The Jew Blazer- The Raddest Man on the Planet

“You look ridiculous.” Johnny says. A Hoodie Ninja is filming. Josh is unaware of this.

“You could kill me.” Josh says.

“Yeah, but if you took all that shit off you could die with some degree of dignity.” Johnny says. Josh was wearing a full padded bodysuit. (Seen here: ep.yimg.com/ay/yhst-36451256984760/macho-redman-instructors-suit-set-9.gif )

“I'm good thanks. I heard you sent a Hoodie Ninja to the hospital.” Josh says.

“That was a mistake and it couldn't be avoided.” Johnny says.

“I thought you said my training was done and I was all graduated and stuff.” Josh says.

“Well, that was before you decided you were gonna fly solo and let Avery Miles get away with total dick moves. I like that you learned all the flippy shit but now it's time for you to up your striking game, submission game, and learn a little bit about your heritage.” Johnny says. He was in his fight shorts and had on his gloves and kickpads.

“How is you teaching me jiu-jitsu or whatever going to teach me more about my heritage? I don't remember any stories about Moses doing any rad spinning backfists or armbars.” Josh says.

“Well fortunately for you, while I was busy draining my trust fund when I turned 18 to travel the word looking for new and exciting ways to hurt people I made a stop in Israel for a year or so. They got shit figured out over there. They essentially had every martial art gangbang until they were left with a baby that had all of the practical stuff. A Jewish Murder-Baby of Martial Arts. So today Josh, you are going to be learning about the official Self Defense style of the Israel Defense Force. Today is the day you learn about Krav Maga.” Johnny says. Josh releases an audible gulp.

“There's motivation for this you aren't telling me.” Josh says.

“There is a minor inconvenience in my life and instead of dealing with it, as a sensei I am sending one of my top students to deal with it.” Johnny says.

“What?” Josh asks.

“I want you to kick Danny Hall's ass so I don't have to be bothered because I have a million other better things to do than get involved in a feud with that goddamn idiot.” Johnny says. He pops his mouthguard in.

“Wait!” Josh says just as Johnny gets in a fighting stance.

“Hm? What's up?” Johnny says.

“I just....really don't know how I feel about Martin watching Phorry while we do this.” Josh says.

“Oh don't be paranoid. Look at them! They're doing great.” Johnny says. The camera turns to see Martin holding Phorry and mouthing the words 'I am going to eat you' at the small dog who whimpers in response.

“I think your definition of 'great' could use some work.” Josh says before being elbowed in the face.

LATER, BACKSTAGE BEFORE GLORY.

The Jew Blazer stretched out a bit in the locker room, he ties his cape around his neck and releases a deep breath.

“I'm not going to lie it's been a little difficult. I mean, I had this vision of Ronnie and I being the greatest tag team in all of wrestling and well... now it looks like I'm not gonna get that. That was the plan. It was the only plan. I never thought to make a plan that didn't include having my best friend at my side and becoming the Raddest men who ever lived. That was the plan until Ronnie hurt his back. Doesn't know if he's ever gonna wrestle again. I've had some time to process it and talk to Ronnie and he gave me his blessing to pursue this by myself. So here's the new plan: 2017 is the year that The Jew Blazer captures singles gold and it's gonna start with me beating...” The Jew Blazer says, trailing off.

“So let's talk about Danny Hall. You see, when Danny Hall was in BWF I was stuck in Developmental because they thought I was a 'comedy act'. While I was stuck in BWF Developmental as a 'comedy act' Danny Hall was engaged in a feud with a stuffed purple skunk toy also named Danny Hall that was more over than he was. This match may have just been thrown together by management but it actually means a lot to me. I was told for some time that I was not as big a star as Danny Hall was and I'm finally getting a chance to prove all those people wrong and I may not have Ronnie in my corner but I have someone else who's sure to get under Danny's skin a little bit.” The Jew Blazer says. He holds up a stuffed purple skunk toy he had made at the Build-a-Bear workshop that's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, a mustache, and seems to have well groomed chest hair.

“The REAL Danny Hall is gonna be joining me and he's dressed up like Ronnie to make me feel better! Aw... you are CLEARLY the best Danny Hall. Hug me!” The Jew Blazer says before hugging the stuffed animal.

“2017 is the year of The Blazer. I am going to win my first singles title and this is the match people will look back on as the beginning of the rise of The Jew Blazer as a singles competitor. I'm going to show the world that even without Ronnie I am the Raddest Man on the Planet! The Maccabee Marvel! El Rey de Jewcha Libre! I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, I can sit on a tombstone and make baby ghosts.” The Blazer says, throwing some Muhammad Ali stank on his wording.

“A lot of you may be asking, after just being a tag team guy for so long who am I to be making all of these bold claims? Who do I think I am?” The Jew Blazer asks.

“I mean, isn't it obvious?” The Blazer says, spreading his cape open.

“I'm a freaking superhero!” He announces with a big smile.