied.
With open arms he takes her in for a big hug.
“I am glad you are here, Mercedes.” he said.
“Me too.” She smiled
Looking at her, their eyes locked. And as if they each knew, they kissed.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Nobody Can Save Me”
Linkin Park
I'm dancing with my demons
I'm hanging off the edge
Storm clouds gather beneath me
Waves break above my head
Headfirst hallucination
I wanna fall wide awake now
You tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
But nobody can save me now
I'm holding up a light
I'm chasing out the darkness inside
'Cause nobody can save me
Stared into this illusion
For answers yet to come
I chose a false solution
But nobody proved me wrong
Headfirst hallucination
I wanna fall wide awake
Watch the ground giving way now
You tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
But nobody can save me now
I'm holding up a light
I'm chasing out the darkness inside
'Cause nobody can save me
Been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here (I wanna fall wide awake now)
I've been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here (I wanna fall wide awake now)
I wanna fall wide awake now
So tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
And only I can save me now
I'm holding up a light
Chasing out the darkness inside
And I don't wanna let you down
But only I can save me!
Been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here