Post by Blair Kivisto on Apr 30, 2017 15:52:50 GMT -5
~Off Camera 04/23/17-
Brother showing up, love of my life gone, tossed out on my ass and got my partner fired. What's next? How much hell does one person have to go through in this world before the universe finally decides they've had enough.
My mind buzzed over all the things that had happened lately as I sat against the outside wall of the venue security had just tossed me out of. Granted I was beyond fucked up, no smart person would let anyone into a ring in my condition.
“What have I ever fucking done to deserve this shit storm!?”
Not able to hold it in anymore I screamed that out at the top of my lungs, my head resting back against the wall as my eyes focused up on the sky.
“Have I really been such a piece of shit that I can't have some kind of happiness in my life? Am I just destined to watch everyone around me get a happy ending while I sit by and pretend to be okay with dying alone?”
As the words poured out of my lips I blinked back the water my eyes had been building up, causing a few tears to run down my face. To say I was a mess was an understatement.
“Why don't you just die, like your marriage did… Fuck that hurt… I never wanted this to happen. I… Fuck…”
At this point the tears flowed freely from my eyes as the words just poured out. Little did I know I wasn't alone.
“Come on.”
The male voice rang in my ears, causing me to cringe slightly at the familiarity of it and sure enough as I looked over to where it came from I found myself staring at Gabriel Laroux.
“Leave me alone, Gabe.”
“You asked me to be here for you. That's what I'm doing, get off your ass and let's go.”
“And look how fucking well that turned out.”
Gabe sighed, clearly getting a bit annoyed by this. Instead of waiting for me to get up he reached down and grabbed me by my arms before hoisting me over his shoulder.
“Sitting outside and crying isn't helping. Not to mention you're drunk. Are you trying to get murdered?...”
He went on lecturing me as he hauled me back to his rental car, not having the energy to fight out of this I just let it happen. The thought of getting back to the hotel and drowning in the bed was the only comforting thought I had at this point.
~Bitch’s Blog~
It's a domino effect really… One bad thing after the other. My oldest brother, may he rest in hell comes back, threatens me… Catches me… We come to blows and I think I scare him off. So that means everything can go back to normal right?
Wrong.. So fucking wrong. After this I planned this amazing Hawaii get away with my husband only to discover it was too late. Between his shit and my shit somewhere in all of that we lost each other… The solution was calling it quits I guess… At least he seems happier… That's what matters.
So you figure from there it can't get much worse but god was I wrong, AGAIN. My stupid ass picked a fight with the boss and now I'm responsible for Joey losing his job… Added bonus I also have the humiliation of showing up to the arena all kinds of fucked up to the point where my happy ass was escorted out.
Life… Am I right? But I'm a sucker for punishment and I refuse to give up. I can't give up… I've lost so much already that if I did give up I'm afraid of what I might do to myself. I'm afraid I might not even be around for another month… I have to push forward. I need to do this to keep my head on straight, at least, as straight as I can.
The only way I know how to do that is focus in on something that'll help me take all the pain and anguish away. Something that'll allow me a few moments of peace… An illusion of me beating the shit out of all my issues until they can't take it anymore…
I don't know what Devlin was thinking by unleashing me like this. Joey is the only real balance I had in that ring… the thing that kept me in check and now… Now the monster is going to come out and play.
The best runs of my career have always been fueled by my emotions… I have nothing holding me back, nothing to tell me I'm going to far or pushing the boundaries… Devlin thought it was a great idea to lose Joey… It was a great idea make me go at it one on one… Or in this case a fatal fourway… I think he's about to learn one of the deadliest lessons when it comes to this business.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and trust me… All hell is about to break loose. Mason Moore is discounting me as a tag team fighter when the most notable moment in my Redemption run has been a one on one match. That's his own stupidity. The only thing I hope in that case is his face gets stuck in a shocked expression once he realizes the power behind this little Finnish firecracker.
The other two I feel slightly bad for at this point. They're just innocent bystanders in all of this to be completely blunt. However, if I'm not mistaken Trixie is Devlin's girl… That was a pretty bold move to throw her to the wolves like this. As a matter of fact I appreciate the opportunity to fuck your bitch up before I come for you.
I have nothing left to lose. I'm broken, I've been beat down and I have lost the ability to give a fuck anymore. What part of all this don't you people understand? Am I not making this point clear enough to you all? I welcome the fucking pain. The physical pain feels like paradise. It takes my mind off the emotional disaster going on in my head. For a while I get to translate to others just how I'm feeling on a daily basis, in a very physical dosage.
Kayla… I appreciate that you respect me, I'm glad you aren't underestimating me but I'm sad. I'm sad that you're first match here you were thrown into this. I'm sad that you have to step into a ring with me on your debut.
Accidents happen… Injuries are common… Fighting is bound to break out… Everyday is a battle. I'm not doing this for gold. Don't get me wrong, the chance is an added bonus but I'm literally stepping into the ring to hurt people. To hurt myself. To let it all loose in a manner that isn't seen as destructive but seen as me just doing my ‘job’. With that said, I’ll see you all at Glory...
