Post by Jazmyn Rain on Feb 18, 2018 17:06:52 GMT -5
“I Hate This”
Date: February 16, 2018
Jazmyn Rain sits alone in a hotel room close to midnight after she had been out on the town with her fiance Derek. Her day consisted of mostly sightseeing and walking around the city of Frankfurt, Germany, hence why she’s wearing casual clothing consisting of an orange tank top, a pair of white sweatpants and matching Reebok sneakers. Her long, brown hair flows over her shoulders as Jazmyn clearly doesn’t look like someone who just had a good time sightseeing in Frankfurt, but far more as someone who is greatly worried about what’s to come. She sighs as she begins to speak her mind.
Jazmyn Rain: I hate this…
Jazmyn sighs again before continuing.
Jazmyn Rain: That’s not to say that I am not willing to wrestle against my friends in that very ring, but I am no fan of it at all. Business is business and I get that and I hate to question anything that takes place in NGW surrounding a match that I am booked in, but why does this match have to be Guardian vs. Guardian? Why do I have to face Adrien Cochrane? Now, it’s true that recently, I faced Joshua in the gauntlet to get my second chance at the NGW Five Lakes Championship and as much as Joshua and I are friends, with the greatest respect in the world to him, fighting Adrien is going to be a heck of a lot harder than fighting Joshua. Forget the friendship for a moment and look at the accolades. How many world championships have you won, Adrien? Three? You’re younger than I am, and you’ve been doing this so much longer than I have too. We both came in around the same time in NGW. My first appearance was in vignettes hyping up a debut match that I would eventually lose, and while you had those vignettes also, the first time you ever appeared in an NGW ring, you were going right after Matthew Shields, at the time the Redemption champion. Since then? You’ve been pretty front and center. Who was the sole survivor in that Warfare match? It sure as heck wasn’t me… the second elimination in that same match. That was you! Who gets all the attention in the Guardians? It’s not me, is it? No, I get labelled as crap like “flavor of the month”, “least important Guardian” and “bit player” while everyone else is calling the Guardians the “Adrien Cochrane show”
So take everything I just mentioned and what do you get? Hell, if you compare your NGW run to mine, one can even say that I don’t even stand a chance of winning this match.
It bothers me, Adrien. I’m going to be honest about all that. I’m tired of all the talk about the Guardians, I’m tired of being cast as a “bit player” by other people on the roster, I’m tired of being seen as not nearly as important as you are. I know it’s not your fault. You have defended me, defended Jessica and defended Joshua to the death and I greatly appreciate that more than I can express in words. But at the same time, all of the talk is why I hate this match and really, everything that can happen. I want to make a statement win any time I can get one, but I don’t want to have to go through someone I am very close to in order to do it. I HATE that! I do. I don’t want to hurt you! I’m afraid that if I try too hard, I might even injure you and damage the cause of what the Guardians are supposed to be all about. I don’t want to do that and I hate the fact that there’s a great risk of that happening. What if this match drives this irreparable wedge between us that can never be resolved? I know, it sounds silly and it sounds stupid but I’ve lost quite a few friendships during my time in this business. For instance, I’ve won two tag team championships in my career and I’m not even on speaking terms with either partner I won said tag titles with.
One of them was my very best friend. I even recruited her into GCW so we can fight off an evil together and we did, and we won and you know what she did to thank me? She sleeps with my then-boyfriend behind my back and basically disowns me like a piece of garbage. She put this business ahead of our friendship and I know that’s not the kind of person you are, but what if I do something in this match or say something leading up to this match that drives us apart? What if I do or say something that makes you hate me?
Jazmyn pauses as her eyes begin to glisten.
Jazmyn Rain: I don’t want you to hate me, Adrien. I know about your match in FSociety with Kenzie Rydell and how leading up to that, she basically threw you under the bus and you completely tore her a new one. I don’t blame you because she went out of line, but I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. But then going into this match, I feel all this pressure on me. NGW recently released a poster of the Lest We Forget show that features me on it. I didn’t ask for it, it just happened. Then within minutes, I see everyone on the roster complain and say that I don’t deserve that poster and you know, maybe they’re right. Maybe I DON’T deserve it. It’s not like I’ve done anything in NGW anyway right? Well, compared to you anyway. Maybe Matt Shields is right. What if I really am the “least important Guardian”? I feel like I am walking into an absolute “no win” situation here, Adrien. I win this match and I risk potentially hurting you or even damaging our friendship. I lose this match and all this talk about the Guardians being the “Adrien show”, this talk about me being a “bit player” and the “least important Guardian” might as well be true. And it’s true, I’ve fought uphill battles throughout my career. But this?
