Johnny Maverick- Broadcast Interruption

Your regularly scheduled program is interrupted by static. The static gives way to a logo reading 'THE JOHNNY MAVERICK BOOTLEG SHOW'. We pan down from the logo to find Johnny sitting at what looks like the old Alex Jones 'Infowars' set.

"Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and neighbours, fellow vibrations in the mind of the one true God whose name is love. It is I, the Psychic Warrior known to you mortals as Johnny Maverick or 'Jay Mizzle' if you've got a little swag. Do you believe your country when it tells you you're free? As has previously been mentioned, my father was part of the MKUltra project. A top secret government project that was only rumored until documents regarding it were declassified by the CIA in 2001. Now I want you to keep in mind that the only reason the CIA would release documents detailing them giving test victims LSD and torturing them in an effort to test the limits of the human mind to possibly exacerbate potential psychic powers is because enough people investigated and came forward. Apparently after a few years in the program one of the operatives was triggered by a code word later in their life and killed a close friend of theirs with the back part of a rip hammer... you know, the part that's meant to rip out nails. Yeah, that's a true story. My father was involved in that and ever since my father passed away, I have been researching his notes on all of the shady things the government has been up to as well as my father documenting that he believed that I, his offspring, had inherited psychic abilities. I have strayed from my topic and I apologize." Johnny says. He reaches out to grab an empty glass but right before his hand touches it one of his Hoodie Ninjas fills it up. Johnny takes a drink.

"The point is that the only way we ever get any truth out of the government is by making them. By finding evidence they can no longer deny. Which is why I, YOUR super sexy Psychic Saviour, have committed myself to using the open forum that being an insanely popular professional wrestler has allowed me to spread the truth. That being said, let's talk about the Illuminati." Johnny says.

"The Illuminati are a sinister secret order of individuals who control the media, government, industry, and everything from the shadows and are believed by many to also have connections to Satanists. Their commonly associated symbol is an all-seeing eye at the top of a pyramid. Many theorize that individuals involved in the Illuminati have a greeting in which they form a small representation of the pyramid with their hands and DOES THE FOLLOWING IMAGE NOT BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND OUT OF YOUR SHITHOLE?!?!?!"



"That's right! Avery was being super kind and courteous to me so I got suspicious and I believe I have uncovered, through my investigations, that he has been a secret Illuminati soldier this whole time! In fact, the reason he is leaving shortly is because he finally has been activated now that he has been given a chance to take ME out! The match against Gavin is just a cover-up! I'm the real target because I know too much! Clearly I have arrived at the only logical conclusion. I mean, why else would he be forced to have that haircut if it wasn't there to hide the scars present for his cranial implant? Wait, you all know about the Illuminati mind-controlling and mind-altering cranial implant right? Do some googling, I don't have the time to properly explain it to you, who knows how long this whole pirate tv broadcast thing I've got running is going to last before the government shuts me down. The point is that perhaps Devlins issues with me weren't the fact that he had some sort of Alpha Male inferiority complex and felt threatened by me... perhaps the Illuminati tipped him off and he was trying to protect me before I pissed him off enough to fight me! Perhaps BECAUSE he signed me the Illuminati forced him to sign one of their worst assassins to come after specifically me in an attempt to ruin my career by relegating me to a lower mid-card feud with a nobody! Holy shit! Danny Hall is a Shadow government-assigned career ruiner! Or perhaps he was assigned by a seperate group from the Illuminati....perhaps it was their known rivals who exercise similar control... the Lizard People! Of course you all know the well-documented rumors that a race of highly evolved humanoid lizards control things from the shadows much like the Illuminati does but I am not afraid! I will overcome Avery Miles upcoming attempt on my life and Danny Hall's attempt on how i make enough money to buy alcohol, pudding, and the means to stock my new bomb shelter with MRE's and canned goods for when World War 4 begins. World War 3 actually already happened between the Illuminati and the Lizard People but they did it so secretly that none of you even noticed!" Johnny says.

"I will NOT be fooled by your charm and milfy haircut, Avery. I know a plot to take me out when I see one and I can assure you wou will not be successful. I'll have the Hoodie ninjas out in the crowd flagging potential snipers through our whole match. I may have been NAMED after our 35th president but I ain't going out like he did. And before you ask YES there multiple gunmen and YES they were lizard people. They were able to easilly escape because they hide like Chameleons. Google that shit." Johnny says dismissively like he's talking to a kindergarten class. Johnny finishes is water and one of the Hoodie Ninjas takes it from him.

Just remember folks that when it comes to facing off with all of the liars in your government....Never Give Up. Never Surrender...and NEVER Relent. We meet at the bar across from the Capitol Building every other wednesday and the password in has been encoded throughout this video in the form of various thought projections. Join the Resistance. Psychic Warfare is REAL." Johnny says. There is a small moment of silence.

"Oh! I was also gonna talk about how the Terror Twins are actually clones sent t-" Johnny says before the feed cuts out and we are left with static.