Post by JMav/JGold/RNorth/MKarloff on Jul 16, 2017 20:05:51 GMT -5
THE JEW BLAZER
Nebbish Noir
WRITERS NOTE: -Italics are internal monologue, which we all can hear. Noir is rad-
We find ourselves in the office of Private Detective: TJ Blazer. He pours himself a scotch and lights a cigarette as he leans back in his desk chair a bit. He turns around and looks out the window.
'It was a dark and stormy afternoon. Which initially worried me because it really shouldn't be this dark on an afternoon. Had there been some sort of solar eclipse? Had our President destroyed the sun in an insane attempt to deal with the global warming epidemic? Had the world been taken over by earth-dwelling mole people? I started to take out the emergency kit I kept under my desk in case the Mole People had finally emerged from under the Earth to enact their moley revenge on us when I glanced at the clock and realized it was actually 8:45 PM and I had lost track of time playing DC Universe Online again. I should probably have checked the time before I started this.'
TJ Blazer takes a puff of his cigarette and instantly starts coughing violently.
'Oh! Oh God! How can people do this to themselves?'
TJ Blazer continues coughing violently for a few moments before regaining his composure.
'It was a dark and stormy NIGHT. The taste of my cigarette as well as that taste you get in your mouth when you almost barf was fresh on my lips. I ran my hand along my weapon. I hadn't hada chance to use it yet but knew that just the case would come along soon enough where I'd be able to use it.'
TJ Blazer runs his hands along his 'Rags To Riches' briefcase.
'Suddenly, a dame walked in, poured into a dress. Wait, actually it seemed she was poured into a pair of yoga pants.'
"Joshie, are you smoking in here?" Kaylee asks as she enters.
'I took my time thinking about how I'd respond. I was NOT frozen in place thinking about how good her tuches looked in yoga pants. Nope. That's not what I was doing at all.'
"Uhhh...Joshie? Is everything okay?" Kaylee asks.
"Hm? Yeah sorry I just uh....filmin a thing." The Blazer says, pointing to a camera
"Okay... well the neighbors will call the front office if they smell cigarette smoke... and by the ay, you look cute in your little suit. I'd lose the fedora though." Kaylee says. She takes it off of his head and outs it on, leaving. TJ Blazer tilts his head as she walks away, enjoying the sight. TJ Blazer sat at his desk and grabbed his case file.
'A new case had fallen into my lap. The case of the needlessly complex name. The suspect? Jazmyn Rain. What on Earth are that 'Z' and 'Y' doing in there. They clearly don't belong there. Somewhere in this world an 'Ebra' was wondering around getting made fun of by a bunch of Zebra's because the Z in his name had been taken for Jazmyn's name and if there is one thing in this world that cheese me off more than cheating, lying, and general meanness....it's Zebra bullying.'
TJ Blazer takes a drink of his scotch and instantly sputters and spits it up.
'Sweet Chanukkah! It tastes like peat moss and fire!'
TJ Blazer opens up his desk and takes out one of his emergency reserve cans of Ecto Cooler Hi-C and guzzles it down quickly. He sighs in relief.
'Right, okay. Oy vey. No one should ever drink that ever. Blurgh. Anyway, Jazmyn was just another obstacle as I worked my way to the top of the criminal underworld. Caroline 'Cheaty McCheaterpants' O'Hara Burchill. The worst criminal of all. She rocked me in the face with knucks and was never punished for it... or maybe she just hasn't been punished for it YET.'
TJ Blazer again runs his hand along the briefcase.
'For now I suppose I'd have to...'
"Hey Joshie? I'm gonna order pizza for dinner. Is that alright?" Kaylee asks, coming back in.
'Yes, that sounds great!'
A few moments.
"Joshie? Is that okay?" Kaylee asks.
'Oh no. I've been internal monologuing so much I forgot how to speak! Oh this is not good.'
"Josh is everything okay?"
'You can do it. You're a Superhero and a Private detective and a Luchador and a Jewish Guy and....wow my character arc has gotten complex.'
"YES. PIZZA GOOD!" TJ Blazer finally will himself to say, shouting very loudly.
"Uh...okay. I'll...yeah." Kaylee says, bewildered by the actions of her fiance as she leaves again. TJ Blazer again very obviously looks at her butt as she leaves.
'Anyway, I was ready to crack this case wide open. I would face Jazmyn in the ring and Chutzpah Boot her so hard she'd realize she needed to change her name because....think of the poor Zebras. Or...Ebras rather. Right. Nailed it.'
TJ Blazer nods to himself, feeling like he personally got that right on the money.
"Look dude, it's really not cool to loudly internal monologue all day when you have a psychic staying over. That shit is driving me bonkers and I've been trying to take a nap." Johnny says, poking his head into the room.
"I...uh...I'll try and keep it down." TJ says, raising an eyebrow.
"Word. Hey! Is that Black Label Johnnie Walker?" Johnny asks. Before TJ can respond, Johnny yanks the bottle off the table and leaves with it.
"I'd be mad if I ever had any intention of drinking that awful stuff." TJ says to himself.
"Hey! Kaylee said you were doing a noir thing." Ronnie North says as he walks in wearing a trenchcoat and fedora.
"Oh...sorry Ronnie but I'm pretty much done by now. Also, I put a sign on the door that said 'FILMING' so I mean... it's really not cool that people keep wandering in." TJ Blazer says.
"I mean, a 'do not disturb' sign would probably work better. 'Filming' doesn't necessarilly mean 'Dont Come In'." Ronnie adds.