I don’t know…
I mean, I don’t lose too often, I admit that, but I lose with more frequency here than I do in NGW. I barely made a dent in that Warfare match to begin with and I feel like I contributed practically NOTHING to the Guardians in that match being the first of the group to be eliminated, especially so early. I go through highs and lows, peaks and valleys. I go from GCW, where I am currently Global Champion, confident, feeling like I can take on the world, to here where I question myself every single day if I can ever be a world champion in NGW or if the Five Lakes is as good as I could possibly have it, if I even win it at all. I look at that Lest We Forget poster and I think of the reactions that people had on it… not ONE iota of congratulations from anyone and ALL of it criticism and scorn over something I didn’t even ask for… and I question myself and wonder if I even deserve it. I look at the Rising Star Award and think about how Scotty Latimer and Jack Tillman are champions while I’m not and I wonder if I even deserve that award at all. I’ve heard Avery Miles peg me as the “future of NGW”, yet, I’ve been here over half a year already and I don’t feel like I’ve come close to living up to that.
And when I say everything I just said, I have to be honest with you… I’m scared…
Jazmyn pauses as a tear strolls down her cheek.
Jazmyn Rain: I’m scared that if I lose this match… I… I just… it’s going to prove all the negativity right.
She pauses again to wipe away the tear.
Jazmyn Rain: There’s far too much pressure on me coming into this match that you don’t even realize. I know I’ve won some big matches. I know I beat Caroline when she was coming off her title reign, Trixie after she was in title contention for what seems like forever, and recently, I beat Joshua in the gauntlet, so there have been some flashes… but I’m not the one that was the sole survivor in the Warfare match. I’m not the one that beat Matthew Shields in a cage match. I’m not the one with a normal career arc. I’m going into this match not knowing what to do, how to do it or how I can have the best of everything. It’s like I have to choose between proving all the criticism and all the talk right, or proving that wrong but destroying a friendship in the process. I wish it didn’t come down to this. Then again, I wish for a lot of things.
I wish I started my wrestling career much earlier than I did, for example.
I wish I didn’t have a jittery confidence sometimes.
I wish I wasn’t an overthinker.
I wish I didn’t have to sweat the small stuff.
As strong as I’ve become, I know deep down that as a wrestler and as a person, I am still a work in progress. I’m not a finished product, Adrien. If I was, maybe I’d be more confident about this match then I am right now. Maybe I wouldn’t be such an idiot overthinker about practically every obstacle that comes my way. Maybe I wouldn’t be so worried about being overshadowed sometimes considering that in my first tag team title reign, all the focus was on my superstar, ex-world champion tag team partner, that in GCW, I was always losing to Global title contenders during the early part of my run there and I had to claw and scratch my way into that title picture, and that one of my best friends in GCW was perennially in that title picture for a while, while I was building my way back up to win the championship again. I don’t like being overlooked.
Do you think I like being underrated?
I can’t stand it.
It’s not exactly all about the spotlight for me, but I know so many people are counting on me. My family, my friends, my fans… all the children dealing with psychological wellness issues that I spend my time inspiring face to face during my charity time away from the ring… and it’s like for them, I have to be at my best because if I’m not… I feel like I let them all down.
Worst feeling in the world, Adrien.
Losing this match? Gosh, I’d rather not imagine how horrible that’d be for all of them, how bad it could damage my outlook in NGW. Worst of all, I’d rather not imagine how horrible things may be for our friendship if I win this match.
I’m hesitant for this.
I hate this.
But what needs to be done, needs to be done. I just hope and pray some good comes out of it no matter what the outcome ultimately is.
Jazmyn concludes her words, shaking her head as tears stroll down her face signifying how much weight is on her shoulders going into this match at Dissension. She wipes them away and takes a deep sigh as she reaches over to shut off the camera.
