Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Apr 23, 2017 15:11:28 GMT -5
FDHahDWM
The lens of the camera finds Johnny Maverick and Joshua Goldstein backstage. Josh has
“What if I just punched him really hard in the dick?” Johnny says.
“I'm pretty sure you actually want to win this match and that would get you disqualified....wait would it? I don't know if you can get disqualified for that since he's technically your tag partner. Your 'Strange Bedfellow' as it were.” Josh says.
“Ugh, stop saying it like that. The even hypothetical idea that I'd fuck Danny Hall makes me want to fellate a shotgun. Speaking of me getting laid, the 'Johnny Maverick is Single' Party is gonna be sooooo fucking awesome. Are you coming? Are you bringing any fine-ass women? Or men? Farm animals? I'd give a sexy sheep my number. That number would be 69. I'd fuck that sheep is the extent of the joke. I dunno, I kinda took a wrong turn during that bit.” Johnny says.
“What the heck are you talking about?” Josh asks.
“Even I'm not sure like 40% of the time. I am wise in all things but can not interpret my own wisdom. Such is the curse of the Sexy Psychic Warrior God. King. Let's go ahead and tack 'King' there on the end since everyone else seems to be doing it lately. 'Sexy Psychic Warrior God King'. Man, put that on a t-shirt and they'll sell like hotcakes. Print it on actual Hotcakes though? We may create some sort of money singularity that could wipe out all of existence. We can't do it, Josh!." Johnny says, grabbing Josh by the collar.
“The cost is too great!” Johnny shouts, wildly shaking Josh.
“You done?” Josh asks.
“For now.” Johnny says, setting Josh down and ruffling his jewfro a bit.
“Your knuckles are bleeding again.” Josh says. Johnny looks down and smirks as he bled from the wounds he had received from his heavy bag.
“Nah dude, that's stigmata. I'm Wrestling Jesus after all.”
_____________________________
Later, Johnny Maverick is standing backstage, Hoodie Ninjas at the ready near him.
“One would think that with him being my partner, I would use my promo to build up Danny Hall and talk trash on my opponents. Instead, I invite you all to join me in a freeform spoken word project I've been working on entitled...” Johnny says. The Hoodie Ninjas hold up a sign up reading...
“Fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom.” Johnny says.
“Danny Hall is a leech, feeding off of his only accomplishment of note: A victory over me while I was nursing the neck injury that nearly ended my career. You might want to note the obvious that this pseudo-sycophantic attitude is the reason he creepily stalked me to a new wrestling company in an attempt to prove his own worth to himself once more by attempting to earn a match with me and face me but he is NOT facing the broken man he faced before. I am all set to reclaim my status as the Greatest Fighter Alive...which by the way, is better than any of the dozens of folks claiming to be a 'King' or 'Queen'. We all know that Danny Hall is terrible, having recently come off of a loss to my pupil The Jew Blazer so...why even bother anymore Danny? Go home, watch that match you beat me in you have recorded and jerk off to it for the 4,000th time and get out of my life you nothing while a few more people line up to sling one up the woman who gave birth to you. In conclusion....fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom.” Johnny says.
“As I mentioned a few days ago on Twitter, Danny Hall operates under the Illusion that he is on my level when in fact he needs a stepladder just to kiss my ass when all it takes to get your lips on his mothers ass is the promise of a bottle of Sloe gin and whatever coin change you happen to have on you. I guess what I'm saying is...Fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom.” Johnny says.
“Danny once dated fellow BWF wrestler Nessa Wall. This relationship lasted as long as it took for Nessa Wall to realize that she was dating Danny Hall. Nessa Wall said little about their relationship outside of the ring but we can all safely assume that it's so small she needed Hank Pym to help her find it. Danny Hall's dick is so small he could fuck a Spaghetti-O without breaking it. Does anyone know what Danny Hall's dick and Shaq's free throws have in common? They don't even touch the rim. Danny Hall's dick in the average girl is about as ineffective as the average dick trying to satisfy his mother, because honestly if you aren't as wide as a manhole cover she ain't gonna feel anything. I think what I'm really trying to get at here is... Fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom.” Johnny says.
“Rebel Manson and Alicia Hixx are our opponents, while Danny Halls constant opponent remains his own oppressive mediocrity, lack of discernible personality, and the crippling realization that he will never be as good as I am or as popular as his mothers trailer is. Fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom.” Johnny says.
“From what I have seen, both Rebel Manson and Danny Hall have threatened on twitter to not show up for this match. That's fine, I guess. I'll show up Danny whether he shows up or not and whether or not I end up having to face two opponents by myself. My psychic premonitions may not have shown me who will actually show up for this match, but I do have a clear enough vision of Johnny Maverick standing tall, looking handsome, and basking in the adoration of the crowd, followed by the party to end all parties in Washington D.C. the night after. Alas, my psychic visions have also warned me that I may be smothered in moist panties by the end of this party so for my own benefit I have banned Danny Hall from the party along with his mother because....those are some big panties to get smothered by. I feel like I had a point to make there but it was...oh wait no, I remember. Fuck Danny Hall and his Dirty Whore Mom. Psychic Warfare is Real. Nailed the Catchphrase. Perfect dismount. PROMO OVER!” Johnny says before leaving the room quickly.