Go ahead and leave me paralyzed
There's nothing left to sacrifice
In hell I'm shooting paradise
I'm ready so I'll close my eyes
This is my paradise
~Fin~
Brother showing up, love of my life gone, tossed out on my ass and got my partner fired. What's next? How much hell does one person have to go through in this world before the universe finally decides they've had enough.
My mind buzzed over all the things that had happened lately as I sat against the outside wall of the venue security had just tossed me out of. Granted I was beyond fucked up, no smart person would let anyone into a ring in my condition.
“What have I ever fucking done to deserve this shit storm!?”
Not able to hold it in anymore I screamed that out at the top of my lungs, my head resting back against the wall as my eyes focused up on the sky.
“Have I really been such a piece of shit that I can't have some kind of happiness in my life? Am I just destined to watch everyone around me get a happy ending while I sit by and pretend to be okay with dying alone?”
As the words poured out of my lips I blinked back the water my eyes had been building up, causing a few tears to run down my face. To say I was a mess was an understatement.
“Why don't you just die, like your marriage did… Fuck that hurt… I never wanted this to happen. I… Fuck…”
At this point the tears flowed freely from my eyes as the words just poured out. Little did I know I wasn't alone.
“Come on.”
The male voice rang in my ears, causing me to cringe slightly at the familiarity of it and sure enough as I looked over to where it came from I found myself staring at Gabriel Laroux.
“Leave me alone, Gabe.”
“You asked me to be here for you. That's what I'm doing, get off your ass and let's go.”
“And look how fucking well that turned out.”
Gabe sighed, clearly getting a bit annoyed by this. Instead of waiting for me to get up he reached down and grabbed me by my arms before hoisting me over his shoulder.
“Sitting outside and crying isn't helping. Not to mention you're drunk. Are you trying to get murdered?...”
He went on lecturing me as he hauled me back to his rental car, not having the energy to fight out of this I just let it happen. The thought of getting back to the hotel and drowning in the bed was the only comforting thought I had at this point.
~Bitch’s Blog~
It's a domino effect really… One bad thing after the other. My oldest brother, may he rest in hell comes back, threatens me… Catches me… We come to blows and I think I scare him off. So that means everything can go back to normal right?
Wrong.. So fucking wrong. After this I planned this amazing Hawaii get away with my husband only to discover it was too late. Between his shit and my shit somewhere in all of that we lost each other… The solution was calling it quits I guess… At least he seems happier… That's what matters.
So you figure from there it can't get much worse but god was I wrong, AGAIN. My stupid ass picked a fight with the boss and now I'm responsible for Joey losing his job… Added bonus I also have the humiliation of showing up to the arena all kinds of fucked up to the point where my happy ass was escorted out.
Life… Am I right? But I'm a sucker for punishment and I refuse to give up. I can't give up… I've lost so much already that if I did give up I'm afraid of what I might do to myself. I'm afraid I might not even be around for another month… I have to push forward. I need to do this to keep my head on straight, at least, as straight as I can.
The only way I know how to do that is focus in on something that'll help me take all the pain and anguish away. Something that'll allow me a few moments of peace… An illusion of me beating the shit out of all my issues until they can't take it anymore…
I don't know what Devlin was thinking by unleashing me like this. Joey is the only real balance I had in that ring… the thing that kept me in check and now… Now the monster is going to come out and play.
The best runs of my career have always been fueled by my emotions… I have nothing holding me back, nothing to tell me I'm going to far or pushing the boundaries… Devlin thought it was a great idea to lose Joey… It was a great idea make me go at it one on one… Or in this case a fatal fourway… I think he's about to learn one of the deadliest lessons when it comes to this business.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and trust me… All hell is about to break loose. Mason Moore is discounting me as a tag team fighter when the most notable moment in my Redemption run has been a one on one match. That's his own stupidity. The only thing I hope in that case is his face gets stuck in a shocked expression once he realizes the power behind this little Finnish firecracker.
The other two I feel slightly bad for at this point. They're just innocent bystanders in all of this to be completely blunt. However, if I'm not mistaken Trixie is Devlin's girl… That was a pretty bold move to throw her to the wolves like this. As a matter of fact I appreciate the opportunity to fuck your bitch up before I come for you.
I have nothing left to lose. I'm broken, I've been beat down and I have lost the ability to give a fuck anymore. What part of all this don't you people understand? Am I not making this point clear enough to you all? I welcome the fucking pain. The physical pain feels like paradise. It takes my mind off the emotional disaster going on in my head. For a while I get to translate to others just how I'm feeling on a daily basis, in a very physical dosage.
Kayla… I appreciate that you respect me, I'm glad you aren't underestimating me but I'm sad. I'm sad that you're first match here you were thrown into this. I'm sad that you have to step into a ring with me on your debut.
Accidents happen… Injuries are common… Fighting is bound to break out… Everyday is a battle. I'm not doing this for gold. Don't get me wrong, the chance is an added bonus but I'm literally stepping into the ring to hurt people. To hurt myself. To let it all loose in a manner that isn't seen as destructive but seen as me just doing my ‘job’. With that said, I’ll see you all at Glory...
Go ahead and leave me paralyzed
There's nothing left to sacrifice
In hell I'm shooting paradise
I'm ready so I'll close my eyes
This is my paradise
~Fin~