Date: February 16, 2018
Jazmyn Rain sits alone in a hotel room close to midnight after she had been out on the town with her fiance Derek. Her day consisted of mostly sightseeing and walking around the city of Frankfurt, Germany, hence why she’s wearing casual clothing consisting of an orange tank top, a pair of white sweatpants and matching Reebok sneakers. Her long, brown hair flows over her shoulders as Jazmyn clearly doesn’t look like someone who just had a good time sightseeing in Frankfurt, but far more as someone who is greatly worried about what’s to come. She sighs as she begins to speak her mind.
Jazmyn Rain: I hate this…
Jazmyn sighs again before continuing.
Jazmyn Rain: That’s not to say that I am not willing to wrestle against my friends in that very ring, but I am no fan of it at all. Business is business and I get that and I hate to question anything that takes place in NGW surrounding a match that I am booked in, but why does this match have to be Guardian vs. Guardian? Why do I have to face Adrien Cochrane? Now, it’s true that recently, I faced Joshua in the gauntlet to get my second chance at the NGW Five Lakes Championship and as much as Joshua and I are friends, with the greatest respect in the world to him, fighting Adrien is going to be a heck of a lot harder than fighting Joshua. Forget the friendship for a moment and look at the accolades. How many world championships have you won, Adrien? Three? You’re younger than I am, and you’ve been doing this so much longer than I have too. We both came in around the same time in NGW. My first appearance was in vignettes hyping up a debut match that I would eventually lose, and while you had those vignettes also, the first time you ever appeared in an NGW ring, you were going right after Matthew Shields, at the time the Redemption champion. Since then? You’ve been pretty front and center. Who was the sole survivor in that Warfare match? It sure as heck wasn’t me… the second elimination in that same match. That was you! Who gets all the attention in the Guardians? It’s not me, is it? No, I get labelled as crap like “flavor of the month”, “least important Guardian” and “bit player” while everyone else is calling the Guardians the “Adrien Cochrane show”
So take everything I just mentioned and what do you get? Hell, if you compare your NGW run to mine, one can even say that I don’t even stand a chance of winning this match.
It bothers me, Adrien. I’m going to be honest about all that. I’m tired of all the talk about the Guardians, I’m tired of being cast as a “bit player” by other people on the roster, I’m tired of being seen as not nearly as important as you are. I know it’s not your fault. You have defended me, defended Jessica and defended Joshua to the death and I greatly appreciate that more than I can express in words. But at the same time, all of the talk is why I hate this match and really, everything that can happen. I want to make a statement win any time I can get one, but I don’t want to have to go through someone I am very close to in order to do it. I HATE that! I do. I don’t want to hurt you! I’m afraid that if I try too hard, I might even injure you and damage the cause of what the Guardians are supposed to be all about. I don’t want to do that and I hate the fact that there’s a great risk of that happening. What if this match drives this irreparable wedge between us that can never be resolved? I know, it sounds silly and it sounds stupid but I’ve lost quite a few friendships during my time in this business. For instance, I’ve won two tag team championships in my career and I’m not even on speaking terms with either partner I won said tag titles with.
One of them was my very best friend. I even recruited her into GCW so we can fight off an evil together and we did, and we won and you know what she did to thank me? She sleeps with my then-boyfriend behind my back and basically disowns me like a piece of garbage. She put this business ahead of our friendship and I know that’s not the kind of person you are, but what if I do something in this match or say something leading up to this match that drives us apart? What if I do or say something that makes you hate me?
Jazmyn pauses as her eyes begin to glisten.
Jazmyn Rain: I don’t want you to hate me, Adrien. I know about your match in FSociety with Kenzie Rydell and how leading up to that, she basically threw you under the bus and you completely tore her a new one. I don’t blame you because she went out of line, but I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. But then going into this match, I feel all this pressure on me. NGW recently released a poster of the Lest We Forget show that features me on it. I didn’t ask for it, it just happened. Then within minutes, I see everyone on the roster complain and say that I don’t deserve that poster and you know, maybe they’re right. Maybe I DON’T deserve it. It’s not like I’ve done anything in NGW anyway right? Well, compared to you anyway. Maybe Matt Shields is right. What if I really am the “least important Guardian”? I feel like I am walking into an absolute “no win” situation here, Adrien. I win this match and I risk potentially hurting you or even damaging our friendship. I lose this match and all this talk about the Guardians being the “Adrien show”, this talk about me being a “bit player” and the “least important Guardian” might as well be true. And it’s true, I’ve fought uphill battles throughout my career. But this?