"I mean, I think it's implied but alright."
Nebbish Noir
WRITERS NOTE: -Italics are internal monologue, which we all can hear. Noir is rad-
We find ourselves in the office of Private Detective: TJ Blazer. He pours himself a scotch and lights a cigarette as he leans back in his desk chair a bit. He turns around and looks out the window.
'It was a dark and stormy afternoon. Which initially worried me because it really shouldn't be this dark on an afternoon. Had there been some sort of solar eclipse? Had our President destroyed the sun in an insane attempt to deal with the global warming epidemic? Had the world been taken over by earth-dwelling mole people? I started to take out the emergency kit I kept under my desk in case the Mole People had finally emerged from under the Earth to enact their moley revenge on us when I glanced at the clock and realized it was actually 8:45 PM and I had lost track of time playing DC Universe Online again. I should probably have checked the time before I started this.'
TJ Blazer takes a puff of his cigarette and instantly starts coughing violently.
'Oh! Oh God! How can people do this to themselves?'
TJ Blazer continues coughing violently for a few moments before regaining his composure.
'It was a dark and stormy NIGHT. The taste of my cigarette as well as that taste you get in your mouth when you almost barf was fresh on my lips. I ran my hand along my weapon. I hadn't hada chance to use it yet but knew that just the case would come along soon enough where I'd be able to use it.'
TJ Blazer runs his hands along his 'Rags To Riches' briefcase.
'Suddenly, a dame walked in, poured into a dress. Wait, actually it seemed she was poured into a pair of yoga pants.'
"Joshie, are you smoking in here?" Kaylee asks as she enters.
'I took my time thinking about how I'd respond. I was NOT frozen in place thinking about how good her tuches looked in yoga pants. Nope. That's not what I was doing at all.'
"Uhhh...Joshie? Is everything okay?" Kaylee asks.
"Hm? Yeah sorry I just uh....filmin a thing." The Blazer says, pointing to a camera
"Okay... well the neighbors will call the front office if they smell cigarette smoke... and by the ay, you look cute in your little suit. I'd lose the fedora though." Kaylee says. She takes it off of his head and outs it on, leaving. TJ Blazer tilts his head as she walks away, enjoying the sight. TJ Blazer sat at his desk and grabbed his case file.
'A new case had fallen into my lap. The case of the needlessly complex name. The suspect? Jazmyn Rain. What on Earth are that 'Z' and 'Y' doing in there. They clearly don't belong there. Somewhere in this world an 'Ebra' was wondering around getting made fun of by a bunch of Zebra's because the Z in his name had been taken for Jazmyn's name and if there is one thing in this world that cheese me off more than cheating, lying, and general meanness....it's Zebra bullying.'
TJ Blazer takes a drink of his scotch and instantly sputters and spits it up.
'Sweet Chanukkah! It tastes like peat moss and fire!'
TJ Blazer opens up his desk and takes out one of his emergency reserve cans of Ecto Cooler Hi-C and guzzles it down quickly. He sighs in relief.
'Right, okay. Oy vey. No one should ever drink that ever. Blurgh. Anyway, Jazmyn was just another obstacle as I worked my way to the top of the criminal underworld. Caroline 'Cheaty McCheaterpants' O'Hara Burchill. The worst criminal of all. She rocked me in the face with knucks and was never punished for it... or maybe she just hasn't been punished for it YET.'
TJ Blazer again runs his hand along the briefcase.
'For now I suppose I'd have to...'
"Hey Joshie? I'm gonna order pizza for dinner. Is that alright?" Kaylee asks, coming back in.
'Yes, that sounds great!'
A few moments.
"Joshie? Is that okay?" Kaylee asks.
'Oh no. I've been internal monologuing so much I forgot how to speak! Oh this is not good.'
"Josh is everything okay?"
'You can do it. You're a Superhero and a Private detective and a Luchador and a Jewish Guy and....wow my character arc has gotten complex.'
"YES. PIZZA GOOD!" TJ Blazer finally will himself to say, shouting very loudly.
"Uh...okay. I'll...yeah." Kaylee says, bewildered by the actions of her fiance as she leaves again. TJ Blazer again very obviously looks at her butt as she leaves.
'Anyway, I was ready to crack this case wide open. I would face Jazmyn in the ring and Chutzpah Boot her so hard she'd realize she needed to change her name because....think of the poor Zebras. Or...Ebras rather. Right. Nailed it.'
TJ Blazer nods to himself, feeling like he personally got that right on the money.
"Look dude, it's really not cool to loudly internal monologue all day when you have a psychic staying over. That shit is driving me bonkers and I've been trying to take a nap." Johnny says, poking his head into the room.
"I...uh...I'll try and keep it down." TJ says, raising an eyebrow.
"Word. Hey! Is that Black Label Johnnie Walker?" Johnny asks. Before TJ can respond, Johnny yanks the bottle off the table and leaves with it.
"I'd be mad if I ever had any intention of drinking that awful stuff." TJ says to himself.
"Hey! Kaylee said you were doing a noir thing." Ronnie North says as he walks in wearing a trenchcoat and fedora.
"Oh...sorry Ronnie but I'm pretty much done by now. Also, I put a sign on the door that said 'FILMING' so I mean... it's really not cool that people keep wandering in." TJ Blazer says.
"I mean, a 'do not disturb' sign would probably work better. 'Filming' doesn't necessarilly mean 'Dont Come In'." Ronnie adds.
"I mean, I think it's implied but alright."