I don’t know…
I mean, I don’t lose too often, I admit that, but I lose with more frequency here than I do in NGW. I barely made a dent in that Warfare match to begin with and I feel like I contributed practically NOTHING to the Guardians in that match being the first of the group to be eliminated, especially so early. I go through highs and lows, peaks and valleys. I go from GCW, where I am currently Global Champion, confident, feeling like I can take on the world, to here where I question myself every single day if I can ever be a world champion in NGW or if the Five Lakes is as good as I could possibly have it, if I even win it at all. I look at that Lest We Forget poster and I think of the reactions that people had on it… not ONE iota of congratulations from anyone and ALL of it criticism and scorn over something I didn’t even ask for… and I question myself and wonder if I even deserve it. I look at the Rising Star Award and think about how Scotty Latimer and Jack Tillman are champions while I’m not and I wonder if I even deserve that award at all. I’ve heard Avery Miles peg me as the “future of NGW”, yet, I’ve been here over half a year already and I don’t feel like I’ve come close to living up to that.
And when I say everything I just said, I have to be honest with you… I’m scared…
Jazmyn pauses as a tear strolls down her cheek.
Jazmyn Rain: I’m scared that if I lose this match… I… I just… it’s going to prove all the negativity right.
She pauses again to wipe away the tear.
Jazmyn Rain: There’s far too much pressure on me coming into this match that you don’t even realize. I know I’ve won some big matches. I know I beat Caroline when she was coming off her title reign, Trixie after she was in title contention for what seems like forever, and recently, I beat Joshua in the gauntlet, so there have been some flashes… but I’m not the one that was the sole survivor in the Warfare match. I’m not the one that beat Matthew Shields in a cage match. I’m not the one with a normal career arc. I’m going into this match not knowing what to do, how to do it or how I can have the best of everything. It’s like I have to choose between proving all the criticism and all the talk right, or proving that wrong but destroying a friendship in the process. I wish it didn’t come down to this. Then again, I wish for a lot of things.
I wish I started my wrestling career much earlier than I did, for example.
I wish I didn’t have a jittery confidence sometimes.
I wish I wasn’t an overthinker.
I wish I didn’t have to sweat the small stuff.
As strong as I’ve become, I know deep down that as a wrestler and as a person, I am still a work in progress. I’m not a finished product, Adrien. If I was, maybe I’d be more confident about this match then I am right now. Maybe I wouldn’t be such an idiot overthinker about practically every obstacle that comes my way. Maybe I wouldn’t be so worried about being overshadowed sometimes considering that in my first tag team title reign, all the focus was on my superstar, ex-world champion tag team partner, that in GCW, I was always losing to Global title contenders during the early part of my run there and I had to claw and scratch my way into that title picture, and that one of my best friends in GCW was perennially in that title picture for a while, while I was building my way back up to win the championship again. I don’t like being overlooked.
Do you think I like being underrated?
I can’t stand it.
It’s not exactly all about the spotlight for me, but I know so many people are counting on me. My family, my friends, my fans… all the children dealing with psychological wellness issues that I spend my time inspiring face to face during my charity time away from the ring… and it’s like for them, I have to be at my best because if I’m not… I feel like I let them all down.
Worst feeling in the world, Adrien.
Losing this match? Gosh, I’d rather not imagine how horrible that’d be for all of them, how bad it could damage my outlook in NGW. Worst of all, I’d rather not imagine how horrible things may be for our friendship if I win this match.
I’m hesitant for this.
I hate this.
But what needs to be done, needs to be done. I just hope and pray some good comes out of it no matter what the outcome ultimately is.
Jazmyn concludes her words, shaking her head as tears stroll down her face signifying how much weight is on her shoulders going into this match at Dissension. She wipes them away and takes a deep sigh as she reaches over to shut off the camera.
